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Is it writer's block...
if I can't even bring myself to open the frelling document before it's three a.m. and I have exhausted every other possibility of entertainment? I sort of sit at the computer all day, with the thesis folder open in the task bar as if I'm *just* about to open a file, and read the Engrish blog, and Cute Overload, and boingboing, and I Can Has Cheezburger, and half a dozen eco sites, and basically every timewaster site there is on the net. I'm not even writing fic, or spamming Mikey with comments anymore, which was at least a sort-of-useful form of procrastination... I'm really just killing time - when time is the last thing I can afford to lose.
Needless to say, my sleep rhythm is completely out of whack again, too. And I'm totally panicking at the thought of next week, which is a week where I have four hour shifts instead of my usual two hours, and those four hour shifts involve a type of work that does not really allow you to write 'on the side', as the two hour shifts usually do. Basically, I'll be at work all day (or what constitutes 'all day' if your regular day is only five hours long because your sleep pattern is fucked up) and only get home at about ten in the evening, probably somewhat exhausted, and then I'll have to make dinner and stuff, and *then*, at eleven in the evening or so, I will be able to start working. If I'm still able to work then, that is.
Actually, the more I consider this, the more sense it makes to just give in to my bizarre sleep rhythm and redefine three p.m. as 'morning,' at least for the next week, and possibly for the rest of the writing phase. That way, I'd get to go to work about two hours after waking up next week, and would have the entirenight 'day' left for working on my thesis. I could go to sleep at, say, eight a.m. or so? One thing that really fucks me up at the moment is trying to fight my sick sleep pattern all the time. See, normally - I mean, 'normally' for a value of 'normal' that includes my current severe sleep problem - I'd probably go to bed after posting this - i.e. at a quarter to four a.m. or so. And then I'd spend several hours in bed trying to go to sleep - probably until around eight or so in the morning. And then I'd sleep until my alarm clock would wake me up for the first time - and because I'm constantly fighting my sleep rhythm, that would probably be at eleven or so, after only three hours of sleep. So of course I'd go to sleep again after the alarm rang. And probably sleep until the early afternoon.
I may as well give up on the pretense of being able to sleep before eight if I go to bed by four, and just *work* till eight; actually get a few pages of writing done.
Oh fuck. I forgot that I actually have to work early on Tuesday and Thursday. *sigh* There goes that plan.
Though I suppose I could go to sleep *after* work on those days.
That would be at about half past eleven in the morning. So... if I get up at half past four in the afternoon to go to work, that'd still be about five hours of sleep.
Hey, why don't I just stop sleeping altogether?
*groan*
I can haz normal sleep pattern, plz? I'm not exactly the most efficient person at the best of times, but this? This is just screwing me up in so many ways, and it exacerbates the writer's block-induced inefficiency like nobody's business.
(Filename is now: Frankensteins_thesis.odt, because I've begun patching my various truncated attempts at introductions and whatnot together. So far, it's fifteen pages of fail.)
Needless to say, my sleep rhythm is completely out of whack again, too. And I'm totally panicking at the thought of next week, which is a week where I have four hour shifts instead of my usual two hours, and those four hour shifts involve a type of work that does not really allow you to write 'on the side', as the two hour shifts usually do. Basically, I'll be at work all day (or what constitutes 'all day' if your regular day is only five hours long because your sleep pattern is fucked up) and only get home at about ten in the evening, probably somewhat exhausted, and then I'll have to make dinner and stuff, and *then*, at eleven in the evening or so, I will be able to start working. If I'm still able to work then, that is.
Actually, the more I consider this, the more sense it makes to just give in to my bizarre sleep rhythm and redefine three p.m. as 'morning,' at least for the next week, and possibly for the rest of the writing phase. That way, I'd get to go to work about two hours after waking up next week, and would have the entire
I may as well give up on the pretense of being able to sleep before eight if I go to bed by four, and just *work* till eight; actually get a few pages of writing done.
Oh fuck. I forgot that I actually have to work early on Tuesday and Thursday. *sigh* There goes that plan.
Though I suppose I could go to sleep *after* work on those days.
That would be at about half past eleven in the morning. So... if I get up at half past four in the afternoon to go to work, that'd still be about five hours of sleep.
Hey, why don't I just stop sleeping altogether?
*groan*
I can haz normal sleep pattern, plz? I'm not exactly the most efficient person at the best of times, but this? This is just screwing me up in so many ways, and it exacerbates the writer's block-induced inefficiency like nobody's business.
(Filename is now: Frankensteins_thesis.odt, because I've begun patching my various truncated attempts at introductions and whatnot together. So far, it's fifteen pages of fail.)
no subject
Over the last few weeks I have become acutely aware that I will do anything to put off doing something. Even solitare on the laptop. Which I am beginning to not enjoy at all because I recognise it for a delaying tactic. In addition to only really wanting to write when there is no time to. Ie, NOW, when I need to go to bed because I need to get up at 7.30am. ::shakes head::
And really this post wasn't supposed to be me going on about myself, but just to say that I totally understand where you are coming from, and you are not totally alone in these behavioural patterns. I can't advise you how to solve them, mind, for which I am sorry. Hope you manage to sort out a workable routine soon. Hugs.
Random hug:
That is all. ;-)
More detailed reply tomorrow, maybe. Unless I'm actually able to overcome the procrastination thing tomorrow, in which case I'll probably not be posting here but try to get as much work done as possible. (I get these weird spurts of... workiness, once in a while. Without those I wouldn't be able to get *anything* done.)
BTW, I *so* sympathise on the writing thing! Arrrgh. Do my best, most inspired writing when I have an urgent deadline for something quite unrelated, like a uni paper. Or a thesis. Double arrgh.
Okay, I'm a few days late...
>Basically, taking all day to do a relatively small amount of work, pausing, reading fic, surfing, ebay, you tube, random sites looking for Christmas presents for people.
Yeah, sounds like my M.O., too.
Though sometimes I at least manage to procrastinate in a useful manner. Say, by making jewellery instead of working on the thesis; or by writing instead of working on the thesis, etc.
>(Yes, I was on Can haz Cheeseburger, yesterday).
Heh. I visit there every day. It's essential to my mental health. ;-)
>Over the last few weeks I have become acutely aware that I will do anything to put off doing something.
You know what would be great? There should be monastery-like houses where people like us could rent cheap, absolutely bare rooms (with just a chair and a desk and a bed; no internet connection, of course *g*) for short periods of time. Absolutely no distractions. No tempting bookcase, no e-mail program with plenty of unanswered mail, no IM, no LJ or forums... no I Can Has Cheezburger... (NOOOOOOOO!!! *g*) - Of course, there's a problem even with that proposition. Namely, all it takes to distract me, ultimately, is my own head. There's always enough going on in there to make work seem the less appealing option. So many unwritten fics one can think about, etc. My mind is too frelling entertaining!