A Report From the Real World (and some notes on writing)

[hmpf]

I currently spend my days mostly in the libary. Not just any library, mind you, but a specialised, archaeological library that happens to be situated in the city where I live - and a good thing it is, too, 'cause I wouldn't know where to find the literature for the paper I'm working on. The university library doesn't have it, and neither does the library where I work, because all the literature happens to be Spanish, and we only have German stuff.

It's such a strange library, compared to university libraries. Small, and every piece of furniture in it seems to date from the 1950s. The building is from the same era and has a sober-yet-moderately-prosperous fifties feel to it. To me, it feels as if every day I go half a century back in time in the morning, and forward in time again in the afternoon when I go home.

Also, the library's full of archaeologists. Now, that's hardly surprising in an archaeological library, but I'm used to libraries full of students, and while there are students in this one, too, of course - me, for starters - they don't dominate, or so it seems. Maybe it's just the 1950s respectability that rubs off on them.

And the people who are there, be they young or old, give off an impression of *living* there. Everybody seems to know each other, and the whole place simply seems inhabited. University libraries rarely do.

So, yeah. Interesting experience. Let's see if I can manage to get there earlier tomorrow, so I can get a full nine hours of work in. I really do need the time - reading Spanish takes me about ten times as long as reading German or English does.

***

And, writing:

Obviously, I haven't had the time to write in the last few days (see above), but I think I'm going to allow myself an hour or two now, before I get back to uni work.

You could say that recently I've 'experimented' a bit with constructive criticism. That is to say, I've been experimenting with giving it. (Until relatively recently I felt a bit too insecure of my own skills as a writer to dare to criticise anyone - especially people of a higher general level of skill than me.) As a result, I now have two stories to beta... I see now why people are so reluctant to give constructive criticism: it all too easily degenerates into work! *g* (Yes, those two stories are in German. I wouldn't presume to be able to beta anything in a language not my own. Writing in English is, oddly enough, a lot less challenging than beta reading in English.)

In accordance with the laws of karma I have also *received* constructive criticism, i.e. honest and perceptive beta remarks, which is, on the one hand, simply great. This is the kind of beta I've been hoping for for years, and I expect the story to improve considerably due to it. On the other hand, it is, of course, intensely embarrassing. Seeing everything you did wrong pointed out is a bit like being caught naked in public, and it's all the worse, in this case, because the story has been available to the public in an even worse form than the one I just had beta'd for five and a half years. Which, metaphorically speaking, means that I've been standing around naked in public for five and a half years. And I still am standing around naked in public in places like Seventh Dimension and fanfiction.net, where the old version is still available. *g*

Beyond the 'standing around naked in public' issue, though, I am seriously spooked by just *how* many Really Bad Things I overlooked even in my recent obsessive rewriting sessions. Now, I'm pretty certain I wouldn't make those kinds of mistakes (of characterisation, of internal logic, etc.) in a new story. I think I *am* a better writer now than I was five years ago. But still, that they were invisible to me even today just because at the time of the story's conception, more than five years ago, the story 'made sense in my head', that's a bit disconcerting.

Comments

[ommadon.livejournal.com]

1950's libraries full of Spanish books? You Germans really do have everything don't you?

Oh, not just Spanish.

[hmpf.livejournal.com]

All kinds of languages. It belongs to a branch of the German Archaeological Institute. I'm lucky, living where I do - neither that library nor the library where I work two days a week are ones you'd find anywhere else. All kinds of central German institutions are located here, and that's a really useful thing for students.

[unovis-lj.livejournal.com]

I don't know if this works for anyone other than me -- I've found that when I'm trying something new (new to me, at least), I'm happier working without a beta initially. The benefits of doing what I want with the larger picture outweigh the embarassment of smaller technical flaws. Once something is up and out, criticism is more useful. It's easier to tell what should be changed and what can stand on its own. This isn't the way it's supposed to work, and wouldn't be practical for stories going out for print publication, but it functions, for me, for stories first appearing on LJ before being archived.

Everybody needs an editor. It's impossible to spot some things on your own no matter how experienced you are. Sometimes, though, getting it out and done is the first priority, and then seeing what you can do to make it better.

I never get a beta before I feel I've finished a story.

[hmpf.livejournal.com]

"Normal", my most recent finished story (Farscape; posted some way down around here, or on my website, in case you're interested) took three years before it saw a beta.

But the story I just had beta'd - by the wonderful amonitrate - has been finished for a long time; I posted it originally in August 2000. (And I wish I had gotten a good beta back then. Instead, I didn't get any beta at all, for a long time, because it was a Lyric Wheel story, and they're not supposed to be beta'd.)

What I'd been revising recently were mostly small stylistic flaws. The huge flaws of characterisation and logic, however, were invisible to me, and that's the scary thing. I think I'm pretty sensitive to out-of-characterness and logic flaws in other people's writing; arguably, hopefully, also in my own, more recent writing. (I really, really hope so.) But somehow that story - perhaps by virtue of being one of the oldest - always made sense in my head, even where it didn't (like, for example, parts of the characterisation).

Part of the problem is a failure on my part to show the reader enough background in a few instances, and part of it is my old inability - much less severe now, but by no means conquered - of writing *anybody* not sounding/feeling like *me*. Not exactly self-insertion, but rather, perhaps, a failure to 'get out of my own head' while writing... And the latter, in particular, is a scary thing to realise, 'cause if I didn't notice it here, then perhaps I'm not noticing it elsewhere, either?

