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hmpfThe most important thing first. (This is *my* journal, so -- *my* priorities. Even if they make sense to no one but me and the 2,559 posters on Frell Me Dead.) The most important thing is this: I'm depressed. Not too severely, but nevertheless. Watched 'We're So Screwed pt.1: Fetal Attraction' yesterday with Kadira (gotta love those ep titles), and it's a frelling fantastic ep. Damn, I love this show. And I can't help myself, I just love it when John goes totally badass. Love it in a sick way, because somehow it's all *wrong* for him to be that way, and yet... he's only survived because he's discovered he can be as tough as they come, so how wrong can it be? He had no choice with all the dren the universe (or, more precisely, sadistic script writers) kept throwing at him but to learn how to kick butt. And part of the sick thrill of watching John kick butt is that nagging memory at the back of my mind of the soft, naive, friendly and innocent John of season one. The discrepancy between the two is so incredible, and yet has been growing so slowly and believably. Which is precisely why I love the writers, actors, etc. of Farscape. I've never seen better character development on TV than on this show.
And then there's Aeryn. For once not rescuing John but being rescued by him. A distressingly weak Aeryn. For some reason this ep's torture scenes, short as they were, had a more profoundly distressing effect on me than the whole of 'Prayer' had. Don't know what was wrong with that, but somehow 'Prayer' didn't get to me as it should have. Well, but 'Fetal Attraction' did, oh yes. Especially the hallucinations in the beginning. Very, very painful.
The fandom is pretty divided over Aeryn at the moment, it seems. I don't read many blogs or forums, but a friend supplies me occasionally with stuff she considers worthwhile... Well, most people seem to agree that This Is Not Our Aeryn Anymore. Some take this quite literally, suggesting that the bioloid might have been on board Moya a lot longer than just since BHTB. Some just say it's inconsistent writing. Well, I dunno. I'm reasonably sure that, at least physically, it *is* our Aeryn all right. And all the strange changes in her behaviour I still tend to explain by reference to her months-long absence from Moya at the beginning of the season. We still don't know what happened there - and chances are we won't, not for a long time, anyway.
Other notes: obviously, I need to watch the ep again (and again and again and again and again... you know how it is), but a few things that struck me:
- Noranti and Rygel: very touching scene, between these two unlikely charactes. Only Farscape could have a truly touching scene between a two foot high greenish-grey (and peeling!) Muppet and a shriveled old woman with three eyes and monstrous ears. Incredible.
- D'Argo and Chiana: okay, I'm not a shipper, not by a long shot, but can I just go 'wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!' here for a moment???
- D'Argo has grown on me a *lot*. Also, he seems to be seriously growing up.
- Chiana never needed to grow on me, loved her from the beginning.
- Sikozu's people. Great, understated culture building there. Just a few hints here and there...
- Colour direction. Every FS ep seems to have its own colour. This one was sort of a brownish red.
- John/Aeryn shippiness: Let me repeat it: I am *not* a shipper. But seeing John sitting on the floor besides Aeryn's bed, sleeping, exhausted, leaning his head against the bed, and her stroking him ever so gently...... -- *melts*
- But my joy at the intensity of that moment is nothing compared to my happiness about the return of Harvey. Hezmana, I'm evil. I'm actually *happy* to see yet another stress factor resurface in John's already not exactly easy life! *g* But it's hard not to enjoy the interaction between the two, and the weird forms their enounters take on -- 'I am the undead!' *snort*.
And, frell, it's hard not to be fascinated by John's ongoing struggle with madness. I'm not sure I want to know what that says about me, but... there it is. Everybody who knows me a bit knows that I was frustrated when they seemed to remove the Harvey problem so easily in 'Promises'. Felt like a cop-out to me. I'm glad it turned out to be just a ruse.
I still can't believe that, if Skiffy have their way, there's only three more eps to go, and all those intriguing plot lines will be left dangling. Frell you, Skiffy. (Sorry, needed that.)
*****
All right, change of topic. The second most important thing in my life at the moment is of course the Spanish course. I've sort of caught up with the rest of the class now, and am feeling pretty good. I have to take care not to develop a crush for my teacher, though. He's kind of... hmmmm. Cute? Not really, but I like him. ´s far as I know him, which is not very far.
Which reminds me I should write a bit faster, 'cause I still have my 'deberes' to do.
