2 Observations
Nov. 13th, 2003 01:38 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hmpfThe internet is the ideal medium of communication for me because on the internet, it is not considered weird or wrong to talk about yourself. In Real Life, to initiate any kind of interhuman relationship you need to be the giving one – you need to ask questions, demonstrate that you're interested in a person, draw them out. I can't do that, never could. Instead, I have talked about myself all my life, and that is like sending a message in a bottle – you can only hope that someone is going to find it, some day, and reply to it.
On the internet, everyone is sending such messages in a bottle, all the time. Whether we're talking about our favourite show or book in a forum, or talking about our life in a livejournal, what we're really saying is 'this is me, see me, *like* me'. (This is not the only thing we're saying, but it's a crucial component.) On the internet, that is a perfectly normal way of initiating a relationship. (And no, I'm not talking about the man/woman kind of relationship here, but *every* kind of human relationship.)
I am not lonely in Real Life, not really. At home, I have my circle of friends, some of them long-time friends I know from my school days, some of them 'newer' (most of those are fannish friends). However, my circle in Germany was partly the result of living in the same city for 26 years of my life, and partly a side effect of my fandom activities. Here, in a new city, I am thrown back onto the dire truth of my basic inability to communicate like a normal person, with the result that after more than two months here, I hardly know anybody, and those few that I do know only cursorily. And I don't really see a way to change it.
So, it seems I did not really learn. I just got lucky. But I don't have the time to get lucky here. Luck takes time, you have to wait years for it.
So, what do I do? Any advice? But, I'm on the internet here. Many of you probably have exactly the same problem... ;-)
In other news, I've seen the Matrix: Revolutions now. It was pretty much as I expected. Well, what do I think of it? I think this movie teaches us a lesson, which is: 'don't overdose on anime and the Bible at the same time. It will make you make stupid movies.'
Well, that was a bit harsh. Actually it wasn't that bad. It just wasn't good, either. It was pretty blah. The CG was amazing, but it's a sad thing if that is the best you can say about a movie.
Now let's talk for a bit about one thing that really fascinates me about the Matrix movies. It's not really addressed in the movies; rather, it's something *I* am bringing to the movies when I watch them, a preoccupation of mine that I project onto it. It's this: all these people like Neo, Trinity, Morpheus, all the Matrix-born ones who come into the Real World. Mustn't they walk around with a permanent 'this blows my mind!' feeling, a permanent feeling of surreality in the 'Real World'? And what would it be like, to have to reconcile an identity built in what is essentially our time, the late 20th/early 21st century, with the incredibly severe life of the 'Real World'? How would that colour the way you experience life?
One of the things I love about Farscape is that it actually *goes there*, it goes where the Matrix does not go. It shows us the disorientation that the loss of the familiar coordinates of your self-image causes. In a way, Farscape is all about questions of self, of identity. It is no coincidence that John's psyche is so often invaded. The show is about what happens if you are cast adrift, not just in a literal, but even more so in a psychological sense.
On the internet, everyone is sending such messages in a bottle, all the time. Whether we're talking about our favourite show or book in a forum, or talking about our life in a livejournal, what we're really saying is 'this is me, see me, *like* me'. (This is not the only thing we're saying, but it's a crucial component.) On the internet, that is a perfectly normal way of initiating a relationship. (And no, I'm not talking about the man/woman kind of relationship here, but *every* kind of human relationship.)
I am not lonely in Real Life, not really. At home, I have my circle of friends, some of them long-time friends I know from my school days, some of them 'newer' (most of those are fannish friends). However, my circle in Germany was partly the result of living in the same city for 26 years of my life, and partly a side effect of my fandom activities. Here, in a new city, I am thrown back onto the dire truth of my basic inability to communicate like a normal person, with the result that after more than two months here, I hardly know anybody, and those few that I do know only cursorily. And I don't really see a way to change it.
So, it seems I did not really learn. I just got lucky. But I don't have the time to get lucky here. Luck takes time, you have to wait years for it.
