Entry tags:
Apology. Yet another variation.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, all you people I love and keep failing. (And the ones I don't know as well but sorta like, too.) I *was* doing well about catching up, and then I... slipped. Again. And here I am, standing in the tracks watching the disappearing train, with a thousand other things demanding my attention.
Okay, here's an experiment. It's a little past ten p.m. I usually get tired around 3 a.m. Let's see if I can get five solid hours of (uni) work in for once. If I manage *that* I'll allow myself an hour of catching up tomorrow. There are a few people whose LJs I've been afraid to check, recently, because I'm a coward and I think you may need me and I don't know what to do.
I'm sorry guys. It's not even that I'm too busy to keep in touch, exactly, though by rights I should be. I should have been so busy these last couple of months.
It's... complicated. It's my brain making excuses (mostly subconscious ones, at that) to procrastinate, both when I need to work *and* when I need to do things to... keep in touch. Because interacting with people I care about, for some reason, becomes 'work', too, in my mind; it becomes stressful (I'm sure it is to everyone, really, to some degree, but most people seem to be better at dealing with it than I am), and I can only do so much of it before I need to run. For a while.
(I know I've said that before, or something like it, recently.)
So the last week and a half (or the last two weeks? My sense of time gets screwed up, too, when I get like this) I've been running (which means: turning inwards; reading; writing; drawing; taking walks around the neighbourhood; even hanging out at internet message boards because that's kind of... inconsequential; but not: meeting or phoning or e-mailing people I really care about.) And now work has become so pressing that I *actually* don't have the time to do my catching up, all thanks to my feverish procrastination of the past so-and-so-many weeks.
All right. Twenty past. I need to get working now.
See you tomorrow.
Okay, here's an experiment. It's a little past ten p.m. I usually get tired around 3 a.m. Let's see if I can get five solid hours of (uni) work in for once. If I manage *that* I'll allow myself an hour of catching up tomorrow. There are a few people whose LJs I've been afraid to check, recently, because I'm a coward and I think you may need me and I don't know what to do.
I'm sorry guys. It's not even that I'm too busy to keep in touch, exactly, though by rights I should be. I should have been so busy these last couple of months.
It's... complicated. It's my brain making excuses (mostly subconscious ones, at that) to procrastinate, both when I need to work *and* when I need to do things to... keep in touch. Because interacting with people I care about, for some reason, becomes 'work', too, in my mind; it becomes stressful (I'm sure it is to everyone, really, to some degree, but most people seem to be better at dealing with it than I am), and I can only do so much of it before I need to run. For a while.
(I know I've said that before, or something like it, recently.)
So the last week and a half (or the last two weeks? My sense of time gets screwed up, too, when I get like this) I've been running (which means: turning inwards; reading; writing; drawing; taking walks around the neighbourhood; even hanging out at internet message boards because that's kind of... inconsequential; but not: meeting or phoning or e-mailing people I really care about.) And now work has become so pressing that I *actually* don't have the time to do my catching up, all thanks to my feverish procrastination of the past so-and-so-many weeks.
All right. Twenty past. I need to get working now.
See you tomorrow.
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Ooooh.
Gah! I should be working! Bad Hmpf! Bad Hmpf!
*slinks away*
Re: Ooooh.
Get back to working. :P
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Honestly? If I feel like I needed to talk to you about something specifically? I'm probably send you an email with lots of CAPS LOCK AND EXCLAMATION MARKS!!! in the subject line. Short of that, I honestly don't mind if you skip through posts of mine. I empathise with your desire to give attention to your friends remarks and take time to respond thoughtfully, but you *are* allowed to jump back into my LJ anytime you feel.
Also, It's... complicated. It's my brain making excuses (mostly subconscious ones, at that) to procrastinate, both when I need to work *and* when I need to do things to... keep in touch. Because interacting with people I care about, for some reason, becomes 'work', too, in my mind; it becomes stressful (I'm sure it is to everyone, really, to some degree, but most people seem to be better at dealing with it than I am), and I can only do so much of it before I need to run. For a while.
Yes. I feel like that a lot too.
That said, I am going to reply to your email soon. :)
If our occasionally erratic communications bothered me at all, would I still be here? I'm responsible for them too, and I think we do a good job of keeping in touch. From where I'm standing it looks like you have a lot of friends who feel the same way.
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Ich muss mich da echt auch an die eigene Nase fassen, nachdem ich diesen Monat schon wieder nicht zum Stammtisch kommen werde (Jahreshauptversammlung vom Verein) und nächsten Monat wird das eher auch nix.
Also bitte, wann habe ich denn mal Zeit für Freunde? Für Dich?
Mach Dir keinen Kopf, wenns wirklich brennt, don't hesitate to give me a call. (sorry, hier wird gerade sehr laut englisch gesprochen, ich kriege gerade einen lingualen Knoten im Hirn)
LJ cut to your needs
I'm sure there is a schematic somewhere that shows how to deal with the struggle of Real life vs On-line life.
If there isn't, I might be able to whip one up.
Simply put: what hurts the most, should be dealt with first.
To me, comments about me not updating my journal or not feeling with some person because of their post don't hurt. It doesn't bleed...
Not passing an exam because of lack of study hurts. You affect your future in a major way if you go slack there...
I don't update my journal too much, because I don't have time for it.
If there's something really important for people to know, I prefer e-mail...
Take your time.
Well, I guess I know how you feel. We'll meet in Procrastination Hell (I know I'll be there).