Okay, so I broke down and wrote.

[hmpf]

I shouldn't have, I didn't (don't) have the time, I should have been working on my bibliography, but I couldn't help it.

Removed about seventy words from the ficlet for space_oddity_75 and added maybe a hundred. The total length is 394 words now. The fic's probably not all that far from being finished - maybe another 200 words plus, of course, extensive editing/rewriting. Two months, maybe? It's hard to tell.

I am *indecently* pleased with what I've written. It came totally out of left field; one moment I had no clue what the last part of the ficlet would be about, and the next moment, it was there, if only in the sketchiest of terms. I was fully expecting to be stuck there again for another couple of weeks or so, but for some reason my brain was ready to do the "refining" (of sketchy, cliché, boring language into something a little more interesting) right away. So I ended up with two more than decent paragraphs in about half an hour. Go me!

(Short paragraphs, of course. What did you think? *g*)

Reading those two paragraphs I also noticed, not for the first time, how much my command of the language has improved. I simply wouldn't have been *able* to move that far from the 'prescribed' use of English seven years ago. I used to feel that my inability to use language a bit more creatively was due to lack of talent, but I'm beginning to see that it was at least in part simply lack of practice.

So... then I reread what I have so far of the Massive Angst Overdose Epic (that's the one that's also the cause of my forthcoming Angst Meta to End All Angst Meta) and was not entirely surprised to find that I still love the part about Maya. Like, seriously love. I love it so much I've been close to posting it here at least twice.

It's not quite healthy, this extreme love of my own writing. I'm not all that great, realistically speaking. Yet I can't help it, reading the better parts of my own writing gives me major warm fuzzy feelings, and I'm all "wow, I wrote that?!"

(See, folks? This is why I don't really need feedback. I'm pretty good with the self-love. *g*)

As I said: it's ridiculous, really. Compared to the really good writers, in this fandom or any, I'm... well, not quite a beginner anymore, but hardly better than average.

Oh well. I guess it's better to be a bit too much in love with your own writing than it would be to hate everything you've written. (Been there, done that, actually. Years ago. I was pretty serious about never trying to write again at sixteen.) At least it's less stressful and frustrating. Of course, writing is still frustrating, but my frustrations tend to be of the "dammit, what's happening next?" type, not the "why am I so crap?" type.

I think I'm going to take my laptop to work tomorrow, and try to write a bit there. I've got eight hours - it should be possible to spend some of that time catching up with LJ, and some doing some writing.

Comments

[space-oddity-75.livejournal.com]

I'm so flattered that you're putting so much effort in writing a fic for me!!! ♥ Given the superb quality of your work, I'm sure I will love it to bits. I don't care how long it takes, seriously. Just as long as you don't get too stressed out over it and don't neglect your uni work because of it, alright?

As far as your command of the English language goes, rest assured that, if you took the Proficiency (CPE) exam now, you would put many native speakers to shame. Why don't you try to give it a go when you've finished your uni work? As I told you, if you know what to expect from it, it's not a difficult exam at all, and I can realistically tell you that you've got the potential to score very high. :)

Re: Massive Angst Overdose Epic, etc.
You know, I was thinking about you last night, my dear kink-twin. While I was dusting off some old books that I wanted to re-read, I found an interesting novel called 'Where is the Mango Princess?' (yeah, stupid original title, but the plot is interesting) by American writer Cathy Crimmins. Based on the true story of her family, it deals with the aftermath of the traumatic event (a boat accident) that caused her husband to be seriously brain damaged, explaining how the whole family learned to cope with his conditions, both from the physical and psychological point of view, and eventually understood that he couldn't go back to be the same man he was before the accident, but rather had to find a new balance based on his new conditions and personality, and they had to re-build their relationship with him practically from scratch. As far as I remember, it was a good book.
I plan to re-read it in the next few weeks and jot down some useful ideas for my angsty & brain-damaged!Sam fic. Of course, I'll share all this info with you, so that one day we can happily resume our kinky, Sam-whumping discussions with more food for thought! *g*

Actually, the Massive Angst Overdose Epic is less about brain damage.