*****
Okay. Next topic. Miles Vorkosigan. The other man in my life right now, courtesy of Lois McMaster Bujold. (LOL.) I don't feel like going into details here and now, as it's not yet an obsession, but I must say, the books are fun. Great fun. I'm not much for military SF, usually, but this series is interesting because of its characters and a nicely ironic touch, and the hero is such an unusual character that he's really almost the antithesis of the typical hero. But why the frell do strong women always have to have red hair??? ;-)
*****
Birmingham update: Told the foreign students' office that I would like to go there this autumn, and got a very encouraging reply that basically said that usually, once you're there, funds can be found to make a second semester possible. So, there's definitely hope for a whole year yet. :-)
*****
And finally, it looks like I will be doing some kind of presentation at this year's DortCon, in about three and a half weeks. It requires me to go directly to Dortmund from Barcelona, to speak to a probably tiny audience, but hey, the things I'm doing for Farscape...
You ask why I'm doing this? Well, same answer as the nasty answer from Aeryn's goddess: because I can. - And because it's important to me that the fandom survives and spreads, as much as possible, under these difficult conditions, because I still believe that fandom can be an important power in making a future for the show possible. So, it's simple, really. I think something needs to be done; I feel like I can do it, and that probably no one will do it if I don't do it myself, and hence, I do it. And that's that.)
Okay, and now off to my homeworks and then to bed.
And then there's Aeryn. For once not rescuing John but being rescued by him. A distressingly weak Aeryn. For some reason this ep's torture scenes, short as they were, had a more profoundly distressing effect on me than the whole of 'Prayer' had. Don't know what was wrong with that, but somehow 'Prayer' didn't get to me as it should have. Well, but 'Fetal Attraction' did, oh yes. Especially the hallucinations in the beginning. Very, very painful.
The fandom is pretty divided over Aeryn at the moment, it seems. I don't read many blogs or forums, but a friend supplies me occasionally with stuff she considers worthwhile... Well, most people seem to agree that This Is Not Our Aeryn Anymore. Some take this quite literally, suggesting that the bioloid might have been on board Moya a lot longer than just since BHTB. Some just say it's inconsistent writing. Well, I dunno. I'm reasonably sure that, at least physically, it *is* our Aeryn all right. And all the strange changes in her behaviour I still tend to explain by reference to her months-long absence from Moya at the beginning of the season. We still don't know what happened there - and chances are we won't, not for a long time, anyway.
Other notes: obviously, I need to watch the ep again (and again and again and again and again... you know how it is), but a few things that struck me:
- Noranti and Rygel: very touching scene, between these two unlikely charactes. Only Farscape could have a truly touching scene between a two foot high greenish-grey (and peeling!) Muppet and a shriveled old woman with three eyes and monstrous ears. Incredible.
- D'Argo and Chiana: okay, I'm not a shipper, not by a long shot, but can I just go 'wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!' here for a moment???
- D'Argo has grown on me a *lot*. Also, he seems to be seriously growing up.
- Chiana never needed to grow on me, loved her from the beginning.
- Sikozu's people. Great, understated culture building there. Just a few hints here and there...
- Colour direction. Every FS ep seems to have its own colour. This one was sort of a brownish red.
- John/Aeryn shippiness: Let me repeat it: I am *not* a shipper. But seeing John sitting on the floor besides Aeryn's bed, sleeping, exhausted, leaning his head against the bed, and her stroking him ever so gently...... -- *melts*
- But my joy at the intensity of that moment is nothing compared to my happiness about the return of Harvey. Hezmana, I'm evil. I'm actually *happy* to see yet another stress factor resurface in John's already not exactly easy life! *g* But it's hard not to enjoy the interaction between the two, and the weird forms their enounters take on -- 'I am the undead!' *snort*.
And, frell, it's hard not to be fascinated by John's ongoing struggle with madness. I'm not sure I want to know what that says about me, but... there it is. Everybody who knows me a bit knows that I was frustrated when they seemed to remove the Harvey problem so easily in 'Promises'. Felt like a cop-out to me. I'm glad it turned out to be just a ruse.
I still can't believe that, if Skiffy have their way, there's only three more eps to go, and all those intriguing plot lines will be left dangling. Frell you, Skiffy. (Sorry, needed that.)
*****
All right, change of topic. The second most important thing in my life at the moment is of course the Spanish course. I've sort of caught up with the rest of the class now, and am feeling pretty good. I have to take care not to develop a crush for my teacher, though. He's kind of... hmmmm. Cute? Not really, but I like him. ´s far as I know him, which is not very far.
Which reminds me I should write a bit faster, 'cause I still have my 'deberes' to do.
