I guess I'm here (=dreamwidth) permanently now.

[hmpf]

LJ feels like a sinking ship, so, being the rat that I am, I suppose I should leave. (German proverb/saying: "The rats are leaving the sinking ship.")

Also, here's a question:

The last four months have been a resounding confirmation that I *can't* handle working life *and* a social life *and* the rest of my private life in parallel. I've been pretty much completely unable to communicate with anyone not directly work-related, and I've neglected everything else, too (including important things like completing all kinds of really urgent, important paperwork about my move, etc., as well as fun things like writing, knytting, or planning my holidays.)

Since this is unacceptable and even dangerous (I've ignored some incredibly important snail mail, among other things), it needs to change. So, the question is: Is there a method to increase your ability to handle several important things at once? I mean, short of taking some kind of drug?

Comments

[raine]

Unfortunately, there's no drug that I know of to increase your ability to handle multiple pressures. Even the most organized will tell you to make a list and start small. One of my former acquaintances posted lists on doorframes to help her figure out what needed to be done in each room each day, i.e.:
Kitchen - 1. take drugs in AM
2. eat cereal with milk after drugs
3. give cats food and water
4. resist temptation to read mail while eating

It was extreme, but it worked for her to make sure she didn't forget and panic that she'd missed something.

For me, I try to pay all my bills when I get paid, and have a system where if I put a bill I don't have set up to pay automatically every month in a certain place, then I have to deal with it by the time my next paycheck arrives. I also recognize what tasks I hate doing, and why I might avoid doing some other things (like clean the litterbox.) Doing so means that I force myself to make a habit of doing those items on a regular basis, so it's less of a chore when it comes time to do them.

I know of people who email themselves reminders to do stuff, because they're at work when they remember they have to pay a bill that's sitting at the bottom of the stairs or stuff like that.

Bottom line: come up with a system that works for you, and remember, you don't have to do everything at once or well.

((hugs))

[kimboo_york]

I think this is a wise and insightful reply; it's really about making small adjustments to our daily habits at a level that, while still uncomfortable, is manageable. Because life is, after all, mostly made up of a series of habits.

But more importantly I think the real issue is risk. Changing *anything* can be terrifying, if we are used to our routines and how we interact with others. In this case it's really a matter of "facing your fears" which is incredibly difficult, and I can attest to that. But no amount of external lists or reminders or internal guilt trips are going to effect change if you aren't willing to face down the scary part, which is change itself.

I wish I had a solution, but I have many of the same issues as you know. I still tend to fatally hibernate when things get complicated, and that's after years of fighting it. :(

See, part of the problem is that I *have* no routines.

[hmpf]

If I had routines, everything would be easier.

More on that tomorrow; too tired to post now.

Re: See, part of the problem is that I *have* no routines.

[kimboo_york]

Yes, you do, even if they are routines of thought patterns rather than actions. You may brush your teeth at a different time every day, or every other day, or randomly, but there is still a regular thought habit that corresponds to that, whether you see/understand it or not.

The key is not simply imposing new routines on old routines (or what you perceive as "no routines") but figuring out what your current routines are, then modifying them slowly. Perhaps you're hostile to the whole idea of routines; then simply acknowledging that you have routines/patterns you need to change may be a huge hurdle.