In lieu of a 'real' update...
May. 25th, 2006 06:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hmpfI'm male. At least according to this quiz:
(from![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
scottishlass)
Is it just me, or does the first sentence of that explanation not make any sense?
Soooo... in the last couple of months I've found out on the internet that...
- I'm male. (Heh. That would explain my recent computer building exploits. *g*)
- I have autistic tendencies. (No kidding now: this would explain most of my childhood, really.)
- I may be asexual.
- I have a problem that seems like a very light form of prosopagnosia (inability to recognize people's faces). Only, apparently a light form of prosopagnosia does not technically exist, at least not according to the information available on the internet... Still, I have never met anybody who reported even remotely the level of difficulties that I have with recognizing people, so I think I *may* not be quite within the normal, 'healthy' range of natural variation there, even if there is no medical term for my exact problem.
In conclusion: I'm a freak, in more ways than one! *g*
Well, of course, internet quizzes and articles or pages on the net that give me a vague 'me too!' feeling aren't exactly incontrovertible evidence. And, frankly, I don't think I'm particularly extreme in any of these respects, even if any of them *should* be provable. I'm not *that* much of a 'freak' - I just have some more or less unusual mental 'features'/deficits. There's probably a wide range of variation for any of these traits among the general population, with most people somewhere in the middle of the scale, whereas I may be slightly off-centre, and perhaps in some cases somewhat closer to one of the extremes than to the centre. Nothing particularly dramatic, really. I do think, however, that these perceived tendencies really do exist in my psychological makeup, and it's kind of interesting how well they fit together. I also think it's interesting that there seems to be a tendency to explain them as *mostly* 'hardwired', or at least acquired so early in life that they may as well be.
So, why am I so eager to find mental deficiencies that I may have? Well, I'm not, not really; I just happened to come across a lot of similarly themed articles recently - synchronicity works in mysterious ways! - and in too many of them I recognised a part of myself. And, well, I just like the idea that parts of my *brain* simply work a bit 'unconventionally' ;-) better than the idea that I'm somehow *psychologically* screwed up in so many ways. E.g., my mom's favourite explanation for my problem with recognizing people used to be that I just didn't pay enough attention to people, that I needed to look at them properly, etc. This made me feel like I was doing something wrong, that I was somehow to *blame* for not recognizing Mrs. X from across the street when I didn't see her in a familiar context. Cue guilty feelings, angsty soul-searching etc. Similar examples (not necessarily involving my mom, as she's not usually this big on guilt-tripping me) could be made for the other 'abnormalities' mentioned above. For more than a decade of my life I've had friends, fellow students, teachers, family members psychoanalyzing me; people always, I think, perceived something slightly 'wrong' about me, and tried to 'fix' me. But maybe there is nothing that needs fixing there. Maybe I just *am* that way.
Or is that just laziness and denial speaking? I really don't think so, but then, psychoanalysis teaches us never to trust our subconscious, so what do I know... *g*
Welllllll... back to Norbert Elias now, whom I've been trying to avoid by typing this...
 | You scored as Male. Being mostly male, within your structures of thinking simply means that your reasoning powers are the way they are perceived in Western Culture higher than the one of the opposite sex. Psychoanalsis claims this to come at the price of creative expression - a rational thinker can not think out of the box it is claimed. Yet, many creative Minds were men.
Should you be MALE or FEMALE?* created with QuizFarm.com |
(from
scottishlass)Is it just me, or does the first sentence of that explanation not make any sense?
Soooo... in the last couple of months I've found out on the internet that...
- I'm male. (Heh. That would explain my recent computer building exploits. *g*)
- I have autistic tendencies. (No kidding now: this would explain most of my childhood, really.)
- I may be asexual.
- I have a problem that seems like a very light form of prosopagnosia (inability to recognize people's faces). Only, apparently a light form of prosopagnosia does not technically exist, at least not according to the information available on the internet... Still, I have never met anybody who reported even remotely the level of difficulties that I have with recognizing people, so I think I *may* not be quite within the normal, 'healthy' range of natural variation there, even if there is no medical term for my exact problem.
