Heh, I forgot to actually post my questions, in the last entry.

[hmpf]

Okay, here goes. Depressed and formerly depressed people of LJ and DW:

1.) Have you been 'officially depressed' yet felt neither sad nor numb?

2.) Have you had 'energy issues' without necessarily having 'motivation issues'? What I mean is, did you ever find it difficult to actually *do* things, but still found yourself really *wanting* to do things? Like your battery for taking action was just permanently almost out of juice, whereas your battery for caring about things worked just fine?

Number 2.) describes my central problem. I'm not sure if it can be explained by depression, but maybe it can.

What are your experiences regarding this?

Comments

[kimboo_york]

Yes I've been "officially" depressed. I would describe neither time it occurred as being "sad" or even "numb"; I think a better description would be despair. My mother was manic-depressive and her depressions were more like lethargy-anger-despair all balled up in a knot.

I mean, I was numb in the sense of being kind of divorced from people around me; I did not feel anything about how I felt about them, if that makes sense. If I was ever sad it was born out of my overwhelming sense of frustration and guilt. And that frustration and guilt was born out of your item #2; I could barely make it out of bed, to work, to the store...hell even brushing my teeth was too much work some days. Yet, I had such longing to do things, things I thought I could not do (and indeed, at the time, really couldn't do); stuff I cared deeply about but simply could not find the energy to do because my perspective was that nothing I did would ever create change for me.

That said, my bouts of clinical depression were fairly short and were preceded by traumatizing events. I don't know how things would have gone had I lived with that level of depression for a year or more. I just remember those times as feeling like I was stuck in mud, drowning in it, and unable to get where I wanted to go because I was so busy trying not to sink. I felt helpless. And fuck all, I hate that feeling worst of any of them.

[bimo]

1) Never been declared 'officially depressed', but have a strong tendency towards seasonal affective disorder (Winterdepression), displaying symptoms such as weight gain due to uncontrolled overeating (carbohydrates, here I come), low energy, sleeping problems/weird sleep pattern, strong need to withdraw from almost all forms of social interaction. This usually goes on from early November to late February/early March. Every fucking year. To such a degree that I have repeatedly asked my (completely wonderful, supportive and loving!) husband to simply celebrate Christmas without me, because I'd just spoil it for him. To misquote T'raltixx: Apparently I need more light to function normally and rationally.

2) Absolutely yes. For me, it's an essential part of the Winterdepression experience.

[muladhara]

1. No (I'm depressed as described in the dictionary).

2. Frequently. I hate it. It's one of the reasons I like working for myself, because I can take a nap and (hopefully) recharge myself for a couple of hours. But that annoys me because I could be creating instead of sleeping. So. But I mean, that's only one example. There's a lot of times where I've wanted to do things but just can't summon up the energy.

I see that as part of the illness, my energy levels fluctuate like my mood does (sometimes in tandem, sometimes not - I'm pretty good at the moment, but occasionally, I still have problems with motivation).

Urgh, I feel like I just repeated myself a bunch of times, sorry.

[diotimah.livejournal.com]

Well, number 2.) applies to me as well, and has been a source of *lots* of problems so far. Depression might be part of the answer, but doesn't explain everything in my opinion. Perhaps this website is interesting to you.

[diotimah.livejournal.com]

PS: Depression can manifest itself in many different ways, depending on character, personal circumstances and other factors. Also, have you ever considered you might be bipolar? Many creative people are.;)

[amonitrate.livejournal.com]

to be honest, from everything you've been sharing, it sounds to me like you might be having some issues with anxiety. There are depression and anxiety "checklists" or tests you can find online, maybe taking a look to see if you feel you might fit either or both if you haven't already might help you talk to the therapist?