hmpf: Show of my heart (angsty)
That is a difficult question, acutally.

It's difficult to count my WiPs, too, at the moment, because there are quite a few whose status sort of oscillates between "just a plot bunny I may tackle some day" and "actual project". But I'd say I have nine major projects, apart from Back.... Four of these have been very firmly on the back burner since around 2003 or 2004, though I am too fond of them, and in some cases there is too much material already, for me to consider them abandoned. Another has been on the back burner since 2006.

So that leaves four arguably "active" projects. Two of them, started in 2007 (or 2006?) and 2009 (or 2008?), respectively, are short by concept, and should be easy - they're essentially introspective mood pieces (one about John Crichton, the other about Maya, and her relationship with Sam). Yet I've been rather stuck on both of these projects pretty much since day one, so they're massively frustrating, and I don't really see a way forward, except to continue the same, excruciatingly slow and frustrating way I've been going so far. Promoting them to "main project" seems useless - it wouldn't speed them up at all, I think.

Then there's the Sandman crossover, whose very solid and promising beginning was conceived in an amazingly productive couple of weeks in 2008, and has been completely stalled since then. In many ways I think this would be the best to promote, because I think there's a chance that - once I've reread the comic, and done a bit of thinking and planning - this may progress relatively smoothly. And the point of having a main project in the first place is still to reduce my list of WiPs. So this might be the most likely to do that.

But then, there's also the fact that my 2.08 survival epic has been on my mind a lot recently, and I've begun research for that again, and am in e-mail conversations about it with a few people, too. I'm wary of promoting that to main project, though, because not only will it have to be at least novella-length - which is scary in its own right - but it also seems nearly impossible to accomplish in a variety of ways. Making that my main writing project seems like an exercise in self-destruction, or in futility.

I'd also like to promote at least one of the back burner WiPs back to "active" status, once Back... is out of the queue. Possibly the only one that involves Methos, because that is literally my only HL project at the moment; and also, I think it has the potential to be really, really great.

Or I could promote two of the back burner projects, and actually make one of them my main project.

Oh, choices. Why so difficult?
hmpf: Me painted blue (fanatic)
... while surfing the jewellery web in the last couple of weeks or so:

- Every good idea I've had, someone else has had, too.
- The same goes for every bad idea.
- Most jewellery out there I find vaguely uninteresting.
- A fair percentage I find ugly and/or *profoundly* uninteresting.
- A small percentage I find intellectually/artistically interesting but otherwise unappealing.
- A very small percentage I actually like. This is mostly stuff that looks like something I have made, was planning to make, or might have thought of but haven't yet.
- Even some of the stuff I like I find vaguely 'boring' - because it, too, has been done before/is being done all over the place.
- So far I haven't discovered anything that gives me the kind of feeling of desperate inadequacy that the best writing I read gives me. When reading, I often get a painful reaction of "I wish I'd written that/I'll never be able to write like that." Not so with jewellery, even though I am *not* a technically very accomplished goldsmith, thanks to lack of practice and experience.

So, to sum it up:

1.) Originality probably doesn't exist - or if it exists, is such a rare stroke of luck that putting it at the top of your priorities is a recipe for making yourself unhappy.
2.) My ideas are neither better nor worse than those of most other goldsmiths out there.
3.) When it comes to jewellery, I may actually value useability and aesthetic pleasure slightly higher than originality and artistic value.
4.) I think I can actually live with being average, in this area of my life. I have absolutely none of the (unhealthy?) ambition here that I have when writing.

Also:

If I'm completely honest with myself... I don't think I care about university half as much as I care about goldsmithing. Considering I've almost completely abandoned goldsmithing in the last few years, (at least nominally) for the sake of university, that is an alarming thing to realise. (I already knew that I cared about writing far more than I cared about uni, which is also alarming.)

One conclusion to draw from this that I should abandon any idea I still have of doing a Ph.D.

The other conclusion is that I need to find a way to integrate goldsmithing into my life again, and to keep it a part of my life - as I need to keep writing a part of my life; both of which may be difficult or even impossible to accomplish, considering I also need to start earning money reliably and in sufficient amounts very soon now.
hmpf: Cole and Ramse from the show not actually called "Splinter" (Default)
That's not actually the word I'm looking for, but I can't think of a better expression right now, so it will have to do.

Anyway, I'm sure you all know what I mean. Many of you have been part of it, probably several times - like myself. It's fun, in an exhausting, and sometimes exasperating kind of way. Suddenly, fandom takes precedence over Real Life, with a vengeance. You're staying up all night surfing the net for news, any news, any little bit that one might have missed. Lurking at a dozen forums, trying to glean spoilers or other kinds of info, or read reactions to something one already knows. You're in a permanent state of nervous excitement. You can't eat or work properly... It's frelling annyoing, but my self-control just isn't strong enough to fight it. It's as if a part of my brain just... quits. (I'm glad not too many RL people are reading this blog... *g*)

First time it happened to me? The Lord of the Rings wait (especially for the first movie...) - Then the cancellation of Farscape - and now, ironically, Harry Potter, book five. Ironically, because I'm *still* not really a HP fan. I'm not even really sure I want to read the book. I'm a HP fan the way I was a HL fan - head over heels for one character, but kinda lukewarm about the rest of the universe. Sure, there's parts of the books I enjoy immensely, and aspects of the universe I find intriguing, but without Sirius (and, to a lesser degree, Remus), I wouldn't *dream* of, say, reading fan fiction about it. And I still hold that there are more impressive children's books out there, books that I wish had a fandom, because I'd really *love* to read fic about them. (I've recommended them many times already, but I just feel a need to plug Michael de Larrabeiti's 'Borribles' books again...)

Nevertheless, I've been behaving like a Potterhead for about a week now, and it has interfered majorly with my studies, and my sleeping habits, and a thousand other things. Not to mention that I've been depressed (to a not too devastating, but still noticeable degree) since I found out about The Death on wednesday. Did I mention that HP - of all fandoms! - has finally turned me into a slash reader?! How's that for irony... I blame it all on the great fics out there. I didn't *want* to read them, but they kept being recommended all over the place! There, now I feel better. Well, not really, but it's nice having someone to blame. I'm not so twisted yet as to blame J.K. Rowling for making the choices she did - these are *her* books! Better blame the slashers for adding so many layers and making those characters so real that I can't help but care deeply about them. *eg*

Maybe I should start sending feedback, so that they see the ship is still in demand? Hm... but I don't *need* another active fandom!

Ah, decisions, decisions... Why So Difficult?!?

July 2021

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