So, what do I do? Any advice? But, I'm on the internet here. Many of you probably have exactly the same problem... ;-)
In other news, I've seen the Matrix: Revolutions now. It was pretty much as I expected. Well, what do I think of it? I think this movie teaches us a lesson, which is: 'don't overdose on anime and the Bible at the same time. It will make you make stupid movies.'
Well, that was a bit harsh. Actually it wasn't that bad. It just wasn't good, either. It was pretty blah. The CG was amazing, but it's a sad thing if that is the best you can say about a movie.
Now let's talk for a bit about one thing that really fascinates me about the Matrix movies. It's not really addressed in the movies; rather, it's something *I* am bringing to the movies when I watch them, a preoccupation of mine that I project onto it. It's this: all these people like Neo, Trinity, Morpheus, all the Matrix-born ones who come into the Real World. Mustn't they walk around with a permanent 'this blows my mind!' feeling, a permanent feeling of surreality in the 'Real World'? And what would it be like, to have to reconcile an identity built in what is essentially our time, the late 20th/early 21st century, with the incredibly severe life of the 'Real World'? How would that colour the way you experience life?
One of the things I love about Farscape is that it actually *goes there*, it goes where the Matrix does not go. It shows us the disorientation that the loss of the familiar coordinates of your self-image causes. In a way, Farscape is all about questions of self, of identity. It is no coincidence that John's psyche is so often invaded. The show is about what happens if you are cast adrift, not just in a literal, but even more so in a psychological sense.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2003-11-12 05:37 pm (UTC)I think you're right about the 'see me' aspect of online life. It's, in a way, a more realistic version of communication, b/c isn't that what we do in RL as well (or try to do with certain cosmetic changes like trying to let the other person talk as well?) But, online narcissism is a performance. We pick and choose much more carefully than in RL what we share (for one, we can more easily have complete control over all that is revealed about us, whereas in RL people will know things about you that you may not want to reveal). Also, I think the caring part does occur on LJ in the form of comments. You show that you care by letting others know you read, by listening and answering. The specifics are slightly different, but the underlying dynamic is the same, I think.
My second thought is actually not mine but that of someone on my flist who recently moved and got me thinking about this. I don't *like* most people in my town. Online, I can handpick people like me, people I like, people with whom I have things in common. Our childhood friends are different, but after that, making friends is hard...and we get more selective. And why work at meeting some asshole or bitch when you know there are people out there (whose only drawback is their geographical non-proximity) who are so much nicer/more interesting/more fun... In other words, maybe the net spoiled us!!!
Isn't ist a "normal" way
Date: 2003-11-12 10:33 pm (UTC)(that's a very difficult subject to write about it in English... :o( )
I can only speak for myself and most of the people I like and about whom I talk as 'friends' share my interests. Horses, riding, fandom... never the ones I work with. Or family (those are... kind of inescapable *g*.
It doesn't matter if I meet people first in the Intenet or in RL. It only matters I have something to talk about.
Sis, don't think, talking about horses, riding and that stuff is more "normal" to most people as fandom. *bg* I'm a lifelong freak. Always been someone, with whom most "quiet normal" guys were irritated just when I started talking ('uhhhh there are horses coming on thread!') *g* And now it is horses AND fandom...
Weird, eh? ;o)
Sorry, meine Antwort kommt wieder auf Deutsch.
Date: 2003-11-13 03:11 am (UTC)Aber zurück zum Thema.
Ich denke es ist so wie Dashan es schon geschrieben hat, die meisten Freundschaften im Leben haben irgend ein gemeinsames Interesse als Grundlage. Egal ob das nun ein Fandom, Pferde oder Hunde sind. ;-) Und wenn dieses gemeinsame Interesse einmal wegfällt kommt es doch recht häufig vor, dass auch die Freundschaft ein wenig im Sande verläuft, man sich zwar immer noch sehr mag, aber längst nicht mehr so viel Zeit gemeinsam verbringt wie früher. Beziehungen sind immer etwas sehr dynamisches. Etwas was mir früher unglaublich Angst gemacht hat, denn es steckt so viel Ungewißheit darin.
