Clarity test
Jun. 25th, 2010 01:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hmpfOkay, tell me if this is clear enough.
(Ignore possibly wonky grammar and vocabulary for now; this was written fast, when I was tired and without a dictionary. It's lacking the fifty rounds of rewriting my writing usually goes through before any of it is exposed to public scrutiny. But I need to know whether one crucial point is understandable here.)
Important bit of context: there was some talk about growing vegetables in a nuclear fallout zone in the previous scene.
**
The awkwardness Sam sensed earlier is still between them when they go to bed. Sam lies watching the last light of the day fading on the walls for a very long time.
In the morning, Bowie is on the stereo, pre-74, no unexpected songs or absences. Sam wanders the rooms in his pyjamas; finds Annie in the garden. He watches her silently, all through [SONG TITLE 1] and halfway through [SONG TITLE 2]. She moves among the beds, picking off browning leaves, then pulls a bunch of radishes from the loamy ground. When she rights herself and turns, her level gaze tells him she was aware of him all along. She does not wish him a good morning. He, likewise, says nothing.
They eat the radishes with their breakfast, and Sam thinks about millirem.
"These are delicious, actually," he says.
Annie frowns, as if suspicious. It is true, though: they are.
***
Okay, question time: What is Sam referring to when he says "These...":
a) radishes, or
b) millirem?
(Ignore possibly wonky grammar and vocabulary for now; this was written fast, when I was tired and without a dictionary. It's lacking the fifty rounds of rewriting my writing usually goes through before any of it is exposed to public scrutiny. But I need to know whether one crucial point is understandable here.)
Important bit of context: there was some talk about growing vegetables in a nuclear fallout zone in the previous scene.
**
The awkwardness Sam sensed earlier is still between them when they go to bed. Sam lies watching the last light of the day fading on the walls for a very long time.
In the morning, Bowie is on the stereo, pre-74, no unexpected songs or absences. Sam wanders the rooms in his pyjamas; finds Annie in the garden. He watches her silently, all through [SONG TITLE 1] and halfway through [SONG TITLE 2]. She moves among the beds, picking off browning leaves, then pulls a bunch of radishes from the loamy ground. When she rights herself and turns, her level gaze tells him she was aware of him all along. She does not wish him a good morning. He, likewise, says nothing.
They eat the radishes with their breakfast, and Sam thinks about millirem.
"These are delicious, actually," he says.
Annie frowns, as if suspicious. It is true, though: they are.
***
Okay, question time: What is Sam referring to when he says "These...":
a) radishes, or
b) millirem?
