Germany

Sometimes it strikes me how strange (and kind of horrible, if you think about it too much) it is to live in Germany. Every day, no matter where you go, you come across reminders of mass murder. You get so used to it. Somehow, living in this very idyllic small town which wasn't rebuilt from the ground up after the war throws it all into even sharper relief.

Corollary:

Never knowing with absolute certainty how monstrous your grandparents may have been. (Two of them are still alive. How can I possibly ask them.)

[Thought inspired by: http://www.sueddeutsche.de/kultur/ns-zeit-verbrechen-waren-bekannt-aus-den-graeben-kamen-schreie-1.1108170 - not that there's anything new or surprising in there.]

Short RL update

Basically, overwhelmed on all fronts.

People all around me, operating on an assumption of competence, seem to expect that will change - not so much because the pressure will decrease but rather because I will somehow magically "grow up" and learn to cope with the accumulating pressures of real adult life - because that's what people, do, right? Competent people, anyway, and people still seem to assume I'm essentially competent.

The fault with that line of reasoning, of course, lies in the fact that this is not the first time in my life I've completely failed to cope with intense pressure. Failure is my standard M.O. under pressure. I'm not a late developer who is now somehow faced with real pressure for the first time in her life, and will react with a spurt of personal growth. I've experienced intense pressure several times over the last few years, and I've *never* magically shaped up under it to heroically meet the demands made of me. Instead, I usually fail completely in several areas (sometimes people around me pick up the slack, saving my ass), and delivered a half-assed result in the area I deemed most important. That's the best I can do.

*This is me.*


[Edited and expanded for coherence.]

Yay! Burst pipe!

Now I have no water. Not for the toilet, not for washing my hands, not for brushing my teeth, not for doing the dishes... I have no clean pots at the moment, so I can't cook anything tonight either. (I would have had to do the dishes first.)

I got a bucketful of water from my neighbours, of course. For the night. But, I'm kinda not too keen on washing my hands with that water, as I usually use that bucket for cleaning the floors etc. I don't quite believe in the sanitariness of that bucket. And I certainly won't brush my teeth with that water.

Oh Real Life. You just don't know when to stop, do you?

Seriously thinking about...

going into town for dinner, and taking my toothbrush so I can go and brush my teeth at the office after dinner. lol