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my computer had to die. Of course.
This is the second one this year. Damn.
Hope the hard drive's still okay...
***
Also, I'm failing hard, at work.
I freely admit I'm not the most reliable, best-organised person even under the best conditions - but at the moment it's like my brain's trying to simulate the experience of being 85 years old. Today, for instance, I forgot to bring my laptop (which was needed for a student's presentation); forgot to bring any writing implement at all; prepared the wrong text; forgot my money (and only noticed when I wanted to pay for the food I'd just consumed at a café - thankfully I'm a regular so they were okay with me paying later). All of this would be bad enough, but to top it off, I started off the week by forgetting an important appointment, effectively leaving my boss to pick up my slack. NOT GOOD.
Last week and the week before that looked similar, too.
Perfect way to start a new job. Somehow I'm already pretty sure my contract won't be renewed...
(I'm also a spectacularly crappy teacher - mainly because I can't talk freely about texts without being very, very, very, very, very, very, very well prepared. You need to be capable of a certain amount of improvisation in this job... or be very, very, very, very, very, very, very well prepared at all times - which so far I haven't managed to be, because preparing for my class is far from the only thing I need to do at the moment. There aren't enough hours in the day. Any day. There's barely enough time to sleep, and eating has turned into something I do every other day or so.
What scares me in particular is this kind of assumption which I've encountered a few times now that talking about academic subjects freely, engagingly, off the cuff, and at length, is just natural for anyone working in this field. Uhm, no. This is something I have to learn, rather. And I'm not sure how to go about that.)
Do I need to mention that I haven't found more than five minutes to think about my Ph.D. thesis yet?
This is the second one this year. Damn.
Hope the hard drive's still okay...
***
Also, I'm failing hard, at work.
I freely admit I'm not the most reliable, best-organised person even under the best conditions - but at the moment it's like my brain's trying to simulate the experience of being 85 years old. Today, for instance, I forgot to bring my laptop (which was needed for a student's presentation); forgot to bring any writing implement at all; prepared the wrong text; forgot my money (and only noticed when I wanted to pay for the food I'd just consumed at a café - thankfully I'm a regular so they were okay with me paying later). All of this would be bad enough, but to top it off, I started off the week by forgetting an important appointment, effectively leaving my boss to pick up my slack. NOT GOOD.
Last week and the week before that looked similar, too.
Perfect way to start a new job. Somehow I'm already pretty sure my contract won't be renewed...
(I'm also a spectacularly crappy teacher - mainly because I can't talk freely about texts without being very, very, very, very, very, very, very well prepared. You need to be capable of a certain amount of improvisation in this job... or be very, very, very, very, very, very, very well prepared at all times - which so far I haven't managed to be, because preparing for my class is far from the only thing I need to do at the moment. There aren't enough hours in the day. Any day. There's barely enough time to sleep, and eating has turned into something I do every other day or so.
What scares me in particular is this kind of assumption which I've encountered a few times now that talking about academic subjects freely, engagingly, off the cuff, and at length, is just natural for anyone working in this field. Uhm, no. This is something I have to learn, rather. And I'm not sure how to go about that.)
Do I need to mention that I haven't found more than five minutes to think about my Ph.D. thesis yet?
