hmpf

already with the fear of accidentally lifting phrases. Arrgh.

Also, renewed realisation I'll never be able to write a good Gene, because I just lack the fluency in colloquial British English that's necessary for that. Which wouldn't be so bad, because three quarters of my unfinished fics don't really require much Gene - I try to write to my strengths - but I've lately come to realise that the fourth one really does...

Well, today I was at work, which means I had eight hours to do stuff that would otherwise be considered procrastination, without much of a guilty conscience. So, I did some catching up, though I cheated a bit there, choosing mostly short ljs. And then I tagged about two thirds of my entries for 2003.

Results:

- The "farscape" tag is bigger than the "life on mars" tag now. It's a bit alarming, to be honest, because it's not just the "farscape" tag growing - the "life on mars" tag is actively shrinking. If I keep tagging my old entries it will soon shrink into insignificance. Clearly I must post more Life on Mars content here, and soon! *g*

- I was reminded how neurotic I used to be about my writing. I mean, I hadn't exactly forgotten about this, really - but it's still striking to see that kind of extreme doubt pop up so frequently in my lj. Incidentally, I think 2003 was also the year that those particular fears began to fade a bit. It was the year I found beccatoria, who I think has done more to raise my faith in my potential than all the recs and feedback I have received in my life. I think it was also the year I passed some actual, objective 'quality threshold'. Most of the stuff I've written since then holds up reasonably well. And, last but probably not least, I think it may have been the year a fic of mine ("Together") was recced for the very first time. Though that may have been early 2004, come to think of it - I suspect I'll find out as I continue to tag the entries that come after October 2003.

- It's amazing how my flist has changed. I happen to have captured the entirety of it as it was back then in this post here, as a linking exercise: the main thing about my flist back then, aside from the fact that it was mostly made up of BABEs, was that it was short! Amazingly short.

- It's kind of fun to look back at myself as I was five or four years ago, but I can only take a certain dose of past!me.

Who'd have thought I'd be back here so soon? Certainly not me. Not that I mind. Barcelona is a wonderful city - one I'm sort of beginning to feel quite at home in - and Kadira and her little family are always fun to be with. This stay is decidedly less fannish than the last, though. Language school is time consuming, and it isn't helpful either that I was not put in the course for absolute beginners. All the others in my class have already been here for a week, and it's kind of hard to keep up with them...
Got lots of homework, too. I hardly get around to watching Farscape with Kadira! And all my website work is still waiting to be tackled, as are several fanfics I brought, in the hope that I would be inspired... and inspired I am, but I haven't had much of a chance to write yet. A shame.
Still, I feel pretty good, though I did have two short bouts of depression, also. One yesterday, when - perhaps reawakened due to the change in pace that comes with travelling - the awareness that Farscape is ending, at least for the time being, rose to the surface of my mind once more. The other today, when talking about fanfic writing and the fact that nobody seems to read me. Well, nobody but a few very choice friends. (My usual coming and going writer's neurosis.)
On the whole, though, I'm quite happy. I feel very comfortable with my hosts, now that I'm here for the third time in less than three years, and I do enjoy finally learning a new language again. It's been a long time... (Latin doesn't count.)
It's difficult, though. Not really much more difficult than I expected, but definitely more time consuming. Classes from 9 in the morning to a quarter past two in the afternoon, then homework, which also takes hours, even if I do it only sloppily. The teachers are very nice, and the classes are very small. Four people in the morning - two girls, one guy, and me - and three in the afternoon - me, the guy from the morning class, and an older man who's lived in Ireland for 20 years. Unfortunately, almost everybody is German, and the only non-German is Swiss. On the other hand, it's good that there are people who speak and understand German, 'cause I'm still very, very far from being able to communicate in Spanish. Volker (that's Kadira's hubby) is planning to complement my teaching by taking us to see The Two Towers in Spanish this weekend... *g*
Well... what else to tell? Today Mike, Kadira's son, caught a mouse, so I feel right at home. ;-)
It's much less cold here than I expected, which is good. Today I got drenched in a downpour, though, and I think I'm going to buy an umbrella tomorrow! As well as a dictionary.
I'm writing Save Farscape letters even from Barcelona, and plan on sending postcards to Bonnie Hammer, Mark Stern, Tom Vitale, Kevin Levy and Gary Levine, and to Henson, too. Just to show them that Farscape fans truly are everywhere, and will be counted wherever they are. *g*
I'm also planning on taking turns with Volker preparing dinner for the four of us... I feel bad enough as it is 'imposing' myself on them like this! ;-) I made a potato and pea dish today that even Mike seemed to like. That made me so proud! *g*
Well... my brain is sort of half-asleep already, so I think I'll stop now. These two days have been kind of quiet, anyway, so there isn't that much more to tell, really, at the moment.

On edit: Just noticed I haven't mentioned this yet, since I haven't been updating my Livejournal very often recently: I think I should mention here that I was apparently accepted for the ERASMUS program after last week's short interview about my motivations. I say 'apparently' because the wording of the acceptance mail suggested there might be yet another selection process. I sent back the 'I accept' form, anyway, and we'll see what will happen. My euphoria after the decision was strangely limited - non-existent, actually. I think that is because the reality of my endeavour began to finally catch up with me, and I was finally beginning to get afraid... not afraid enough to quit now, though! So, if all goes well, I'll be in Birmingham, come October... :-)

But now I should really go to bed.

Welcome reader, whoever you may be (most likely Kadira or Thilo, who are currently the only people who have even heard I have this place, Kadira being the one who talked me into getting it ;-)). So, what does one do with a weblog? Well, from the evidence I've seen in other people's blogs, I guess you mostly use them to ramble, in the vague hope that someone is listening. Strange -- only recently, journals were secret, private things, and nowadays we put them on the net for the whole world (or, as the case may be, a select part of it) to read. But do we have anything worthwhile to tell? More specifically, do I? I don't know, but I don't think so. Still, as you can see, I already have the hang of rambling, so I guess I'll be right at home in the weblogging world.

Random thoughts of the day:

It's good to know how to make an authentic-tasting Indian curry dish. It's also good to eat the remains of that dish for breakfast.

Doctors rarely can tell you what's wrong with you, but since I'm deliberately drinking camomile tea, I *must* be sick. Or at least mentally damaged.

It feels good to get up before noon and get some work done. (I'm a student; sue me!)

As a fanfic writer, I suffer from unhealthy hero worship complexes. In every fandom, there is at least one fanfic writer compared with whom I feel hopelessly incompetent, and whose attention and approval I strive for in a most embarrassing manner.