I do not, really, hate myself.

[hmpf]

But I do hate my complete inability to get my life organised.

I probably shouldn't be whining about this in my LJ now, and instead *do* something. Something constructive. Like maybe get one of the several dozen things on my To Do List done, among them such crucial things as reacting to important events in some of my friends' personal lives (deaths and marriages) - I've been having some of those cards lying around for weeks, actually, and I am well aware that this marks me as a very, very bad friend. The odd thing is that I do care about these people, deeply. I just can't get something as simple as writing a card done. (I've always found writing cards extremely difficult, and it gets worse when I feel under pressure.)

I might also actually start to prepare for my exams (cause I just realised that I only have *one* week of holidays left, in effect, to do anything for them, as I will be away for a week, starting Monday, and again will be gone in the last week of the holidays. Those are two three-hour exams we're speaking about here. And I haven't done squat for them so far. Not to mention another 3000 word essay.

I might also write the dozen or so e-mails I should have written, in many cases, up to four months ago.

Or send that parcel that I haven't managed to send since October 2002.

Write the letter I didn't write in 2003.

Do something about my father's present for his 60th birthday, four weeks overdue.

Or, hell, *write*.

So why the hell do I still slack around here? Why the frell didn't I start working on all that stuff last week, when I was just hanging around? Well, I was doing so little last week because I felt I had deserved it after the essay hell of the last few weeks. But really, I could not afford taking that time out. And I *knew* that I couldn't. But I did.

In the same vein: why the frell didn't I get up earlier every day this week, instead of sleeping so long that I could only start job hunting around noon, which resulted in me only getting home in the late afternoon, thus robbing me of several hours every day when I might have done something constructive, as well? Yes, I have been doing a lot of job hunting, and that *is* constructive. But I could have done so much more, if I had organised my time better.

Why the frell am I so stupid?

Comments

Yay.

[hmpf.livejournal.com]

You know, in Germany everybody thinks students are universally lazy. I think they'd revise their opinion if they knew what British students cope with.

Good luck.