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2009 in Review
I started reading my flist again yesterday, properly, for the first time in... years, and was glad to find several "2009 in review" posts there - very handy for someone who'd like to catch up with people but can't really spare the time to read dozens or hundreds of posts back on a hundred LJs. ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
dunkle_feuer suggested I do such a post myself, and I suppose it does make sense to make it easier for people to catch up with *me*.
2009 is easier measured in what I didn't do than in what I did, I'm afraid. Up till the end of June I lived for uni, very nearly entirely. I moved back to my parents for a significant part of that time, because for a while I couldn't even manage to do basic maintenance tasks like keeping myself reasonably fed while writing my thesis and preparing for exams.
I finally finished uni on June 30th, with a pretty good final grade despite some rather traumatic times during the exams period. Got nominated for an award, even, for my thesis.
I had high-flying plans for the time after uni - revive my languishing social life, become a productive goldsmith, become a productive writer, write a shitload of job applications ASAP so as to find a way to pay my bills without having to use up my fairly meagre savings... (I lost my student job with the end of my student status, in October.)
I managed none of that, although I did have occasional spurts of activity in one area or another, except for writing. My mind hasn't been in a proper writing place ever since I finished uni. Ironically, I was rather productive, writing-wise, during the thesis and exams phase - that was one of two small 'escapes' I managed to allow myself on a regular basis. One of my fastest-ever pieces of writing even happened in the final months of my thesis (the only fic I posted in 2009, and a very odd one to boot) - maybe because my mind needed to procrastinate so badly.
I've had two short but fairly effective spurts of goldsmithing activity in 2009. I want this to turn into a more regular feature, though.
I've written a grand total of nine job applications, and that includes applications for unpaid internships and unqualified, 20-hours-a-week, student-job-type jobs (most recent: two applications for positions as data typist/office help at an IT company and a computer parts dealership). It's only partly laziness/disorganisation - the main thing is that there seem to be pretty damn few jobs available for someone with my 'qualifications'. It feels more than a little futile to apply for jobs whose requirements I only fulfil a tiny fraction of ("I know English and I know how to use a text editor. What, that *isn't* enough for you?! What kind of unreasonable expectations do you have of your prospective employees, do you expect them to actually, I dunno, know something about the field they're supposed to work in?" ;-)). So, yeah, I do feel some lack of motivation, but it's pretty well founded in reality. I think. I think I need to do a couple of internships, because most of the things I seem to be lacking are the kind of things you learn during internships. Of course, there's little chance of finding an internship before the middle of the year. I should have realised I needed an internship months ago, and applied immediately. (And, of course, by the middle of the year I'll be 34... there's a lot of companies that won't actually take interns who are older than 30. Also, yeah, I have no idea what I'm going to live on while I do internships. I'm pretty sure you can't really work another job while doing an internship... an internship *is* a full-time job.)
Ah well. In terms of non-useful but nevertheless satisfying productivity, I've acquired a new hobby in 2009, rather by accident. I happened to have the indie platformer Knytt Stories on my laptop while I was preparing for exams, and started playing it, on and off, for lack of other ways of taking my mind off the exams for short periods. I'm not usually a fan of platformers, but KS has a certain charm. It comes with an editor, so when I ran out of levels to play, I started tinkering with that a bit. Now, six months later, I'm 232 screens into the building of a rather large level focused on exploration and pretty landscape. It's a hugely meditative activity, very relaxing, and can be done in tiny portions, so it can easily be fitted in between more important and more time-consuming activities.
In November I began a supplemental course about... heh, I don't even know what to call it in English. The title, translated directly, is "book and media practice". There's a class on copy-editing, another on literary criticism, another on producing radio features, and one about planning exhibitions, and so on. I'm not sure it's much use, but I suppose it looks better on the C.V. than just a long period of unemployment.