[hmpf.livejournal.com]

The Maya/Sam AU is the brain damage fic (and it's minor brain damage at that). The Massive Angst Overdose Epic is more about the physical Sam-whumping. (Heh. With friends like us, who needs enemies? But, as I keep telling myself when I'm racked with guilt: it's *he* who bloody jumped! *g*) There may or may not also be some brain thing going on in it, but probably not too much of that. I need him capable of coping, mentally.

And that book you mention sounds like I should read it, too. (On the other hand, maybe not - I've read a massive amount of online stuff by now, including first-hand accounts, and I'm not sure that reading a literary treatment wouldn't be detrimental in fact - it might influence the fic in ways I'm not sure I want... I dunno.)

Will definitely try the CPE, rest assured! I've got little enough impressive stuff to put on my CV...

Also, stop flattering me, woman! If I make a post that's all about how great I think I am you're supposed to take me down a peg, not continue to inflate my ego! *g*

Re: Actually, the Massive Angst Overdose Epic is less about brain damage.

[space-oddity-75.livejournal.com]

The Maya/Sam AU is the brain damage fic (and it's minor brain damage at that). The Massive Angst Overdose Epic is more about the physical Sam-whumping.

Damn, I'll have to start writing down all your fic 'nicknames', so as not to get confused again in the future (hehehe)! ;)


Also, stop flattering me, woman! If I make a post that's all about how great I think I am you're supposed to take me down a peg, not continue to inflate my ego!

Hey, it's all your fault, after all! If you weren't so good, I'd never spend months drooling over the keyboard, just waiting to read your fabulously angsty stuff! :)

Re: Actually, the Massive Angst Overdose Epic is less about brain damage.

[hmpf.livejournal.com]

>Damn, I'll have to start writing down all your fic 'nicknames', so as not to get confused again in the future (hehehe)! ;)

It would probably help if I just talked about them by their titles. *g* But I always think something like "Massive Angst Overdose Epic" gives people who aren't living in my head a better idea what I'm occupied with than a title like Miracle. (That's what it's called, for the record.) The brain damage fic is called Möglichkeitssinn and used to be called Moving On. The one I'm writing for you is called How to Love a Madman. The World War Three one is called Back to the Future (the Long Way Round). And the Sandman crossover is called Borderlands, somewhat tentatively. Oh, and I forgot the ancient, half-forgotten zombie!Sam WiP (first fic I started in this fandom, sometime in March 2006!) - that one is called Round the Bend in Eighty Days, also tentatively. (All of these are working titles, of course, and may change as the fics evolve, or when I manage to think of better titles.)

Eeeek. Too many WiPs!

[space-oddity-75.livejournal.com]

Hey, these are great titles you've chosen! I'd better write them down, so that I can remember which is which. :)


My Sam/Annie-in-2006 fic is called A Life less Ordinary; the one in which Sam's brain starts to shut down and forgets the details of 1973 it has made up is called Fade to Black; the one with Gene's last day in Manchester before leaving for London is Waiting for Sunrise (yup, I wrote a Gene-centric fic. What a shock, eh? Since I've never written Gene before, I decided to give it a go in order to challenge myself).

The fic in which Old Sam switches off Young Sam's hospital machines for revenge, the one with the brain damage and the one with Sam in a wheelchair don't have a title yet (and neither have the other pieces of ficlets I've jotted down so far and that will probably be either deleted or merged into other existing ones).

See? I have too many WiPs, as well!!!

We do need that mutual bunny feeding session soon.

[hmpf.livejournal.com]

Need to fatten a few of those up. I want them ready for roasting!

Also, I have research links for you that you may be interested in, for realistic Sam-whumping.