hmpf

It feels somehow fundamentally wrong not to have time to sleep. Like it should be against the law or something. Then again, of course, I'm only doing this to myself. Nobody's *forcing* me to keep on applying for jobs while doing a full-time internship. I could just ignore all those application deadlines and start job hunting again only after the internship.

Except I'm growing older and older, and with each month it's growing less likely that I'll be hired for any moderately interesting job. I have a feeling that 35 is the 'final frontier' - so I really, *really* need to make those eleven months count. I have to send out as many applications as humanly possible in those eleven months before I turn 35.

If only it didn't take me so frelling long to finish a single application. I've been working on the current one for six to eight hours - started yesterday evening, and it's still not done. And I may be already too late for that one, as it's for a fairly old job ad (nearly three weeks old by now). But it's a real dream job, so... Plus, when I called them last Friday, the job wasn't taken yet.

Life, perversely, just keeps adding to the stress level. I fell pretty badly a few days ago, so every movement hurts now (no serious injuries, thankfully, just sprains and bruises and abrasions all over). Our washing machine broke down a couple of days before that, so now I have to trudge down to the local laundrette with my Big Bag o' Laundry, and waste precious time (and money) there. The bathroom door just broke today, so now we have to pee in (semi)public - we can still sort of lean the door against the doorframe. And, of course, my Frighteningly Young(tm) roommates basically party in the living room next door practically every night, which doesn't really help with concentrating. I also just today ruined one fairly new pair of jeans by putting it in the dryer; it's a good size or two smaller two, and doesn't fit me anymore. So I'll have to waste time and money going clothes shopping soon. (I only brought three pairs of trousers.) I also ruined a beautiful new t-shirt by putting it over a chair to dry when there wasn't any space on the drying rack - the chair's colour wasn't waterproof and bled into the shirt.

Also, I recently noticed that the scans I made of my various certificates etc. look like crap when printed on certain printers. So I went on an epic quest to find a competent copy shop that could scan them for me in job-application-worthy quality, and spent insane amounts of time (and money) hunting around the city, being shouted at by copy shop owners, and making test scans everywhere, without really getting a good result anywhere. The most annoying thing about this is that I'd already sent the crappy scans out with several applications for jobs I really, really wanted. So I guess whatever chance I had there is gone.

So. Sorry, I'm whining again. I do a lot of random-breaking-into-tears these days. It sucks, but there just don't seem to be any sufficiently large stores of Happy anywhere, at the moment. I need a break. I just can't afford to take one.

Oh god I have to get up in five and a half hours to go to work.

Should I be worried if my left ear - the inside of it - feels as if, I dunno, as if ants or other small creepy-crawlies were crawling in it? It doesn't feel like that non-stop, but it occurs several times a day, and sometimes for hours at a time. It does not bother me much - in fact, it's even a vaguely pleasant sensation, sometimes (and no, I am *not* a Ferengi! *g*) but it *is* a strange new sensation that has been occurring on and off for several weeks now, and as the human ear generally seems sensitive to stress (both tinnitus and sensorineural hearing loss are at least sometimes due to stress, I think), and I *am* quite stressed at the moment, I'm wondering if that odd sensation is a message my body is sending me...

Anybody know anything about that? I don't really have time to see a doctor at the moment...

Behold, my next four months:

1.7.-3.7.: Tolkien convention

4.7.-5.7.: prepare stuff for Worldcon, and prepare presentation for Wednesday

6.7.: presentation at uni

7.7.-17.8.: study for oral exam; see/call/e-mail friends I neglected for months; start translating It's Walky! (at least 1 hour per day); prepare written version of my first presentation; beta read; finish rings for Myri

18.7.: oral exam

19.7.-2.8.: prepare written version of my second presentation; continue translating IW!; beta read; finish earrings for my mom; various other fannish and RL stuff; travel preparations

3.8.: fly to Glasgow

4.8.-8.8.: Worldcon. 7.8.: appear on two panels (Farscape and BSG); 8.8.: celebrate my birthday

9.8.-12.8. or so: travel with seti_drd

13.8.-25.8.: perhaps manage to meet jazzymegster; then: Birmingham - Cardiff - London.

25.8.: fly back to Germany

26.8. - mid-September: work full-time

mid-September - mid-October: excavation

mid/late October: experimental archaeology project

All the while these things also need to be done, pretty much consistently:

- make jewellery
- translate It's Walky!
- write a long, difficult paper for uni
- write a number of articles for a variety of websites and publications
- beta
- write, write, write (ha. As if.)
- try not to forget completely about my friends

And I bet I've forgotten to mention about half the stuff I need to do, too.

Anyway, I'm trying to take it one step at a time. What's pretty bad at the moment is that there are so many things that absolutely *have* to be done at the same time. Like, organising Worldcon stuff, *and* preparing a presentation, *and* organising my trip to Britain, *and* taking care of my frelling legal problem. I expect I'll feel a lot better by early August, when there'll be two presentations, one oral exam, and one Worldcon Farscape fan table less to take care of.

busy.

I'm still around, but finding it difficult to find the time and peace of mind to update this journal. I will continue it when I don't feel like a thousand things that need to be done are tearing me every which way anymore.

(Hugs) to everyone who's still reading (or attempting to read) this journal. *Is* anyone still checking it? Everyone who's reading this raise a hand, please! ;-)

Until I'm ready to write something here again, you can go and look at me in blue at Claudia's website:

http://www.anduranova.net (click 'other activities')

Hmpf MacAbsent