hmpf

Farscape. John-centric. Vignette/ficlet (ca. 1000 words). Angst (naturally).

Dead Man's Jacket

Let me know if there are any language/style issues - I made some changes after I ran it past my wonderful beta beccatoria, so there *may* be problems that were introduced due to my meddling with it after the betaing.

The TBFC is still the coolest fan event I've experienced. (Yes, including my one and so far only Worldcon. Though that was pretty great, too.)

For some bizarre reason, there are few things more relaxing than falling asleep in a sleeping bag on an inflatable mattress in front of an ep of Farscape (or something else) that's being projected onto a wall at half past two a.m. Never mind that sleeping bags are never particularly comfortable, and neither are inflatable mattresses; never mind that in any other situation it would be impossible to sleep through the kind of noise produced by a subwoofer etc., not to mention the guy snoring merrily away two mattresses over from yours. Both nights I spent there I fell asleep with the most extraordinary feeling of peace and contentment.

Which is, probably, a slightly odd thing to feel while watching/falling asleep during the more angsty and dramatic eps of Farscape - but there it is. It's largely due to the company, I think.

Farscape is, of course, still *the* best at delivering 'my' kind of angst. Oh John. *hugs her astronut*

We fell asleep to Liars, Guns and Money yesterday, which is pretty much the apex of Scorpy-induced John!angst. John, pulling a gun on Stark. John, trying to put the explodey stuff on the cooling rod, talking to himself, swatting at the voices in his head. John confronting Scorpy, defying him with a desperate joke, shaking and contorted with the effort of even that much resistance, then crawling away singing. (Seeing a clip of that scene in English, back in 2000 or 2001, was what made me realise I really needed to see this show in its original language - there was no way the German dubbing could have captured the mix of despair and defiance in Ben Browder's voice.)

And that's just the first ep of the three-parter, of course. In the third part, we actually see the exact moment John breaks - in the middle of a firefight, after a last act of resistance, an inarticulate scream and some helpless gun-pointing. There's a point at which he just stops: stops screaming, lowers the gun, and just stands there, right in the line of fire - blood trickling from his nose, a terrifying sign that there is something very wrong indeed inside his brain... Aeryn has to bodily push him away to save his life, and for the rest of the firefight he sits by the side looking dazed and empty, the blood from his nose now copious, while gorgeous, deadly Aeryn defends him from Scorpius's peacekeepers with her big gun.

Oh, John.

(And no, the gender-bending symbols in that scene are not of my invention, they're in there all right. That's Farscape for you. The woman shoots; the man bleeds. And this is not an anime nosebleed.)

Instead, I went on a Farscape fic reading spree. For the first time in, what... seven years? *boggles*

I need, need, need to scape someone.

Also, if this continues, I may have to reinstate one of my old Farscape LJ icons...

Actually, why don't I do that right now? I'm not producing enough meta to justify the meta icon anyway; so begone, meta icon! And welcome back, Farscape angst icon!

... that I am a very sick individual:

I am currently having far too much fun with a comments conversation about making Sam die a horrible, horrible death.

(@ Everyone: please, go read Appearances etc., which I recced here a while ago. Ever since finding out that there will probably be a sequel, I've been going frelling batshit CRAZY with speculation bunnies, and I NEED someone I can blather to about this. At the moment I'm mostly spamming the author herself, which, aside from the fact that it keeps her from WRITING (much more important than listening to my blathering!!) also seems to have a disturbing, potentiating effect on our respective evilness; and that *can't* be good for the fic! (Or, well, not for the protagonists, anyway. *snerk*)

is about half done and clocking in at 3300 words now. If I produced fic at the pace I produce meta I'd be a novelist.

When I'm done with the first version of this I'm going to want to run it by some critical minds before posting it. Any takers? Topics covered include angst and h/c, the problem of the body (esp. in h/c), the problem of eroticising suffering, objectification and exploitation, squicks, the meaning of angst, its relation to sadism/masochism, etc...

Irony? Where?

The current Sam Death Count in fic by Hmpf:

Starving on the Jump Down: all about Sam dying.

Round the Bend in Eighty Days: starts with Sam dying (and did so long before series two even began, I may add.)

Möglichkeitssinn: prospect of death on the horizon.

Back to the Future: ditto, though it's partly a utopia, so maybe I'll add a miracle cure.

Miracle: prospect of death on the horizon. Possibly.

Borderlands: starts out with Sam already dead.

How to Love a Madman: alive and well! Honest! (Just a bit insane, but that's par for the course.) *g*

(Sorry. I don't even watch Torchwood. But I sort of liked that ep title.)

But. Seriously. WTF is it with fic writers and killing Sam recently? Seems like it's the new big fad. Which is kind of odd - as well as kind of fitting - seeing as how the lad's *already* dead! I mean, is it even still possible for him to die in 1973? *g*

( Bit of meta about deathfic, angst, h/c etc. )

*

Speaking of dead protagonists. To complement my writing that frelling useless essay/paper/thing about An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge recently (not really - it's just a coincidence, really) I just bought Flann O'Brien's The Third Policeman.

Any other texts with dead protagonists I should know? *g* (I know there are a few movies - Jacob's Ladder, Abre Los Ojos... anything else?)

I openly, and even with some pride, admit that one of my purposes in life is making people uncomfortable and/or sad by writing fic that's heavy on the angst, and occasionally outright disturbing. So, after having a bit of a conversation today about that, I decided to have a look at my collected feedback (yes, folks, you read that right. I collect my feedback. It helps when the writing neurosis rears its head; nurturing an inflated sense of my own talent is one of the things that *sort of* helps against the neurosis, at least for a while, until someone or something takes me down a few pegs again.)

So here's an overview of feedback telling me how I succeeded at this purpose of mine (anonymised, naturally, and heavily abridged):

( How to inflate my ego... )

(You may imagine my tongue lodged firmly in my cheek when I wrote the first sentence of this entry.)

I really need to work on my iconing skills.

Actually, I really should be working for uni right now.

ETA: All my icons, most of them even crappier-looking than this one, can be found here: http://www.allabouthmpf.com/icons.htm. I'm really not very good at integrating text with pictures. Also, there's errors in the quotes in some of them (the 'normal' one and the 'tiny planet' one). Need to fix all that... someday. Anyway. *Should* you happen to like one, unlikely as it is, the usual applies: take it, and credit.