Old inferiority complex transmogrified

[hmpf]

Back in the days when I began to take writing fanfic seriously, I discovered I couldn't enjoy reading fanfic in the fandoms I was writing anymore - especially really good fanfic. I compared myself to the writers I was reading, and found myself lacking, all too often. That's why I never read most of the really famous Farscape fan writers who had begun their ascent just around the time I started writing Farscape. That's why I nearly completely stopped reading Highlander. Thankfully, I've recently gotten over that silly inferiority complex thing, at least where my writing is concerned. I can enjoy fanfic in my writing fandoms again, and I'm glad of that. Partly, I think, this has to do with my increased belief in my skill (or at least potential) as a writer. So, I thought I had left that complex behind for good.

Well, apparently not. 'Cause now it's beginning to interfere with my enjoyment of fanvids.

Today, legendary vidder Luminosity posted a Life On Mars vid. I downloaded it, but I'm almost terrified of watching it. I know I'm being silly - especially since comparing myself to Luminosity is nothing short of hubris - yet I can't help myself.

Oh, I'll watch it eventually, I'm sure.

But, yeah, something in me's trembling at the thought, and not with pleasant anticipation as it should.

Silly, eh?

Comments

Re: Yeah, I'll save it until I'm done, I think.

[chasarumba.livejournal.com]

A bit frustrating, too, though, 'cause if *you* still get that feeling, then does that mean it will never stop?

I'd be so worried if it ever went away. As much as it is sometimes defeating (in the "oh my God, I should just quit because I'll never be in that league" sense) it is also the thing that pushes me forward creatively. When I danced competitively, it was the same thing...there was no "mastery" to be achieved, rather the idea of always being in pursuit of ever-moving goals.

I'm not a great fan of effects; I feel they rarely really enhance a vid, and very often are a kind of lazy way out, or even actively detract from a vid's overall effect - many effects are just a bit silly, IMO. There are, of course, exceptions - your vids come to mind, as does In Your Honor, or Dallascaper's Scorpy Went Down To Georgia.

This is something I've pondered quite a lot recently. Obviously, I'm not shy of using effects :) I've discovered that I don't really even like the *term* "effects," because it's so often used in a pejorative way. To me, every editing technique -- from the most basic to the most complex -- has an effect. Using a straight cut has an effect. Using a shiny thingamabob has an effect. They're tools that are neither inherently good nor bad. How they're USED can definitely make them horrifying...heh. I want to learn about as many of these tools as possible so that I'll have the largest range of available options when editing...ways in which to enhance and strengthen the bond between music and story. My continuing challenge is to expand my range of knowledge and then try very hard to apply it appropriately. It's inevitable that in the process of experimenting with this, I'm going to make choices that fall flat with some people. Wider range of options = more difficult choices. That's OK.

I guess I end up falling somewhere in the middle of the spectrum on effects. There's the "silly" place that you mention...where effects are used (like some of the truly awful transition presets found in different editing suites) without much thought or care, just because they're there. Some of those vids are utter messes; some can be beautifully done, but there's not much in them beyond curb appeal. And then on the other end of the spectrum there are the militant straight cuts/crossfades ONLY people, who act like you've soiled yourself in public if you dare to utilize other editing techniques. That I find almost as lazy as the haphazard use of effects. I don't have a problem with the choice to only ever use basic editing techniques; I *do* have a problem with those who claim that this is the single best way to vid. Pshaw. It's a big, beautiful world and a lot of ways to skin the cat.

What scares me more are people like you and tazey who seem to suddenly pop up in the fandom as, pardon the term, fully formed geniuses. ;-)

As tazey said, if only! My first vid (indeed, the Jossverse stuff is older) is predictably bad, not that I didn't do the best I could at the time. I will never remaster it in any way, though...it's good to see where you've come from. And I still feel rather formless and constantly shifting :)

Stopping before this becomes a thesis...I don't get to talk vidding with many people, so I apologize for going on and on and on...

Re: Yeah, I'll save it until I'm done, I think.

[hmpf.livejournal.com]

>I'd be so worried if it ever went away.

Hmm, I dunno. Maybe our feelings of being awed are a bit different after all - mine's mostly destructive. It discourages me, *and* destroys my enjoyment of others' good work. And, as I said, I've recently lost that feeling about fanfic in my writing fandoms, and I don't think I'm challenging myself any less now just because I feel less awed by the competition. I still get instances of 'wow, I could never do that!', of course, but I manage to counter them with a firm 'well, maybe I can't do *that*, but I can be good in my *own* way.' And that's the mental place I need to reach for vidding, too, I think.

I think my desire to produce good and *different* work and to constantly push myself is pretty much intrinsic, it doesn't depend so much on competition. In fact, I tend to give up more easily in the face of competition, and find it easier to excel when I manage to *really* push any thought of what others may or may not be doing better than me from my mind.

So, yeah, I think I could do with a little less angst in my vidding experience. But the angst will probably grow less as I see myself growing as a vidder, at least if my vidding development should turn out to parallel my writing development.

Re: effects (or, if you prefer the term: shiny thingamabobs *g*): Well, my mostly negative reaction to them comes from the careless way in which they are used by many vidders, of course. Naturally, the shiny thingamabobs aren't evil in and of themselves. But I have a lot more respect for someone who manages to use internal movement in a clip or clever, rhythmic editing to visually underline or punctuate something (god, it's hard to talk about these things... I lack the vocabulary) than for someone who just puts a quick flash from the effects box there. That does not mean that flashes etc. can't work better than internal movement or whatever in many instances. It just means that I wish people would think a bit more about what they use their effects for, and whether there is, perhaps, a more creative, and often also more poignant solution. (And I wish people would refrain from using the silly ones, which, incidentally or not so incidentally, means just about *any* of the presets in Windows Movie Maker. People should shun those like the plague!)

Also, there are some absolutely stunning vids done with just straight cuts and perhaps a few fades - some of my favourites belong in that category, in fact. I'm not saying people should necessarily limit themselves to that, but doing so *can* be a valid aesthetic choice. Voluntarily restricting yourself to certain tools can be quite a challenge. Also, I think that's a wise thing for beginners to do - learn the basics first, and then later try to learn how to master the shiny thingamabobs. ;-) Cause that takes yet another kind of mastery.

Gah, I'm rambling, sorry. I think we're actually pretty much in agreement here, although with my rambling that may be difficult to tell, at times... *g*

Re: remastering old stuff: Yeah, I'll never rewrite my very first fic, either - and I'm keeping it on my website as a historical document of my beginnings. I *am* rewriting some of the later early ones, though, because I like the ideas in them too much, and think I could really improve them a bit now.

As for being 'rather formless and constantly shifting' - that's a good thing. How could creativity be anything but formless and shifting? Wouldn't that mean stagnation? What I meant when I talked about 'fully formed' above was not that your work is monolithic or anything, but rather that there is a consistently high *quality* about it. But the shifting nature is *part* of that quality.

Re: Yeah, I'll save it until I'm done, I think.

[chasarumba.livejournal.com]

And that's the mental place I need to reach for vidding, too, I think.

I think you *will* get there with vidding as well, given time. I can understand how discouraging and disheartening it is to get mired in the bad angst...I've gone through periods of that, just not as much lately.

And until you start to turn the corner with that, likely after you've gotten a few vids under your belt, I don't think there's anything wrong with limiting your vid-watching while you're working on a project. I tune out of a lot of things when I'm vidding heavily (uh, housework being one that I *shouldn't* disengage from so much)...and come back to them later when I'm ready to expand my focus again.

Yep, I think we're on the same page...thanks for the opportunity to ramble with someone who mulls over these same topics :)