hmpf: Show of my heart (angsty)
hmpf ([personal profile] hmpf) wrote2006-09-27 10:01 pm

Apology. Yet another variation.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, all you people I love and keep failing. (And the ones I don't know as well but sorta like, too.) I *was* doing well about catching up, and then I... slipped. Again. And here I am, standing in the tracks watching the disappearing train, with a thousand other things demanding my attention.

Okay, here's an experiment. It's a little past ten p.m. I usually get tired around 3 a.m. Let's see if I can get five solid hours of (uni) work in for once. If I manage *that* I'll allow myself an hour of catching up tomorrow. There are a few people whose LJs I've been afraid to check, recently, because I'm a coward and I think you may need me and I don't know what to do.

I'm sorry guys. It's not even that I'm too busy to keep in touch, exactly, though by rights I should be. I should have been so busy these last couple of months.

It's... complicated. It's my brain making excuses (mostly subconscious ones, at that) to procrastinate, both when I need to work *and* when I need to do things to... keep in touch. Because interacting with people I care about, for some reason, becomes 'work', too, in my mind; it becomes stressful (I'm sure it is to everyone, really, to some degree, but most people seem to be better at dealing with it than I am), and I can only do so much of it before I need to run. For a while.

(I know I've said that before, or something like it, recently.)

So the last week and a half (or the last two weeks? My sense of time gets screwed up, too, when I get like this) I've been running (which means: turning inwards; reading; writing; drawing; taking walks around the neighbourhood; even hanging out at internet message boards because that's kind of... inconsequential; but not: meeting or phoning or e-mailing people I really care about.) And now work has become so pressing that I *actually* don't have the time to do my catching up, all thanks to my feverish procrastination of the past so-and-so-many weeks.

All right. Twenty past. I need to get working now.

See you tomorrow.

[identity profile] nick-101.livejournal.com 2006-09-27 08:40 pm (UTC)(link)
*ninja-hugs*

Ooooh.

[identity profile] hmpf.livejournal.com 2006-09-27 08:42 pm (UTC)(link)
Is that a special ninja attack move? ;-)

Gah! I should be working! Bad Hmpf! Bad Hmpf!

*slinks away*

Re: Ooooh.

[identity profile] nick-101.livejournal.com 2006-09-27 08:46 pm (UTC)(link)
Attack? Nah, just a very sneaky hug.

Get back to working. :P

[identity profile] tiniago.livejournal.com 2006-09-27 09:53 pm (UTC)(link)
DARLING I LOVE YOU. And I do that too. Alll of that. Take consolation in the fact that I am undoubtedly going to a deeper circle of LJ hell than you. GOOD LUCK WITH THE CATCHING UP. Do not make with the stress. ♥ ♥ ♥

[identity profile] elliejane.livejournal.com 2006-09-27 11:19 pm (UTC)(link)
I have to say I empathise totally. I suck at keeping up and commenting and such, though I try to do better. But I REALLY, REALLY do empathise, and heck, it's just nice to see you are alive, and also heck, I don't even post that much in my journal so no need to catch up there, lol. The last thing I wrote was an SG1 ficlet, so I don't think it'd be your thing anways ;)

[identity profile] beccatoria.livejournal.com 2006-09-28 07:21 am (UTC)(link)
Listen - there are about a million things more important to me than a comment from you re: my latest crazy story about a Han Solo Cardboard Cutout. One of them is you *not beating yourself up about it*. Another one is you not feeling crappy.

Honestly? If I feel like I needed to talk to you about something specifically? I'm probably send you an email with lots of CAPS LOCK AND EXCLAMATION MARKS!!! in the subject line. Short of that, I honestly don't mind if you skip through posts of mine. I empathise with your desire to give attention to your friends remarks and take time to respond thoughtfully, but you *are* allowed to jump back into my LJ anytime you feel.

Also, It's... complicated. It's my brain making excuses (mostly subconscious ones, at that) to procrastinate, both when I need to work *and* when I need to do things to... keep in touch. Because interacting with people I care about, for some reason, becomes 'work', too, in my mind; it becomes stressful (I'm sure it is to everyone, really, to some degree, but most people seem to be better at dealing with it than I am), and I can only do so much of it before I need to run. For a while.

Yes. I feel like that a lot too.

That said, I am going to reply to your email soon. :)

If our occasionally erratic communications bothered me at all, would I still be here? I'm responsible for them too, and I think we do a good job of keeping in touch. From where I'm standing it looks like you have a lot of friends who feel the same way.

[identity profile] dashan.livejournal.com 2006-09-28 07:41 am (UTC)(link)
Okay, ich fühle mich auch einfach mal angesprochen.
Ich muss mich da echt auch an die eigene Nase fassen, nachdem ich diesen Monat schon wieder nicht zum Stammtisch kommen werde (Jahreshauptversammlung vom Verein) und nächsten Monat wird das eher auch nix.

Also bitte, wann habe ich denn mal Zeit für Freunde? Für Dich?

Mach Dir keinen Kopf, wenns wirklich brennt, don't hesitate to give me a call. (sorry, hier wird gerade sehr laut englisch gesprochen, ich kriege gerade einen lingualen Knoten im Hirn)

LJ cut to your needs

[identity profile] goatgod.livejournal.com 2006-09-28 11:34 am (UTC)(link)
*Klingon hugs* (there's no word for hug or embrace!!! w00t???)

I'm sure there is a schematic somewhere that shows how to deal with the struggle of Real life vs On-line life.
If there isn't, I might be able to whip one up.

Simply put: what hurts the most, should be dealt with first.
To me, comments about me not updating my journal or not feeling with some person because of their post don't hurt. It doesn't bleed...
Not passing an exam because of lack of study hurts. You affect your future in a major way if you go slack there...

I don't update my journal too much, because I don't have time for it.
If there's something really important for people to know, I prefer e-mail...

Take your time.

[identity profile] tgifa.livejournal.com 2006-09-29 01:16 am (UTC)(link)
*hugs*

Well, I guess I know how you feel. We'll meet in Procrastination Hell (I know I'll be there).