hmpf: (best angst ever)
Farscape. John-centric. Vignette/ficlet (ca. 1000 words). Angst (naturally).

Dead Man's Jacket

Let me know if there are any language/style issues - I made some changes after I ran it past my wonderful beta beccatoria, so there *may* be problems that were introduced due to my meddling with it after the betaing.
hmpf: (angsty)
Something potentially very interesting just happened to two of my pointless leftover FS bunnies from 2004. I think it's killed them dead, but that's fine, because I also think they'll be resurrected, in a similar but much less pointless form, as parts of a larger fic whose vague outlines just revealed themselves to me. Suddenly there's a possibility for some sort of progression and hence, an actual story, there. So, yay.

Alas, it's also a lot more challenging than the two pointless snippets were, so it may be a while... a long while.

But then, you're used to that from me, aren't you? *g*

(ETA: on the upside: by combining these two bunnies into one, I'm effectively reducing my To Do list by one! Go me!! :D)


Totally overdosed on season one with my new scapee yesterday night - until sometime after four a.m., in fact. And with the other friend with whom I've been watching FS for the past several years I'm about to reach the end; we're right in the middle of the Kansas/Terra Firma/Constellation of Doubt cluster of eps, and will probably finish the show in our next session. I guess between those S4 eps and heavy exposure to S1!John I'm in a mood quite conducive to working on FS fic, as all of this is really throwing all of John's home and alienation issues into very sharp relief, and those are my major theme.
hmpf: (best angst ever)
The TBFC is still the coolest fan event I've experienced. (Yes, including my one and so far only Worldcon. Though that was pretty great, too.)

For some bizarre reason, there are few things more relaxing than falling asleep in a sleeping bag on an inflatable mattress in front of an ep of Farscape (or something else) that's being projected onto a wall at half past two a.m. Never mind that sleeping bags are never particularly comfortable, and neither are inflatable mattresses; never mind that in any other situation it would be impossible to sleep through the kind of noise produced by a subwoofer etc., not to mention the guy snoring merrily away two mattresses over from yours. Both nights I spent there I fell asleep with the most extraordinary feeling of peace and contentment.

Which is, probably, a slightly odd thing to feel while watching/falling asleep during the more angsty and dramatic eps of Farscape - but there it is. It's largely due to the company, I think.

Farscape is, of course, still *the* best at delivering 'my' kind of angst. Oh John. *hugs her astronut*

We fell asleep to Liars, Guns and Money yesterday, which is pretty much the apex of Scorpy-induced John!angst. John, pulling a gun on Stark. John, trying to put the explodey stuff on the cooling rod, talking to himself, swatting at the voices in his head. John confronting Scorpy, defying him with a desperate joke, shaking and contorted with the effort of even that much resistance, then crawling away singing. (Seeing a clip of that scene in English, back in 2000 or 2001, was what made me realise I really needed to see this show in its original language - there was no way the German dubbing could have captured the mix of despair and defiance in Ben Browder's voice.)

And that's just the first ep of the three-parter, of course. In the third part, we actually see the exact moment John breaks - in the middle of a firefight, after a last act of resistance, an inarticulate scream and some helpless gun-pointing. There's a point at which he just stops: stops screaming, lowers the gun, and just stands there, right in the line of fire - blood trickling from his nose, a terrifying sign that there is something very wrong indeed inside his brain... Aeryn has to bodily push him away to save his life, and for the rest of the firefight he sits by the side looking dazed and empty, the blood from his nose now copious, while gorgeous, deadly Aeryn defends him from Scorpius's peacekeepers with her big gun.

Oh, John.

(And no, the gender-bending symbols in that scene are not of my invention, they're in there all right. That's Farscape for you. The woman shoots; the man bleeds. And this is not an anime nosebleed.)


Oct. 27th, 2009 02:23 am
hmpf: (angsty)
Oh, John. Oh, Farscape.

So many kinds of angst.

hmpf: (Default)

A vid about Farscape's central relationship pentagon: John/Scorpius/Guns/Wormholes/Aeryn

I will be reccing this at fs_10percent... later. As in, next week, possibly. First I need to watch it another twenty times or so, so as to understand all the facets, and then I have to do some Greenpeace stuff, and reinstall my system, and so on. I don't think I'll have the leisure for a proper rec this week.

(ETA: I should perhaps add that me having to reinstall my system has nothing to do with me having watched this vid. *g* My system's been borked for a few weeks now, and I hope a computer-savvy friend of mine will have some time to help me restore it to full functionality this weekend.)
hmpf: (angsty)
In my (glacier-slow) quest of catching up with fic in [ profile] lifein1973 (another thing I do when I'm at work *g*) I got to [ profile] amy_wolf's "No" today. It's an interesting fic that makes the argument that Joni actually raped Sam. I'm not sure I agree, but this is tricky terrain, so I don't think I should be too sure of my own responses. I do have some arguments for my - tentative - view that it probably wasn't rape, though:

Rape or no rape? )


Farscape and rape )


If it's true that shared pain is lessened, these two really need to meet... )
hmpf: (Default)

"Hi... honey. Guess what I did at work today. I wore a bomb... a nuclear bomb, in a field of flowers... I could get lucky; tomorrow I could have a bigger bomb... I could kill... more people... Maybe they'll be innocent people... Children, maybe."