I suppose the one thing I did this year (aside from finishing uni) that actually did... advance me on one of the trajectories I've been meaning to advance on was becoming a Greenpeace volunteer. I did that in July, immediately after the last exams. I've been moderately active since then - again, not as active as I would like to be. In December, I went to Copenhagen to help with the Greenpeace effort there. Not doing anything very exciting, mostly just cleaning up. I did get to ride in an inflatable, once, though. *g* Don't get me wrong, I didn't mind doing the more mundane tasks there. Somebody has to do them, and I just wanted to be part of the activities there in *some* capacity. I had a great week there, all in all.
It's not enough, though, I feel, just volunteering with Greenpeace. But I still haven't found out how to be more effective - what other group(s) to join, what actions to take... plus, like with every other activity in my life, I keep getting sidetracked.
That's kind of the summary of 2009: "I still haven't found out how to be more effective" - in just about every area of my life that I care about. I've talked with my family about that a lot, recently, and I'm now - again - about ready to seek therapy or something. Obviously I'm not managing my life well (my sleep problems have escalated again, too), so I need help. Can you learn discipline at age 33?
dunkle_feuer suggested I do such a post myself, and I suppose it does make sense to make it easier for people to catch up with *me*. 2009 is easier measured in what I didn't do than in what I did, I'm afraid. Up till the end of June I lived for uni, very nearly entirely. I moved back to my parents for a significant part of that time, because for a while I couldn't even manage to do basic maintenance tasks like keeping myself reasonably fed while writing my thesis and preparing for exams.
I finally finished uni on June 30th, with a pretty good final grade despite some rather traumatic times during the exams period. Got nominated for an award, even, for my thesis.
I had high-flying plans for the time after uni - revive my languishing social life, become a productive goldsmith, become a productive writer, write a shitload of job applications ASAP so as to find a way to pay my bills without having to use up my fairly meagre savings... (I lost my student job with the end of my student status, in October.)
I managed none of that, although I did have occasional spurts of activity in one area or another, except for writing. My mind hasn't been in a proper writing place ever since I finished uni. Ironically, I was rather productive, writing-wise, during the thesis and exams phase - that was one of two small 'escapes' I managed to allow myself on a regular basis. One of my fastest-ever pieces of writing even happened in the final months of my thesis (the only fic I posted in 2009, and a very odd one to boot) - maybe because my mind needed to procrastinate so badly.
I've had two short but fairly effective spurts of goldsmithing activity in 2009. I want this to turn into a more regular feature, though.
I've written a grand total of nine job applications, and that includes applications for unpaid internships and unqualified, 20-hours-a-week, student-job-type jobs (most recent: two applications for positions as data typist/office help at an IT company and a computer parts dealership). It's only partly laziness/disorganisation - the main thing is that there seem to be pretty damn few jobs available for someone with my 'qualifications'. It feels more than a little futile to apply for jobs whose requirements I only fulfil a tiny fraction of ("I know English and I know how to use a text editor. What, that *isn't* enough for you?! What kind of unreasonable expectations do you have of your prospective employees, do you expect them to actually, I dunno, know something about the field they're supposed to work in?" ;-)). So, yeah, I do feel some lack of motivation, but it's pretty well founded in reality. I think. I think I need to do a couple of internships, because most of the things I seem to be lacking are the kind of things you learn during internships. Of course, there's little chance of finding an internship before the middle of the year. I should have realised I needed an internship months ago, and applied immediately. (And, of course, by the middle of the year I'll be 34... there's a lot of companies that won't actually take interns who are older than 30. Also, yeah, I have no idea what I'm going to live on while I do internships. I'm pretty sure you can't really work another job while doing an internship... an internship *is* a full-time job.)
Ah well. In terms of non-useful but nevertheless satisfying productivity, I've acquired a new hobby in 2009, rather by accident. I happened to have the indie platformer Knytt Stories on my laptop while I was preparing for exams, and started playing it, on and off, for lack of other ways of taking my mind off the exams for short periods. I'm not usually a fan of platformers, but KS has a certain charm. It comes with an editor, so when I ran out of levels to play, I started tinkering with that a bit. Now, six months later, I'm 232 screens into the building of a rather large level focused on exploration and pretty landscape. It's a hugely meditative activity, very relaxing, and can be done in tiny portions, so it can easily be fitted in between more important and more time-consuming activities.