In conclusion: I'm a freak, in more ways than one! *g*
Well, of course, internet quizzes and articles or pages on the net that give me a vague 'me too!' feeling aren't exactly incontrovertible evidence. And, frankly, I don't think I'm particularly extreme in any of these respects, even if any of them *should* be provable. I'm not *that* much of a 'freak' - I just have some more or less unusual mental 'features'/deficits. There's probably a wide range of variation for any of these traits among the general population, with most people somewhere in the middle of the scale, whereas I may be slightly off-centre, and perhaps in some cases somewhat closer to one of the extremes than to the centre. Nothing particularly dramatic, really. I do think, however, that these perceived tendencies really do exist in my psychological makeup, and it's kind of interesting how well they fit together. I also think it's interesting that there seems to be a tendency to explain them as *mostly* 'hardwired', or at least acquired so early in life that they may as well be.
So, why am I so eager to find mental deficiencies that I may have? Well, I'm not, not really; I just happened to come across a lot of similarly themed articles recently - synchronicity works in mysterious ways! - and in too many of them I recognised a part of myself. And, well, I just like the idea that parts of my *brain* simply work a bit 'unconventionally' ;-) better than the idea that I'm somehow *psychologically* screwed up in so many ways. E.g., my mom's favourite explanation for my problem with recognizing people used to be that I just didn't pay enough attention to people, that I needed to look at them properly, etc. This made me feel like I was doing something wrong, that I was somehow to *blame* for not recognizing Mrs. X from across the street when I didn't see her in a familiar context. Cue guilty feelings, angsty soul-searching etc. Similar examples (not necessarily involving my mom, as she's not usually this big on guilt-tripping me) could be made for the other 'abnormalities' mentioned above. For more than a decade of my life I've had friends, fellow students, teachers, family members psychoanalyzing me; people always, I think, perceived something slightly 'wrong' about me, and tried to 'fix' me. But maybe there is nothing that needs fixing there. Maybe I just *am* that way.
Or is that just laziness and denial speaking? I really don't think so, but then, psychoanalysis teaches us never to trust our subconscious, so what do I know... *g*
Welllllll... back to Norbert Elias now, whom I've been trying to avoid by typing this...
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-05-25 05:25 pm (UTC)Dude, I FAILED that test!
Date: 2006-05-25 06:35 pm (UTC)"You scored as Neither. You think neither like a man or a woman. What you are you may decide for yourself. Most people will consider you strange, Alien, weird or funny. You are probably quite interesting."
Well I hope I'm interesting...
I have to say that your face recognition thing can't be not paying attention. You really pay attention to geekish pursuits yet can't always tell Helo and Apollo apart. My friend Adrian can't hear always hear the differences between accents even when they're really clear to others (though this does explain why EVERY accent he ever does is Newcastle-Bombay-Irish. No, I'm not kidding.) I have tendencies that are extremely similar to Obsessive-Compulsive disorder, to the point where I got sent to a psychiatrist once, but it's not on a level that needs either treatment or formal diagnosis. I don't see why you can't have a "touch" of prosopagnosia.
Given that most psychological tendencies are just neuroses or disorders that aren't quite as extreme (quite as far along whatever sliding scale), nearly everyone leans towards one screw-uped-way of thinking or another. Honestly, I think nearly everyone in the whole world could be diagnosed with a mild form of *something*. The human brain just isn't stable enough to work exactly as designed.
The fact that your mental leanings are a little different just makes you extra-special. And means that maybe others are a little less of an accurate barometer for you. I know what you mean about wondering about the validity of internet testing for personality-based observations, but I think trying to learn more about yourself (via whatever method) can only be positive. The very fact that these things resonate with you as "true" tells you more about yourself, even if it's only the same way as seeing what part of a horoscope stays with you (i.e. the horoscope itself might be full of crap, but the bits that you focus on might say something neat about *you*).
Um, in sum? I'm not sure. In sum, I probably have Rambling Keyboard Disorder. In sum, your last sentence is TOTALLY right.
