I'm transitioning from A to B. I never did very well at being the "successful go-getter" anyway, mostly because I was miserable trying, but I kept at the grindstone because I internalized many social expectations: "someone smart, educated, privileged etc. etc. is supposed to find a good job, make decent money, buy a house, get married etc." So I'm casting those ideas off but it is like trying to hurl a thousand pound anchor off my back, they are so ingrained.
But I KNOW I'm not meant for that kind of life, aside from the fact that I've generally failed at it anyway. I'm getting divorced and focusing on my art (when I'm not dissolved in a puddle of tears from the stress) and looking for a low-stress "pay the bills" kind of job to cover me while I aspire to my dreams of living a creative life.
My life is incredibly difficult as I make this change, and I'm being battered by bad luck (cars breaking down, money woes, refrigerator problems...ack!) as well as progress (divorce, getting my own room with space to myself, going on a date, therapy).
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Re: Waffling
Date: 2010-03-22 09:58 pm (UTC)But I KNOW I'm not meant for that kind of life, aside from the fact that I've generally failed at it anyway. I'm getting divorced and focusing on my art (when I'm not dissolved in a puddle of tears from the stress) and looking for a low-stress "pay the bills" kind of job to cover me while I aspire to my dreams of living a creative life.
My life is incredibly difficult as I make this change, and I'm being battered by bad luck (cars breaking down, money woes, refrigerator problems...ack!) as well as progress (divorce, getting my own room with space to myself, going on a date, therapy).