Just for the record

[hmpf]

(I suck at communicating. I meant to come back for a proper conversation yesterday; didn't manage because I sort of... didn't manage to do much of anything yesterday - apart from cleaning my flat, and doing the dishes, and stuff like that. That's really bad because it means I will pretty much have to work non-stop all weekend now to try to catch up with everything I need to get done before the week starts, which is lots and lots and lots. And then today I overslept, a lot, so I'm only really getting my ass in gear now, at two in the afternoon. And I still have to clean the stairs, and do the big weekly shopping hike to the far ends of town before I can even start working on the really important stuff. Damn.)


Okay. What I *actually* came here to say:

So, I'm glad I still have my job, I am.

But.

It still feels wrong.

Of course, that's because *everything* feels wrong, and will continue to feel wrong, until I sell off my belongings, and chain myself to a coal power plant, and get thrown into jail or something. Frankly, that's the only thing (or *kind* of thing) that *truly* makes rational sense here and now, if you consider physical reality superior in import to economic reality.

And the main reason I'm not doing it - aside from cowardice, and attachment to creature comforts - is that I can't see it doing much good if I do it alone.

***


BTW, anyone around here ever travel by container ship? Thinking about ways to avoid that flight to the U.S.

Comments

[kimboo_york]

I tend to think that there are gradations to "feels wrong." There is the level I hit a few years ago, when I had absolutely nothing to live for, no reason to get out of bed in the morning other than to pay the bills and not be homeless. Bottom of the bucket sort of thing. Then there are points where things feel wrong but we know they are temporary, or what feels wrong is only, say, 30% of our lives while the other %70 is most excellent. Etc.

So maybe work towards what you know won't feel quite as wrong, for now? Go in the right direction; things might still feel wrong for a while, but not quite so much as now, and not forever.

At the very least, you know what is NOT working for you. That's important knowledge.

[stabbim.livejournal.com]

If everything feels wrong, then try to improve the little things to make the world a little bit more right. Instead of being hard on yourself for oversleeping, be glad that you got mush-needed sleep after that stressful and exhausting week. You're not a robot. On top of that, those low iodine levels probably make you tired. Try to be efficient and happy about stuff you do get done. It doesn't sound like much, but it will reduce your stress levels. Too much stress is one's own worst enemy.

I'm glad you still have got the job. I'm glad you didn't quit. Like I said before, be patient with yourself. Just do the best work you can do at this very moment, and you've got nothing to be ashamed of. No one can give 100% all the time.

[dune-drd.livejournal.com]

So glad you still have the job. Having said that, I think you just need a little more structure in your life (my secret is To Do Lists, but that only works for some) - I know you try to keep schedules and fail, so I'd say either that schedule is too tight or you're not invested enough in them. And I don't mean that to sound harsh, I'm just someone who really, really likes sticking to plans. In some ways, I'm probably too orderly.

BTW: Doesn't a container ship take, like, 3 weeks for crossing the atlantic?