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hmpfFrell. Frell. Frell. Frell. Frell. Frell.
All right. Frell, I'm a friggin' neurotic when it comes to fanfic. I've reached a point where it's nearly impossible for me to check the websites of the fanfic writers I consider geniuses without feeling an almost *physical* pain. Holy dren, this is not healthy. My stomach lurches and I'm just green with envy. Yes, I admit that that is what it is, envy. It's not a nice trait, I'm not a nice person, I suppose -- but I can't deny it, I'm frelling envious of people whose gifts are obviously so much greater than mine. I wish I could do something about it -- I would like to be a nicer person, I would like to be just happy to be able to read their stuff and enjoy it, instead of having these decidedly mixed (or rather, wholly unpleasant) feelings when reading truly great fanfic, but there it is, and the only thing that helps even a little bit is writing. And I have so frelling little time for that.
In case anyone wants to know what brought about this sudden outburst: a look at Maayan's weblog did this to me. Damn, I want to be as brilliant as that. Every look at that weblog shows me how depressingly limited my mind is.
I'm gonna write a neurotic mail now and then write some fic before I go to bed. I need to finish 'Rise and Shine'.
All right. Frell, I'm a friggin' neurotic when it comes to fanfic. I've reached a point where it's nearly impossible for me to check the websites of the fanfic writers I consider geniuses without feeling an almost *physical* pain. Holy dren, this is not healthy. My stomach lurches and I'm just green with envy. Yes, I admit that that is what it is, envy. It's not a nice trait, I'm not a nice person, I suppose -- but I can't deny it, I'm frelling envious of people whose gifts are obviously so much greater than mine. I wish I could do something about it -- I would like to be a nicer person, I would like to be just happy to be able to read their stuff and enjoy it, instead of having these decidedly mixed (or rather, wholly unpleasant) feelings when reading truly great fanfic, but there it is, and the only thing that helps even a little bit is writing. And I have so frelling little time for that.
In case anyone wants to know what brought about this sudden outburst: a look at Maayan's weblog did this to me. Damn, I want to be as brilliant as that. Every look at that weblog shows me how depressingly limited my mind is.
I'm gonna write a neurotic mail now and then write some fic before I go to bed. I need to finish 'Rise and Shine'.
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Yep
Date: 2002-06-16 09:12 am (UTC)Anyway, I know *exactly* what you mean. I felt the same way when I read some really great stories today. I envy certain authors so much that it isn't nice anymore ...
Yeah, awful feeling, isn't it?
Date: 2002-06-17 02:22 pm (UTC)