Old inferiority complex transmogrified

[hmpf]

Back in the days when I began to take writing fanfic seriously, I discovered I couldn't enjoy reading fanfic in the fandoms I was writing anymore - especially really good fanfic. I compared myself to the writers I was reading, and found myself lacking, all too often. That's why I never read most of the really famous Farscape fan writers who had begun their ascent just around the time I started writing Farscape. That's why I nearly completely stopped reading Highlander. Thankfully, I've recently gotten over that silly inferiority complex thing, at least where my writing is concerned. I can enjoy fanfic in my writing fandoms again, and I'm glad of that. Partly, I think, this has to do with my increased belief in my skill (or at least potential) as a writer. So, I thought I had left that complex behind for good.

Well, apparently not. 'Cause now it's beginning to interfere with my enjoyment of fanvids.

Today, legendary vidder Luminosity posted a Life On Mars vid. I downloaded it, but I'm almost terrified of watching it. I know I'm being silly - especially since comparing myself to Luminosity is nothing short of hubris - yet I can't help myself.

Oh, I'll watch it eventually, I'm sure.

But, yeah, something in me's trembling at the thought, and not with pleasant anticipation as it should.

Silly, eh?

Comments

[steelvictory.livejournal.com]

I'm a huge fan of Luminosity's, and I think that for a beginning vidder, you have nothing to worry about. Watch it, enjoy it, and maybe get some ideas for future projects down the road. That becomes my motto whenever I get my inferiority slumps with my writing.

Yeah, but that's not how my inferiority complexes work.

[hmpf.livejournal.com]

They're based on unhealthy degree of perfectionism, you see? The thing is, I don't tolerate my own imperfections very well - *especially* not in a first work. It has to be perfect, or as close to perfect as possible. It does *not* have to be the most complex or effects-laden video ever made, but it does have to achieve what I set out to do to the very best of my ability: the very best vid you could make without using a lot of special effects, based on a relatively slow song. That means the narrative needs to be flawless, the timing has to be as precise as possible, there has to be optimal use of internal movement, and the rhythm and other features of the music need to be made the best possible use of (without resorting to lots of special effects, cause I think trying to learn how to handle *those* is something I should keep for my second vid or later).

So that's what I'm trying to do, and that is what Luminosity is already so very good at. And - hubris or no - I just can't live very well with being any less good. I know there's a learning curve and all... I just don't deal well with learning curves.

I think 'hubris' should be my middle name.