Keeping some kind of record of my emotional state after my second big fandom catastrophe...

[hmpf]

Still pissed at LOM. Fighting hard to keep at least some of my love for the show alive by furiously writing fix-it fic. Which, amazingly, is going very well - it's like my frustration's a speed booster for my writing. I suppose a need to 'fix' something always has been one of the strongest motivations for writing fanfic. (I'm writing a very bitter Maya right now; seems all my bitterness has ended up in her. Which kind of makes sense, because she's always been the character through whom I channel my emotions for Sam, only earlier, it used to be all kinds of tenderness.)

Maybe I'm going to end up writing *all* the alternative non-stupid endings I can think of... *g* LOM still makes marvellous fic material, and I can probably learn to love my own versions of it. I've moved permanently to alternate realities in other fandoms... (Heh... all I need to do is jump from the canon building, and I'll be in my preferred version of fanon... forever...) It's just such a shame I can't love the original, at the moment. Nor any fic which affirms the ending, which basically makes 99% of all fic written post 2.08 unreadable for me.

I'm waiting eagerly for more fic from the disappointed minority. *g*

Going to the ep 8 thread at the RA still pisses me off, although I know it's unfair and stupid and arrogant of me to get angry at people for enjoying the ending. And since I'm wise enouogh to know that it's unfair, stupid and arrogant of me, I'm trying to keep my interaction with the RA to a minimum, for the time being. (Can't *quite* keep away from it; the obsession's still alive, even if the love isn't.)

Probably that's also good for my fanfic, as I now channel nearly all of my remaining obsession into that.

Sadly, I'm actually dreading rewatching *any* of the episodes now, because so much that I thought poignant before I knew the ending is now so meaningless and cheap. Also, I miss my burning Sam Tyler love.

**

For anyone new here who may not know what my first big fandom catastrophe was: the cancellation of Farscape in 2002. That hurt like hell; but at least that show didn't essentially kill itself.

Comments

[pink-bagels.livejournal.com]

I feel your pain. Though I try to be a naysayer, I keep feeling like I'm in a highly unwelcome minority for pointing out what I believe are huge flaws in the show's ending. I've rewatched it a few times, and I still hate it, in fact more than ever.

People looking for harlequin romance endings got what they wanted, and sadly those of us who genuinely love good sci-fi and horror are kind of left out in the cold--Which is odd, because I think it is the latter that the show actually *is*. I'm still trying to figure out why the pre-screening of the episode by journalists were cheering when Sam jumped off the edge of the building. I was just stunned by it, and I genuinely *hated* Sam at this point. I couldn't stop thinking of how rotten and selfish he was to abandon his life like this after he'd suffered so long to get back 'home'. I needed a better resolution than him offing himself and destroying the people he supposedly loved in 2007. Which now that I think of it, makes me hate Sam even more. He was worried sick about leaving his make-believe buddies behind in a tragic shoot-out, but he doesn't care a thing about leaving his mother an emotional mess from his suicide. What a jerk :(

Gah, every time I think of that ending, I have new reasons to hate Sam. I cried all right...For every coherent, non fanbrat servicing, give 'em what they want television scriptwriter out there. That's one hell of a hollow tunnel.

Not that I'm bitter or feeling angry and cranky or anything :P.

Cheering journalists

[hmpf.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that mystifies me, too.

Also, I totally understand your feelings about Sam. I can't say I *hate* him, exactly, but I've gone off him in a big way. So, so sad. Liking him was nice. Now I have to reinvent him before I can like him again. :-(

Re: Cheering journalists

[pink-bagels.livejournal.com]

Btw, if you want to ask me questions about working in a long term care facility, you can direct all of them to this email: lavenderonion@yahoo.com

:D

E-mail

[hmpf.livejournal.com]

What is it with you and bizarrely coloured foodstuffs? ;-)

Will e-mail you when I've collected my first batch of questions. The main question's really: Got any experience with patients in a persistent vegetative state?

I basically need to know what a typical day would look like in the 'waking-up phase' of one such making an unlikely recovery. I.e. typical nursing routines, types and frequency of therapy (once he's properly awake... well, actually, he'd probably be transferred to a specialised rehab facility pretty soon for that, wouldn't he?) etc. Loads of little details. Also, would there be a prognosis at some point or would they adopt more of a 'wait and see' approach due to the unpredictability of brain injury recovery?

So many questions... these are really just the tip of the iceberg.

Not sure how many of those questions you can answer; it really all depends on the first, doesn't it?

Re: E-mail

[pink-bagels.livejournal.com]

Actually, I have first hand experience with people in persistent vegetative states due to acquired brain injuries--there have been a few elderly people in the facility who have atrophied to the point of having little else other than eye-movements, and some whose consciousness is debatable. We do have a man in his mid-thirties who, while not in a true vegetative state, has what we call 'automatic movements'--ie: constant tics of him touching his head, swinging his legs, and no real consciousness that can be discerned due to the amount of brain damage he has suffered.

You're my perfect source of information!

[hmpf.livejournal.com]

Will e-mail soon. May take a day or two, as I need to devote a bit of time to Real Life now...