(John, We're So Screwed part 3, tag scene.)

God, it's time this happened, high time. I've been waiting for this since season two, or at the very least since season three, since they blew up the Command Carrier, accepting hundreds of casualties. In ep 4.20, the acknowledgement that they've turned into terrorists; in this ep, 4.21, an open display of guilt, at last. Thank God, John is not yet dead inside, not completely. We've been aware of the gradual hardening, the gradual deadening of his feelings literally for years now; seen it in his face, in his eyes, in the ease with which he draws Winona and handles ever bigger guns. There were moments - A Constellation of Doubt comes to mind - when it seemed that the only thing he could still feel anything for was Aeryn. Now, finally, we get to see John taking a metaphorical look into the mirror. And he sees there what we have been seeing all this time - that in the last three years he has lost much more than just his home and his mind.
What will he do about it? Is there anything he can do about it? It may be an effect of his extended stay in the Uncharted Territories that he will simply have to accept. At least being aware of it now may enable him to keep some of his humanity, maybe. But he can't go back to who he was, he can't shed his survival instincts (and methods) - it would effectively mean committing suicide, something that I still can't see him doing, especially not in the light of Aeryn's pregnancy. Although... to rid the universe of wormhole knowledge, he just *might*... Yeah, I think he might. But I don't think they will be doing that to us in 4.22.

I feel so grateful. Sure, the season had a fair share of flaws - maybe more than a fair share. But many, many things that bothered me have been resolved, many things that I've been waiting for have been given to us. The resurrection of Harvey - much more believable than his quick dispatch in 4.05; John's guilt finally catching up with him; the whole Earth arc... even small stuff like D'Argo and Chiana finally getting together again... not to mention pure 'fan service' like the revelation of the true name of DK and Braca's first name! (I went 'Braca has a first name?!?!?!' - I was completely shocked. *g*) BTW, Braca totally rocked in this ep...

A side note. About the elevator going sideways... Does anybody agree that the cryptic remark of 'John Headroom' in John Quixote about 'going sideways... just... sideways' was a bit of - admittedly useless, but nevertheless fun - foreshadowing? *g*

I love this show. I love it to bits. I love it so much it hurts.
hmpf: (Default)
Should have included a spoiler warning in my last post, too. Sorry.

Before I begin to gush, here's a little link for Kiki:
Does that answer your question? ;-) Thanks for the update from Real Life, btw.

And, speaking of Real Life, spending four hours in the same room as my Spanish teacher every day is entirely too much. It's a good thing the week is almost over - we change teachers every week. I really, really, really don't need a crush now.

And now for a teeny tiny bit of FS gushing.

Oh. My. God. This ep was perfect. Way too much to mention here now, 'cause I can't afford to go to bed as late as yesterday tonight. So, just a few notes.

- The thermonuclear bomb. It's like a neanderthal planning to hit a space age man over the head with a large rock - crude, but effective, and it might just work, as long as you have the surprise on your side. But, god, John must be desperate to walk around with a nuclear bomb(!!!!!!!!!! I'm running out of exclamation marks here!) wired to his heartbeat! Two quotes come to mind:

"My plans suck." (John, Twice Shy)

"This plan is so stupid, it has to be ours." (D'Argo, don't remember which ep)

Yes indeed, but that's why we love you guys. ;-)

- the 'America' speech. Wow. What's with all the open political commentary this season? Have the writers finally lost control of their inner liberal? ;-) Democracy and Capitalism. Heh. Maybe FS was cancelled because it didn't fit the current political agenda. Break out the conspiracy theories!
Also loved the reactions to John's little performance:
Some guy: "He's crazy!"
Aeryn: "Isn't it fun?"

- John and Aeryn in the elevator. *Hmpf melts for the second time in three days due to a shippy scene*
That just may have been the most romantic Farscape scene ever, for me, and that's saying a *lot*. It was *beautiful*.
And all that with an atomic bomb wired to John. What a uniquely Farscape-like situation to get shippy in.

- John and Aeryn bickering about who should kill Scorpy. Both of them, somehow, finding themselves unable to do it. Great stuff.

As much as it hurts to lose the show now, I'm immensely glad that the second half of the season has such a high number of truly great eps. There's something to be said for going out on a bang, not a whimper.

And besides, of course, we're going to get our show back. We *are*. I know it. :-)

hmpf: (Default)
The most important thing first. (This is *my* journal, so -- *my* priorities. Even if they make sense to no one but me and the 2,559 posters on Frell Me Dead.) The most important thing is this: I'm depressed. Not too severely, but nevertheless. Watched 'We're So Screwed pt.1: Fetal Attraction' yesterday with Kadira (gotta love those ep titles), and it's a frelling fantastic ep. Damn, I love this show. And I can't help myself, I just love it when John goes totally badass. Love it in a sick way, because somehow it's all *wrong* for him to be that way, and yet... he's only survived because he's discovered he can be as tough as they come, so how wrong can it be? He had no choice with all the dren the universe (or, more precisely, sadistic script writers) kept throwing at him but to learn how to kick butt. And part of the sick thrill of watching John kick butt is that nagging memory at the back of my mind of the soft, naive, friendly and innocent John of season one. The discrepancy between the two is so incredible, and yet has been growing so slowly and believably. Which is precisely why I love the writers, actors, etc. of Farscape. I've never seen better character development on TV than on this show.