In November I began a supplemental course about... heh, I don't even know what to call it in English. The title, translated directly, is "book and media practice". There's a class on copy-editing, another on literary criticism, another on producing radio features, and one about planning exhibitions, and so on. I'm not sure it's much use, but I suppose it looks better on the C.V. than just a long period of unemployment.
I suppose the one thing I did this year (aside from finishing uni) that actually did... advance me on one of the trajectories I've been meaning to advance on was becoming a Greenpeace volunteer. I did that in July, immediately after the last exams. I've been moderately active since then - again, not as active as I would like to be. In December, I went to Copenhagen to help with the Greenpeace effort there. Not doing anything very exciting, mostly just cleaning up. I did get to ride in an inflatable, once, though. *g* Don't get me wrong, I didn't mind doing the more mundane tasks there. Somebody has to do them, and I just wanted to be part of the activities there in *some* capacity. I had a great week there, all in all.
It's not enough, though, I feel, just volunteering with Greenpeace. But I still haven't found out how to be more effective - what other group(s) to join, what actions to take... plus, like with every other activity in my life, I keep getting sidetracked.
That's kind of the summary of 2009: "I still haven't found out how to be more effective" - in just about every area of my life that I care about. I've talked with my family about that a lot, recently, and I'm now - again - about ready to seek therapy or something. Obviously I'm not managing my life well (my sleep problems have escalated again, too), so I need help. Can you learn discipline at age 33?
no subject
Ich glaube ja immer noch, Du brauchst eine gute Beratung. Gibt es bei euch an der Uni oder bei der Arbeitsagentur nicht Menschen, die sich mit so was auskennen? Bei Bewerbungen muss man manchmal einfach Mut haben und zeigen, ohne zu sehr zu übertreiben, aber eben die eigenen Fähigkeiten geschickt genug vermarkten. Und das fällt soooo schwer, ich weiß. Aber wie schon gesagt, es gibt Leute, die sich mit so was auskennen und manchmal ist es nur ein Nebensatz in einem Anschreiben, dass den Leser desselben dazu bringt, ausgerechnet DICH zum Gespräch zu bitten.
Nur Mut, das wird. Bestimmt. *knuddel*
no subject
But I think that finishing your thesis, to the point that you were even nominated for an award, is pretty much impressive! Hopefully the job situation will resolve itself fairly soon, too, now that the economy is slowly improving again. I will definitely keep my fingers crossed for you!
And I meant to say that I think your activities are very impressive, even if you are "only" doing the the more mundane tasks. It's much more than most other people, including me, have been doing. And I was very glad to hear that you got safely back from Copenhagen. After hearing some of the news there, I got a bit worried about you, so it's good to have you back here as well!
Can you learn discipline at age 33?
Heh. I'm really not sure about that. I mean, I'm keeping a steady 9-5 (well, kinda) job and that for 1 1/2 years already, but in all that time, I haven't learned once to go in bed on time, for example. Most of days I have to go on 4 hrs of sleep. And let's not talk how about I manage the rest of my life. I'm quite incapable of keeping the chaos out of my flat while working (mind you, it's not dirty here, but our flat is in a constant state of chaos) or to combine work - RL obligations - social life in any acceptable balance. I'm really and absolutely unable to do so. It works for a few weeks, then it all gets too much and I'm unable to keep in touch with anybody for at least the same amount of time. It's quite frustrating, actually. But I have learned to live with the frustration, for the most part at least. And I can count myself just very, very lucky that most of the people around me understand me (or at least accept my shortcomings when it comes to me & friendships & organizing stuff).
But if you ever find out if and how it is possible to change such ways our age, please let me know :D