Keeping some kind of record of my emotional state after my second big fandom catastrophe...

[hmpf]

Still pissed at LOM. Fighting hard to keep at least some of my love for the show alive by furiously writing fix-it fic. Which, amazingly, is going very well - it's like my frustration's a speed booster for my writing. I suppose a need to 'fix' something always has been one of the strongest motivations for writing fanfic. (I'm writing a very bitter Maya right now; seems all my bitterness has ended up in her. Which kind of makes sense, because she's always been the character through whom I channel my emotions for Sam, only earlier, it used to be all kinds of tenderness.)

Maybe I'm going to end up writing *all* the alternative non-stupid endings I can think of... *g* LOM still makes marvellous fic material, and I can probably learn to love my own versions of it. I've moved permanently to alternate realities in other fandoms... (Heh... all I need to do is jump from the canon building, and I'll be in my preferred version of fanon... forever...) It's just such a shame I can't love the original, at the moment. Nor any fic which affirms the ending, which basically makes 99% of all fic written post 2.08 unreadable for me.

I'm waiting eagerly for more fic from the disappointed minority. *g*

Going to the ep 8 thread at the RA still pisses me off, although I know it's unfair and stupid and arrogant of me to get angry at people for enjoying the ending. And since I'm wise enouogh to know that it's unfair, stupid and arrogant of me, I'm trying to keep my interaction with the RA to a minimum, for the time being. (Can't *quite* keep away from it; the obsession's still alive, even if the love isn't.)

Probably that's also good for my fanfic, as I now channel nearly all of my remaining obsession into that.

Sadly, I'm actually dreading rewatching *any* of the episodes now, because so much that I thought poignant before I knew the ending is now so meaningless and cheap. Also, I miss my burning Sam Tyler love.

**

For anyone new here who may not know what my first big fandom catastrophe was: the cancellation of Farscape in 2002. That hurt like hell; but at least that show didn't essentially kill itself.

Comments

[pink-bagels.livejournal.com]

I feel your pain. Though I try to be a naysayer, I keep feeling like I'm in a highly unwelcome minority for pointing out what I believe are huge flaws in the show's ending. I've rewatched it a few times, and I still hate it, in fact more than ever.

People looking for harlequin romance endings got what they wanted, and sadly those of us who genuinely love good sci-fi and horror are kind of left out in the cold--Which is odd, because I think it is the latter that the show actually *is*. I'm still trying to figure out why the pre-screening of the episode by journalists were cheering when Sam jumped off the edge of the building. I was just stunned by it, and I genuinely *hated* Sam at this point. I couldn't stop thinking of how rotten and selfish he was to abandon his life like this after he'd suffered so long to get back 'home'. I needed a better resolution than him offing himself and destroying the people he supposedly loved in 2007. Which now that I think of it, makes me hate Sam even more. He was worried sick about leaving his make-believe buddies behind in a tragic shoot-out, but he doesn't care a thing about leaving his mother an emotional mess from his suicide. What a jerk :(

Gah, every time I think of that ending, I have new reasons to hate Sam. I cried all right...For every coherent, non fanbrat servicing, give 'em what they want television scriptwriter out there. That's one hell of a hollow tunnel.

Not that I'm bitter or feeling angry and cranky or anything :P.

[neuralclone.livejournal.com]

Well I'll make no bones about being one of those people who wanted Sam to stay in 1973 - but I wanted it to be a real 1973. One which turns into 1974 and eventually back to 2006. I wanted real time-travel dammit. (I do come at things from a SF perspective!) I wanted it to be Sam getting his "second chance" to make a difference and learning that feelings do have their uses.

And failing that ... if the whole thing had turned out to be a coma dream, I wanted him to return to 2006/7 with a new-found appreciation for life. And you know, Matthew Graham didn't have to write 2007 as a bleak, alienating environment. He could have had Sam wake up with all his family around him, crying for joy. Have his colleagues great him with "Welcome back, Sam. We missed you!" Instead of showing Sam in a tedious bureacratic meeting, shown us what drew Sam to his job in the first place.

But in the end, what we got was ... a mentally and probably physically ill man, plunging to his death. A horrible, pointless tragedy all wrapped up in rainbows and fluffy-bunnies.

And my last fandom/character catastrophe - like you, Farscape. The scene where John "whacked" Harvey in Season 4. I'd grown very fond of Harvey - see my nickname! - and I was enjoying watching him grow into A Real Boy. And the rest of Season 4 seemed to be all John/Aeryn angst. (I did like them in the mini-series though. They seem to have recovered their equilibrium. Getting disintegrated must have been therapeutic!)

[lm-jillybean.livejournal.com]

Going to the ep 8 thread at the RA still pisses me off, although I know it's unfair and stupid and arrogant of me to get angry at people for enjoying the ending. And since I'm wise enouogh to know that it's unfair, stupid and arrogant of me, I'm trying to keep my interaction with the RA to a minimum, for the time being. (Can't *quite* keep away from it; the obsession's still alive, even if the love isn't.)

Hail Mary! Praise the Lord and hallelujah. I'm exactly the same. I know I have no reason to begrudge someone for enjoying something that I desperately wanted to enjoy - but for some reason I do.

And fix-it fic is good!!

[ex-emeriin213.livejournal.com]

Ooooh, can I join? I'd love to be a co-mod as well, if I may.

And as for the ending, it's more disturbing than anything else. I know I shouldn't get pissed at the positive forum people, but when they say the negatives don't get it, or they'll come around, it makes me want to hit something.

I see suicide as suicide, no matter what genre its in. I try, but I cannot see it as a leap of faith, or a way to time travel, or 'feeling'. I see it as a disturbed man becoming a smashed up corpse on the ground. And can anyone explain to me why his mother would actually understand, other than the ridiculous reason of 'she knew he kept his promises'? I can't see any mother understanding.

I see the end as a dying fantasy before he dies for good, and before I saw everyone elses reaction, I thought the writers had done that intentionally, but no, everyone loved it and the writers made suicide into a positive action, with rainbows and driving off into the fricking sunset. Any my god, I need to stop ranting about this, so I'm going to ignore the writer's views and retreat into denial. LA-LA-LA-LA! I can't hear you!