And then there's Aeryn. For once not rescuing John but being rescued by him. A distressingly weak Aeryn. For some reason this ep's torture scenes, short as they were, had a more profoundly distressing effect on me than the whole of 'Prayer' had. Don't know what was wrong with that, but somehow 'Prayer' didn't get to me as it should have. Well, but 'Fetal Attraction' did, oh yes. Especially the hallucinations in the beginning. Very, very painful.
The fandom is pretty divided over Aeryn at the moment, it seems. I don't read many blogs or forums, but a friend supplies me occasionally with stuff she considers worthwhile... Well, most people seem to agree that This Is Not Our Aeryn Anymore. Some take this quite literally, suggesting that the bioloid might have been on board Moya a lot longer than just since BHTB. Some just say it's inconsistent writing. Well, I dunno. I'm reasonably sure that, at least physically, it *is* our Aeryn all right. And all the strange changes in her behaviour I still tend to explain by reference to her months-long absence from Moya at the beginning of the season. We still don't know what happened there - and chances are we won't, not for a long time, anyway.

Other notes: obviously, I need to watch the ep again (and again and again and again and again... you know how it is), but a few things that struck me:

- Noranti and Rygel: very touching scene, between these two unlikely charactes. Only Farscape could have a truly touching scene between a two foot high greenish-grey (and peeling!) Muppet and a shriveled old woman with three eyes and monstrous ears. Incredible.

- D'Argo and Chiana: okay, I'm not a shipper, not by a long shot, but can I just go 'wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!' here for a moment???

- D'Argo has grown on me a *lot*. Also, he seems to be seriously growing up.

- Chiana never needed to grow on me, loved her from the beginning.

- Sikozu's people. Great, understated culture building there. Just a few hints here and there...

- Colour direction. Every FS ep seems to have its own colour. This one was sort of a brownish red.

- John/Aeryn shippiness: Let me repeat it: I am *not* a shipper. But seeing John sitting on the floor besides Aeryn's bed, sleeping, exhausted, leaning his head against the bed, and her stroking him ever so gently...... -- *melts*

- But my joy at the intensity of that moment is nothing compared to my happiness about the return of Harvey. Hezmana, I'm evil. I'm actually *happy* to see yet another stress factor resurface in John's already not exactly easy life! *g* But it's hard not to enjoy the interaction between the two, and the weird forms their enounters take on -- 'I am the undead!' *snort*.
And, frell, it's hard not to be fascinated by John's ongoing struggle with madness. I'm not sure I want to know what that says about me, but... there it is. Everybody who knows me a bit knows that I was frustrated when they seemed to remove the Harvey problem so easily in 'Promises'. Felt like a cop-out to me. I'm glad it turned out to be just a ruse.

I still can't believe that, if Skiffy have their way, there's only three more eps to go, and all those intriguing plot lines will be left dangling. Frell you, Skiffy. (Sorry, needed that.)


All right, change of topic. The second most important thing in my life at the moment is of course the Spanish course. I've sort of caught up with the rest of the class now, and am feeling pretty good. I have to take care not to develop a crush for my teacher, though. He's kind of... hmmmm. Cute? Not really, but I like him. ´s far as I know him, which is not very far.

Which reminds me I should write a bit faster, 'cause I still have my 'deberes' to do.


Okay. Next topic. Miles Vorkosigan. The other man in my life right now, courtesy of Lois McMaster Bujold. (LOL.) I don't feel like going into details here and now, as it's not yet an obsession, but I must say, the books are fun. Great fun. I'm not much for military SF, usually, but this series is interesting because of its characters and a nicely ironic touch, and the hero is such an unusual character that he's really almost the antithesis of the typical hero. But why the frell do strong women always have to have red hair??? ;-)


Birmingham update: Told the foreign students' office that I would like to go there this autumn, and got a very encouraging reply that basically said that usually, once you're there, funds can be found to make a second semester possible. So, there's definitely hope for a whole year yet. :-)


And finally, it looks like I will be doing some kind of presentation at this year's DortCon, in about three and a half weeks. It requires me to go directly to Dortmund from Barcelona, to speak to a probably tiny audience, but hey, the things I'm doing for Farscape...
You ask why I'm doing this? Well, same answer as the nasty answer from Aeryn's goddess: because I can. - And because it's important to me that the fandom survives and spreads, as much as possible, under these difficult conditions, because I still believe that fandom can be an important power in making a future for the show possible. So, it's simple, really. I think something needs to be done; I feel like I can do it, and that probably no one will do it if I don't do it myself, and hence, I do it. And that's that.)

Okay, and now off to my homeworks and then to bed.

April 2016

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