Es ist lustig, ich habe eigentlich nie das Gefühl gehabt, dass Du zu viel von Dir erzählst anstatt zuzuhören, Hmpf. Vielleicht liegt es daran, dass wir gemeinsame Interessen teilen? Auf jeden Fall fand ich immer, dass Du durchaus sehr gut zuhören kannst.
Aber ein Blick auf das Internet und die Dinge die Du dort schreibst und man merkt auch sehr deutlich, wie absolut wohl Du Dich mit dieser Kommunikationsform fühlst. :-) Im Gegensatz zu all den Unkenrufen darüber, wie sehr der Computer einen doch in die Vereinsamung treibt, bietet das Internet doch unglaubliche Möglichkeiten. Es wird einfach viel, viel leichter Menschen mit gleichen Interessen kennen zu lernen.
[quote]On the internet, everyone is sending such messages in a bottle, all the time. Whether we're talking about our favourite show or book in a forum, or talking about our life in a livejournal, what we're really saying is 'this is me, see me, *like* me'.[/quote]
Das stimmt schon, aber ich denke es fällt am Ende doch eher wieder auf die Sache mit den ähnlichen Interessen, die meistens die Grundlage für eine Freundschaft bilden, zurück. Im Internet auf verschiedenen Foren oder in Mailinglisten trifft man nun einmal (anders als im RL)auf Menschen weltweit die ein Intesse teilen. Man hat eine viel leichtere, schon von vorne hinein bestehende Kommunikationsgrundlage, von der aus man dann natürlich auch einmal zu anderen Themen kommt, die nicht unbedingt mit diesem gemeinsamen Interesse verbunden sind.
Leider habe ich auch keinen brauchbaren RL Rat für Dich... vielleicht ist es wirklich eine Frage der Zeit.... 'You can't hurry love' ;-) So ist's zumindest bei mir.
Ach ja noch zu Matrix, den ich auch am Dienstag gesehen habe:
[quote]I think this movie teaches us a lesson, which is: 'don't overdose on anime and the Bible at the same time. It will make you make stupid movies.'
Well, that was a bit harsh. Actually it wasn't that bad. It just wasn't good, either. It was pretty blah. The CG was amazing, but it's a sad thing if that is the best you can say about a movie.[/quote]
Ich hätte es nicht besser sagen können! :-)
AnduraNova
Re: Sorry, meine Antwort kommt wieder auf Deutsch.
Date: 2003-11-20 04:15 am (UTC)Ich denke, dass AnduraNova in einem Punkt ganz besonders Recht hat: Das Internet erweitert einfach den Kreis der Leute, die man kennen lernen kann. Man findet schneller Leute mit gleichen Interessen, nimmt Kontakt mit ihnen auf und kann das vertiefen.
Was mE auch noch hinzukommt, ist, dass das Internet eine Möglichkeit bietet, sich sicherer an jemanden heranzutasten. Man liest die eine oder andere Meinung, sieht ein paar Interessen oder den Stil, wie sich diese andere Person darstellt. Und bei der ersten Kontaktaufnahme kann man sich besser "verstecken". Ein kritischer Blick (oder als solcher interpretierter) kann nicht schon die Kontaktaufnahme von Anfang an im Keim ersticken. Ich denke, dass das auch ein Vorteil des Internets ist. Im RealLife siehst du Menschen z. B. an der Uni, von denen du nichts weißt. Die einzige Möglichkeit, sie einzuschätzen, ist sie anhand ihres Aussehens und Auftretens zu be- (bzw. ver-?)urteilen. Sich langsam an sie heranzutasten kann man mE meistens auch nur, wenn sich Gelegenheiten dafür bieten.
Mein Tipp?!? Hmmm...offen bleiben. Mehr fällt mir leider nicht ein, weil sich bei mir Freundschaften sehr, sehr unterschiedlich entwickelt haben und ich keine "Patentanschleichmethode" weiß.