hmpf: Cole and Ramse from the show not actually called "Splinter" (Default)
Right.

Here's the deal.

I have *no* time. No time for anything beyond uni and the bare necessities of living, that is.

This will continue to be the case for... at least the next eight months. Possibly the entire next year and a bit longer than that, even (though I really hope that there will be a bit of a break somewhere between the eight months and the phase after that).

Technically, I should have spent much less time here in the last few months already; I just ignored the more sensible parts of my mind that said "if you worked a bit more on your thesis now, and a bit less on fic/discussions/catching up with LJ... you would have less stress when the actual deadline for your M.A. comes up, and probably get a better result to boot." Being chronically unable to keep any kind of balance in my life, I overdosed on fandom instead (knowing, at least subconsciously, that it might be my last dose for a long time to come).

To make up for all that lost time, I now have to devote my entire time to my thesis. By now, time's so short that the necessary work is only *barely* manageable, even if I do devote all my time to it. I was deluding myself to think that it would be possible to keep up the semblance of a life beside it.

I am sorry that, in my deluded state, I got involved in some fannish projects, believing I would be able to keep being properly involved - and getting people's enthusiasm up in the process. I hate leaving you guys in a lurch. I hate being unreliable; I hate being a bad friend; I hate being trapped and waylaid by my own inability to plan ahead. The guilt is immense.

Guilt aside, I miss you guys already and will miss you more. I'm literally crying here now. But I think the only way I'm going to get over the next... eight... twelve... months, is by essentially disconnecting the fandom parts of my brain. Fandom is a source of great joy, but it's also the greatest devourer of time in my life. Fandom, *active* fandom - the social side of it, the creative side of it - is not possible without devoting fairly massive amounts of time to it. I've been struggling with it before, and I absolutely can't afford it now.

So this is me announcing another GAFIA (actually, I think, announcing a GAFIA for the first time - the previous ones always just sort of... happened, and weren't so much a matter of conscious decision.) Think of it as me being suddenly offered a chance to work in the Antarctic or something. Communication is going to be difficult, but I'm not going to forget you guys, and it's not forever. It's just a year. Or so.

I'll continue to post here, but it's mostly going to be one-way communications - just short life signs, and a way for me to keep track of myself. I'll be checking in with some of you occasionally, probably mostly silently, but the Great Catching Up Project will have to be restarted when I'm back, *properly* back.

I may go on the occasional surprise posting/commenting spree when I can't bear the isolation anymore.

As a very busy wizard once said: expect me when you see me.
hmpf: Cole and Ramse from the show not actually called "Splinter" (Default)
a pointless post on what I did after the 'Zwischenprüfung' and what I'm going to do next. And why this journal will have a lower priority for a while still.

For months and months I have postponed things I wanted (or had) to do that were not absolutely necessary, because *something* always was more important. Getting my application papers for Birmingham ready. Getting my paper on early bronze age daggers ready. Preparing for the exam.

Prioritizing is important. I know that. But it is also frustrating if you have to always put the things you really want to do on the back burner. Things like writing fanfic, making jewellery, rebuilding my website, posting on forums, doing various Save Farscape related stuff, updating my LJ... So, I've 'saved up' a whole lot of Things I Want To Do (and a few I Have To Do, too), and now I'm going to do as many of them as possible. In fact, I started immediately after the exam. On that one day, in less than 12 hours, I made three simple rings, burned a dozen CDs, edited my fic, built one new page for my website, watched two eps of Angel (I'm still in S3! And I'm just as far behind on Buffy!!), cooked dinner, called some people, gave feedback on the first version of the next Scape Sisters video, sorted an about knee-high stack of paper that had accumulated on my desk... in other words, I got a lot done.

On Friday, the day after that frightfully effective day, I mostly met friends (and battled with the washing machine, but that's another story). We had our monthly Farscape meeting, an old friend who's so far avoided our congregations decided to join us, and we had a very nice evening. The next day was similar, only that I just met one friend (that same old friend, in fact), and we watched some Stargate. (Yes, I'm trying to look beyond the rim of the FS plate. After one and a half seasons of SG I find it not particularly exciting, but nice in a harmless, popcorn kind of way. I'd never write fanfic about it, but it's watchable, and a few eps had rather nice ideas behind them.)

Well, and these three days are very good examples of how I intend to spend my last few weeks in Germany before I leave for Birmingham: getting all kinds of things done that I missed doing in the last seven months or so, and meeting my friends as often as possible (and meeting *as many* of them as possible, I might add! - *waves to [livejournal.com profile] elbatsnud, [livejournal.com profile] dunkle_feuer, [livejournal.com profile] ankae*)

So, if you're not reading any updates here, or not many updates, anyway, it's likely that I'm doing one of the following:

- writing or editing fic
- rebuilding my website
- making jewellery
- catching up with a dozen series I'm way behind watching
- reading
- hanging out with friends

In other words, I have a life! ;-)

Nah, I'm just kidding. I don't mean to say that updating your LJ equals having no life! And since much of the stuff I intend to do is fannish in nature I'll probably update rather more often than usual. But in case I'm *not* updating, that will be the reason.

In other news, I burned a hole into a very old favourite t-shirt of mine today. Which is noteworthy because it's actually the first 'casualty' (apart from various cuts in my fingers and burns on my hands and a ripped-off bit of hair etc.) of my goldsmith's work in uhm, ten years or so. I've never damaged my clothing before; only myself *g*.

Well... I'll be back with something more interesting soon, I expect.

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