You are how you are. As long as YOU'RE happy with it, then damn straight nothing needs fixing.
P.S. Kevie says hi, and how is Space? (I guess he thinks you're, like, out there, in a rocket or something. And you think YOU have problems... ;)
Dude, I *am* out there!
Date: 2006-05-25 07:09 pm (UTC)Say hi back to Kev.
As for the Rambling Keyboard Disorder: we frelling need to talk! On the phone! I'm away every evening for the rest of the week, but let's make it next week. Monday's bad as I have uni in the evening there, but, say, Tuesday evening?
P.S.:
Date: 2006-05-25 07:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-25 09:27 pm (UTC)I get to meet a host of people through my job and can recognize their faces years later, not always remember their names, not always remember what exact type of job they did, but I usually know their face is at least familiar.
I don't think it's a lack of interest for others, I think it's mostly a certain unease in my social interactions outside of work and close friend/family circle.
About all those things you found out about yourself, do they make you feel better now that you have a word for them or is it merely knowing that you're not alone in there?
Faces etc.
Date: 2006-05-25 10:20 pm (UTC)I also have trouble following parts of the plot of movies or tv shows that have two or more characters that I have put into the same group - I remember being very confused by a movie with two tall, blonde, long-haired women who appeared in separate scenes and weren't addressed with their names a lot, once. Or sometimes confusing Apollo and Helo on Battlestar Galactica.
Generally, the more unique someone looks, the easier I find it to recognize them, but that's often based on things like body type, size, hair etc. rather than face - i.e. if I knew more than one person with that body type or hair, I would get them mixed up, too.
As for how having a word for my peculiarities makes me feel... yes, it makes me feel better, because I feel less like it's all my 'fault' now. Though it's not really the *name* but rather the fact that most of these things aren't neurotic disorders but apparently - if they're disorders at all - neurological ones. For much of my teenage years I felt almost guilty for not being in therapy or something, because people always seemed to think I should try to 'do something' about my various 'people problems'. And in some cases, like the example with my mom and my difficulty with faces, people kept suggesting I should just 'try harder', and I even did, yet the core problems always remained. There's a certain relief in the idea that maybe, just *maybe* I don't need a shrink, that I don't have a deeply suppressed trauma or something but that I'm basically just 'wired' slightly differently from most people.
(Using the 'angsty' icon in honour of my angsty teenage years. *g*)
Re: P.S.:
Date: 2006-05-26 04:34 pm (UTC)And yay. YAY THAT YOU LIKE MY VID! I think it's the most...interesting one I've done so far, but it's the one that's gotten the least feedback. Well, at least the small amount of feedback I did get was positive. Anyway, I'd, of course, love your opinion.
Perhaps on Tuesday, when we talk, using those nifty PHONE things.
Becka.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-02 03:30 pm (UTC)--> http://www.spiegel.de/wissenschaft/mensch/0,1518,419266,00.html
Nager (who, according to the test is either of either or neither gender - what sort of result is that?)
Weird coincidence!
Date: 2006-06-02 11:15 pm (UTC)Thanks for the link. And yeah, that actually sounds much closer to my problem than the extreme versions I've read about on the net.
I get a kick out of the fact that if I really have this (and I think I do), I'm in a minority of 2% of the general population - just as I would be if I really were asexual (jury's still out on that one in my mind, whereas I'm pretty sure about the prosopagnosia). Apparently that's also the case for around 2% of the general population. I seem to have a thing about 2% minorities. *g*
(Using my 'meta' icon because this is Hmpf meta, so to speak. *g*)
And, frell, I need to get that CD on its way to you...
Re: Weird coincidence!
Date: 2006-06-03 04:10 pm (UTC)You sound like an Australian, mate!
Date: 2006-06-03 04:22 pm (UTC)No news on the Vendemiaire front yet, btw. :-(
And witness the above post for Germanicisms in action. Arrgh.
Date: 2006-06-03 04:24 pm (UTC)Language angst!!!