Short RL update
Jun. 14th, 2011 05:58 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hmpfBasically, overwhelmed on all fronts.
People all around me, operating on an assumption of competence, seem to expect that will change - not so much because the pressure will decrease but rather because I will somehow magically "grow up" and learn to cope with the accumulating pressures of real adult life - because that's what people, do, right? Competent people, anyway, and people still seem to assume I'm essentially competent.
The fault with that line of reasoning, of course, lies in the fact that this is not the first time in my life I've completely failed to cope with intense pressure. Failure is my standard M.O. under pressure. I'm not a late developer who is now somehow faced with real pressure for the first time in her life, and will react with a spurt of personal growth. I've experienced intense pressure several times over the last few years, and I've *never* magically shaped up under it to heroically meet the demands made of me. Instead, I usually fail completely in several areas (sometimes people around me pick up the slack, saving my ass), and delivered a half-assed result in the area I deemed most important. That's the best I can do.
*This is me.*
[Edited and expanded for coherence.]
People all around me, operating on an assumption of competence, seem to expect that will change - not so much because the pressure will decrease but rather because I will somehow magically "grow up" and learn to cope with the accumulating pressures of real adult life - because that's what people, do, right? Competent people, anyway, and people still seem to assume I'm essentially competent.
The fault with that line of reasoning, of course, lies in the fact that this is not the first time in my life I've completely failed to cope with intense pressure. Failure is my standard M.O. under pressure. I'm not a late developer who is now somehow faced with real pressure for the first time in her life, and will react with a spurt of personal growth. I've experienced intense pressure several times over the last few years, and I've *never* magically shaped up under it to heroically meet the demands made of me. Instead, I usually fail completely in several areas (sometimes people around me pick up the slack, saving my ass), and delivered a half-assed result in the area I deemed most important. That's the best I can do.
*This is me.*
[Edited and expanded for coherence.]
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no subject
Date: 2011-06-14 05:53 pm (UTC)