*****
Okay. Next topic. Miles Vorkosigan. The other man in my life right now, courtesy of Lois McMaster Bujold. (LOL.) I don't feel like going into details here and now, as it's not yet an obsession, but I must say, the books are fun. Great fun. I'm not much for military SF, usually, but this series is interesting because of its characters and a nicely ironic touch, and the hero is such an unusual character that he's really almost the antithesis of the typical hero. But why the frell do strong women always have to have red hair??? ;-)
*****
Birmingham update: Told the foreign students' office that I would like to go there this autumn, and got a very encouraging reply that basically said that usually, once you're there, funds can be found to make a second semester possible. So, there's definitely hope for a whole year yet. :-)
*****
And finally, it looks like I will be doing some kind of presentation at this year's DortCon, in about three and a half weeks. It requires me to go directly to Dortmund from Barcelona, to speak to a probably tiny audience, but hey, the things I'm doing for Farscape...
You ask why I'm doing this? Well, same answer as the nasty answer from Aeryn's goddess: because I can. - And because it's important to me that the fandom survives and spreads, as much as possible, under these difficult conditions, because I still believe that fandom can be an important power in making a future for the show possible. So, it's simple, really. I think something needs to be done; I feel like I can do it, and that probably no one will do it if I don't do it myself, and hence, I do it. And that's that.)
Okay, and now off to my homeworks and then to bed.
Birmingham
Date: 2003-03-05 12:05 pm (UTC)I read your latest entries but I didn't answer. Sorry. I felt kind of numb because times flies and I don't see progress.
At first I didn't know what to answer about your plans to go to Birmingham. I thought that it's better to go there even if it's only for one semester. I thought it's worth the efforts and an opportunity to get at least a small inside in the studies into Birmingham. While considering what to answer, you got news and my thoughts aren't essential any longer. With the foreign students' office telling you that there are possiblities to finance a second semester, I'd definitely go there if I were you. Of course, you can't be sure about financial help for the second semester but I think they wouldn't have told you that if there weren't more possibilities than you expect right now.
However, I think that you should go to Birmingham an make the best out of it - even if it's only for one semester.
ankae
Re: Birmingham
Date: 2003-03-05 04:16 pm (UTC)I *am* going to Birmingham, btw. But thanks for the advice. I polled some other people on the net, too, and every single one told me to do it, and that's what my gut feeling said, anyway - Nicole's always talking about listening to your gut feelings... *g*
Oh, and as for progress... at least in one area there *has* been progress. I seem to be able to get you a LiveJournal code if you're still interested. Are you? Kadira has asked a friend who hasn't given hers away yet and who seems inclined to give it to you. :)
Hmpf
Re: Birmingham
Date: 2003-03-06 05:11 am (UTC)Then my teofl score was bad. To bad to apply for the LLM and hence there's hardly any chance to get a scholarship from DAAD for the LLM program. Now, I have to concentrate on the Master of Bioethics and Health Law program and retry the test after my Final State Examination. There's still hope to get a scholarship but it's frustrating to face more and more failures.
I calculated whether I can finance the Master programm by myself. I think it's possible but I need some help. I know that my partents want to help and yesterday I thought that I can manage to go to NZ anyway. But my mother called about 3 hours ago and she told me that she consideres to resign from her job. She's considering this since years but today she was more serious than ever. She said that she can afford to resign because my "Referendariat" ends in October. She sounded incredibly relieved. I know that she hates her job and that there are lots of reasons to think so. Hence, I couldn't tell her that I maybe have to pay for my study in NZ myself. By telling about her consideration she didn't think of my plans to go to NZ and didn't want to discourage me. I'm sure about this. And I don't want her to go on working with her exhausting job for my concerns. I'm sure about this as well. But the less money my partents have the less I dare asking them for help. I'm 26 years old. I should stop asking my partents for help.
Honestly I'm very depressed...and I think you didn't have to read between the lines to realise this. ;)
I'm not yet giving up but I don't see any progress as well.
Perhaps I should stop worrying and try to do my best and see what's happening...Hell, why don't I listen to my own advices? ;)
I'm lucky that you can go to Birmingham. I think that it'll be a great experience. It'll be awesome!
And of course I'm lucky about any progress! I'm still interested in getting a LiveJournal code. I like LiveJournals... and I have to train my English. I'm very pleased to get the code and willing to keep my code for Kadira's friend.
So, and now I'm trying not to care about the fact that it's starting to rain. It's a natural phenomenon and it has nothing to do with my mood or the fact that I have to go outside right now.
*trying to think positive*
ankae