Eh. Sorry for the angsty rambling non-reply. Yeah, anyway... I agree, getting a beta during the writing process usually doesn't help much. (Unless you're really badly stuck and need a fresh perspective or something. But then, what you need is more like a midwife than a beta.)

Re: I never get a beta before I feel I've finished a story.

[amonitrate.livejournal.com]

Hey, you're being waaay too hard on yourself! It's a great story, and the things I pointed out aren't major fixes. Just a few words here and there. Plus, the great thing about having a beta reader is that you can ignore whatever you want. That's your right, as the author. And I won't be offended. Beta readers give you their opinion, and you have to take it with a grain of salt.

I'm having a similar experience, had someone look at "Last Enemy" and she pointed out a few things that I agree with and that aren't really easily fixable without changing the whole story dynamic. And you know what, sometimes you just have to chalk it up to experience and remember it for next time. Because the piece might be succeed as an organic whole as it is, and if you tinker too much with it trying to fit it to the beta's vision, it will all fall apart.

Thanks for sharing your thought process. Sometimes it feels like I'm the only one with these feelings.

PS I don't think you need to give much more background. Some of those questions I had were my curiousity and don't need to be in the story for it to work.

It wasn't the characterization that was off, at the heart. Just doubts about whether I thought a character would express things the way they did in isolated parts. Overall the characterization is spot on. But we all view the characters differently, so you don't have to accept my interpretations...

Don't worry.

[hmpf.livejournal.com]

>Hey, you're being waaay too hard on yourself!

Ah, but I'm always speaking as a perfectionist, you know? I *know* the flaws aren't *that* massive. But, *any* flaw is a huge flaw to me. And flaws of characterisation (and speaking in a way that does not fit the character in that situations *is* a flaw of characterisation) are the worst kind of mistakes you can make in fanfic. IMO.

>Plus, the great thing about having a beta reader is that you can ignore whatever you want.

Oh, I'm good at that - I have my own mind, but I weigh a beta's suggestions carefully, and more often than not I agree with them, at least since I found the 'right' betas. It's taken me a long time to find betas I'm *really* happy with (and yes, you're one of them, in case you're wondering, and I'm never going to let you go! Mwaahahahaaa! ;-)) because I felt I needed people whose ideas of writing and of the characters were similar enough to mine for them to spot exactly the kind of thing *I* would find distracting or annoying in a fic.

>That's your right, as the author. And I won't be offended. Beta readers give you their opinion, and you have to take it with a grain of salt.

I know. And I do. And I probably will reject a few of your suggestions. But quite a few of them are spot on, and in some cases it's just a bit scary how I could miss these things for so many years.

>I'm having a similar experience, had someone look at "Last Enemy" and she pointed out a few things that I agree with and that aren't really easily fixable without changing the whole story dynamic.

Eeek. What things, if I may ask? You know, sometimes you need a second opinion, too... (or a third)... ;-)

>And you know what, sometimes you just have to chalk it up to experience and remember it for next time. Because the piece might be succeed as an organic whole as it is, and if you tinker too much with it trying to fit it to the beta's vision, it will all fall apart.

Definitely. But I'm not trying to fit it to the betas vision. I'm trying to fit it to my own. And, this may be different for different writers, but I've never yet reached a point of 'too much tinkering'. I've tinkered with "Endure" for more than two years, and with "Normal" for almost exactly three years, and those are the two stories I'm happiest with out of all my stories. I think I'm a natural tinkerer. ;-)

>Thanks for sharing your thought process. Sometimes it feels like I'm the only one with these feelings.

Oh, I'd be willing to bet most writers know these.

>PS I don't think you need to give much more background.

No, not much more. Just a little, in a couple of cases. Maybe just a word here or there. This will take some pondering, before I start tinkering, though. ;-)

Some of those questions I had were my curiousity and don't need to be in the story for it to work.

>It wasn't the characterization that was off, at the heart.

Oh, not at the heart, no. But small things can take a reader right out of the story, at least if that reader is me, and I suspect I'm not the only one. So the small things need to be fixed. And I think I can do it, you know... even if it takes a couple more weeks or months of thinking and... tinkering. ;-)

>Just doubts about whether I thought a character would express things the way they did in isolated parts. Overall the characterization is spot on. But we all view the characters differently, so you don't have to accept my interpretations...

Which reminds me I meant to write a meta post about Methos characterisation... *sigh*

Re: Don't worry.

[amonitrate.livejournal.com]

I'm all over a Methos-characterization-discussion.

I'm glad my beta-ing was okay, it was my first time. I was afraid I'd been too picky! Call on me anytime, my life is pretty simple right now.

Re: Don't worry.

[keerawa.livejournal.com]

Which reminds me I meant to write a meta post about Methos characterisation

Ooh, please do! I'm trying to write Methos right now. No, really, right now this very minute. He scares me, so I ran away to LJ land. I mean, even Adam Pierson is tough to write dialogue for, and then you have all those layers. Plus, writing a character who IMHO views lying as a sort of entertaining competitive sport makes me tear my hair out.

So please, create this meta post so that I can hear everyone else's brilliant ideas.