Back home...

[hmpf]

... and ready to dig myself out from under this mountain of guilt etc.

Unfortunately, my laptop just died. *Before* I could transfer three months worth of data back from it to my main computer, of course. That includes all my unanswered mail of the last three months, a significant source of guilt.

*sigh*

Comments

[beccatoria.livejournal.com]

Well then, that's one less thing to feel guilty about! :D Can't do anything about it now! *hugs*

Hey there.

[hmpf.livejournal.com]

I'm gearing up for the LJ catch-up now, this time for real. ;-)

And probably I should try to vanquish my telephonophobia tomorrow and actually call some old neglected (local) friends. And once I'm done calling everybody around here I should find a way to actually use Skype, so I could - possibly - talk to you...

I *really* need to get on this task of saving what's left of my relationships with people I care about, NOW. There's no excuses anymore - no internships, no uni, no thesis, not even a part-time job (at the moment). And I've been feeling completely rotten about my behaviour towards my friends (and family) for far, far, far too long. (Don't try to reassure me - I don't need reassurances. I need a change in my own behaviour. Now.)

Re: Hey there.

[diotimah.livejournal.com]

Sorry about your laptop worries - I know how frustrating that is ... Anyway, I'll keep my fingers crossed that at least it will be possible to save your data.:)

As for the energy it takes you keep in touch, and your the guilty feelings about it: has it ever occured to you that this might not be a flaw in your character, but something 'hard-wired in your personality? I recently had a go at an online 'Aspie-Quiz' (http://www.rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php), and found the result quite revealing.;)

Of course.

[hmpf.livejournal.com]

That doesn't change a thing, though. I need friends; people I('d like to call) friends need me. I need to learn to deal with that. For all my defects, I'm still a social animal; I need to learn to behave like one.

(Man, I love this icon.)

[hmpf.livejournal.com]

/shallow

Re: (Man, I love this icon.)

[diotimah.livejournal.com]

Oh, indeed. He's gorgeous.;)

Re: Of course.

[diotimah.livejournal.com]

For all my defects, I'm still a social animal; I need to learn to behave like one.

Of course. Being autistic doesn't mean you can do *completely* without friendship and human interaction. Only that it's sometimes "draining" (you can take only so much, even if you like the person), and that you usually have a problem with dealing with people in group situations. Unfortunately, there are so many clichés around, meaning that usually you can't even admit it, because people either won't believe you in the first place or don't take you seriously any longer.

For years, I had suspected I might have autistic tendencies, but always dismissed it because it seemed too "extreme". It does explain *a lot*, though. And while, of course, it's not an "excuse" for anything, being aware of it has helped me to better understand others as well as myself.;)