The guilt thing
Jun. 12th, 2010 10:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hmpfThe awful thing about me and stressful times is that when I'm stressed, and reach a point of exhaustion that causes me to, basically, be unable to do anything 'useful' anymore ('useful things' also include mailing or calling friends, doing things that help maintain fannish infrastructure, etc.) I feel so damn *guilty* I can barely relax.
Take today: After a week in overdrive, I came home today, in the early afternoon, from a meeting of one of the group projects for my uni course (four group projects are sort of culminating this week and the next, resulting in a downright insane workload), and just sort of collapsed into bed. Slep for a couple of hours, or half-slept - and felt guilty all the way through. Because, well, if I'm not working on uni stuff, or job applications, why am I not using the time to, y'know, do all the other important things in my life that I keep claiming I *like* doing?
Shouldn't it be relaxing and pleasant enough to call a friend, write a couple of mails to people I truly and honestly miss, spend a couple of hours working on jewellery, or doing my job at The Collators' Den? These are all things I really care about. Why can't I do them when I need to relax? -- That's the question that keeps going round my mind, and makes me feel guilty. Guilty because I'm letting other people down, but also because I'm letting myself down. Because not doing things you love, not keeping in contact with people you love, that's letting yourself down, too.
Take today: After a week in overdrive, I came home today, in the early afternoon, from a meeting of one of the group projects for my uni course (four group projects are sort of culminating this week and the next, resulting in a downright insane workload), and just sort of collapsed into bed. Slep for a couple of hours, or half-slept - and felt guilty all the way through. Because, well, if I'm not working on uni stuff, or job applications, why am I not using the time to, y'know, do all the other important things in my life that I keep claiming I *like* doing?
Shouldn't it be relaxing and pleasant enough to call a friend, write a couple of mails to people I truly and honestly miss, spend a couple of hours working on jewellery, or doing my job at The Collators' Den? These are all things I really care about. Why can't I do them when I need to relax? -- That's the question that keeps going round my mind, and makes me feel guilty. Guilty because I'm letting other people down, but also because I'm letting myself down. Because not doing things you love, not keeping in contact with people you love, that's letting yourself down, too.
