![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Entry tags:
F-list
It's ridiculous how much fear I have of checking my f-list.
Feels like too little, too late, to jump back in now, really. Can't save something that's been destroyed so thoroughly. Doesn't matter that I always cared - you have to show it, too. If you can't, for whatever weird mental reason, then that's too bad, but it's really not the problem of the people you abandoned; it's yours.
In books and movies, people make a clean break, leave their lives behind, make a new life with new friends somewhere else. That's how you do it. You don't get a second (well, okay maybe a second, but not a third - and I'm on my fourth or fifth try here) chance with people you treated like dirt for years. You accept that you can't fix the hurt, and that some relationships are lost. You just have to accept that you screwed up, and do better with the new people who come into your life.
No matter if you still miss the old ones.
Feels like too little, too late, to jump back in now, really. Can't save something that's been destroyed so thoroughly. Doesn't matter that I always cared - you have to show it, too. If you can't, for whatever weird mental reason, then that's too bad, but it's really not the problem of the people you abandoned; it's yours.
In books and movies, people make a clean break, leave their lives behind, make a new life with new friends somewhere else. That's how you do it. You don't get a second (well, okay maybe a second, but not a third - and I'm on my fourth or fifth try here) chance with people you treated like dirt for years. You accept that you can't fix the hurt, and that some relationships are lost. You just have to accept that you screwed up, and do better with the new people who come into your life.
No matter if you still miss the old ones.
no subject
With LJ, it's similar. I dropped out of LJ for about 3 years - just completely. When I finally got in the right kind of space to come back, I didn't read back over everything I had missed, or even a filtered version of that. I picked out a handful of people I'd known the longest and read a couple of entries back at most. With online environments, and their very nature, it is possible to dip in and out and not necessarily keep track of everyone and that's fine.
It is easy for me to say, I suppose, but please do not worry about reading back on your friends page. Certainly in the case of my entries, and I can probably speak for a great number of the others on there when I say it's probably true for them too.
And if they object, send them my way and I will glare disapprovingly at them.
With real life... I'm not really a great source of information about that. Whenever I go to a new place, or change my general situation, I actually ditch nearly everyone I knew before. When I went to secondary school, I cut off contact with people I knew from primary school. At university, I ditched everyone from secondary school. When I left university...well, pretty much ditched everyone from there. It's not entirely intentional or concious, but I realise that my experience has trended that way. Part of it is that I have generally ended up going to places where the people I knew previously are not going (if that makes sense), so if there isn't effort on both sides to keep in touch... well. It's goodbye.
On the other hand, when I do bump into someone I haven't seen in years, the meeting tends to be like we've not been apart at all. That might just be my perception of it, but ultimately...that's the part that matters for me.
no subject
no subject