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... the job in question having been outsourced. WTF guys, why did you advertise it in the first place, if you were about to outsource it?
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Now I remember why I dislike online job seeking portals. They force you to choose one particular field of employment, from a very short list (ca. 20 fields) that invariably doesn't contain neither what I've done so far, nor what I could see myself doing in the future. How am I supposed to fulfil that requirement? Especially when I'm not really looking for a job in one particular, narrow field? I want my CV to be visible to potential employers who are interested in the "knows English and can type" side of myself as well as potential employers who are interested in the "knows how to work metal" side...
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Just got an invitation for an interview for the three to six-year university position for which I made my Ph.D. proposal thingie in the last few weeks.


(Also, wtf am I doing right, now, that I apparently did wrong the 1.5 years before?)



hmpf: (angsty)
Complete, unmitigated disaster. Presented myself from my most socially incompetent (etc.) side, and in the course of that managed to appear fairly incompetent in every other way, too - incompetent to use my native language, even! I operated under a near-complete blackout - couldn't remember the names of authors I know well, couldn't describe what I'd done in my M.A. thesis, couldn't describe my experience with New Media... etc.

I'll bury my mortification under a load of Doctor Who now.


PS: Thanks to everyone - especially diotimah, who truly went above and beyond! - who helped me with the Ph.D. thing and related questions recently! <3

(This is not related, I just thought that, now that I can sort of... decompress, finally, I should take a moment to say thanks. I didn't, before, because the Ph.D. thing combined with the (useless) preparations for the interview took up all my time/energy.)
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Was ist die bessere Anrede:

Sehr geehrte Frau Professorin Müller


Sehr geehrte Frau Professor Müller?
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I really will be a full day late with this. Or rather, the e-mail version (they want both an e-mail version and a paper version) will be on time, but the paper version won't. :-(
hmpf: (angsty)
Which means I won't have time to do all the reading I was planning to do.

Double gah.
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Tomorrow is absolutely the last day I can spend on that Ph.D. thing. And the cover letter. And the C.V. And everything. And I still don't have the first fucking clue how to do it. I wrote less than one sentence today on the proposal, and haven't even *begun* the cover letter.

I'm already two days over the limit I had set myself. Saturday is absolutely the last day I can send this stuff if I want it to have even the slightest chance of arriving before the deadline.

I still haven't spent one minute preparing for the interview coming up next Wednesday. And you could say that that interview is orders of magnitude more important than that stupid uni job, because, unlike with that uni job, I actually *have a chance there*. Because it's an actual *job interview*, not a half-assed Ph.D. proposal for very remote chance at a job that, let's face it, four dozen people with way more academic cred than me will also apply for. I should be working on *that*, I should be preparing for that interview, not stare entire days at a blank screen to try and get inspired for a proposal I can't possibly finish in the time left anyway.

Dammit. I wasted three entire weeks on this. I could have applied for six, maybe even nine other jobs in that time. I could be more than halfway to my statistically likely next job interview! (It's currently roughly one interview per fifteen applications or so. Statistically speaking.)


It's just... I really *would* have liked a shot at doing a Ph.D. Deep down, I am kind of in love with Academia. I just can't afford to prolong my long, unhappy affair with her - without her finally starting to pay me for it, that is. Somebody give me money to do academic work, though, and I'm *so* there...
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(I'm applying for a uni job which sort of requires it. I know it's extremely unlikely I'll get the job, and maybe it's a bit crazy to invest *that* much energy and time into something as unlikely as that job, when I could apply for half a dozen other jobs in the same time, but it's the first uni job that's appealed to me, so...)
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In my hometown, even! And for a job I find really interesting!

January 19th. Which means I get to be really nervous for a few weeks now. :D
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Actually, it's still kinda funny:

My mother suggests, as a solution to my job dilemma: "Couldn't you just go back to uni to get a Ph.D., and get a job with the university while you work on your Ph.D.?"

Sure, mom. Because we all know there's so many living-wage-paying jobs to be had at the university.

hmpf: (angsty)
But then, that's what job hunting is like, isn't it?

I nearly applied for a part-time job at a nearby supermarket today, but by the time I had decided to actually really truly finally do it the ad had disappeared. Waited too long...

Aside from that I visited various parts of the job-search assistance bureaucracy today and walked the city centre looking for "help wanted" signs in shop windows. (I don't seriously consider a career in retail, but I need money while I'm looking for a 'real' job. And I think I'd prefer that money to come from a job, even a crappy one, rather than from the state - although I am, finally, going to apply for support, tomorrow.)

I also got an estimate on fixing my bike. Now that I'm not a student anymore using public transport is prohibitively expensive, so I tend to walk everywhere. My city is mostly walkable, thankfully, but I don't always have the time to walk to the other end of town (which can be a 1.5-hour walk or so). So I need to resurrect my bike, which has been kinda broken for years. It will cost quite a bit, but will still be cheaper than, say, half a year of public transport.

The rest of the day I spent combing online job sites for ads that sounded promising (in the sense of "it might make sense for me to apply there because I meet at least some of the requirements"). Didn't find anything that fit the bill, though.

So I'm not really any closer to a job now than I was yesterday.
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my finding a job is myself.

It kind of follows that I'd need to find a job that basically *consists of* being myself. Sadly, being myself is not a skill that's very sought-after on the job market.
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has made some more progress today, I'm amazed to say. I felt I owed myself some time in a cafe after an incredibly frustrating day at work today, and cafes are a good writing environment. I'm kinda inspired to go on writing now - I've discovered where the conversation I was writing is heading - but I really have to focus on the next job application now. It's due tomorrow...
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that the two Important Job Applications I have to do this week are in
1.) my mom's hometown and
2.) my dad's hometown.

Now, applying for a job in 1.) isn't too rare - it's a reasonably big city, and I've already applied for two other jobs there. But 2.) is more unusual - it's a *really* small town. And, of course, to find interesting jobs offered in *both* places in the same week does qualify as unusual. So it's strange I didn't notice that before.

BTW, anybody know how to fix a ThinkPad keyboard when some of the keys keep falling off? Because my e and my t are doing that a lot. Grrr.
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God, how I hate it to be so frelling inspired, with absolutely no time to write. (Three job applications, minimum, are due this week, the first of them tomorrow.)

I want to go back to Sam and Annie and radioactive vegetables and New World rock. They've finally begun talking to each other again, too. No fair! Inspiration is so rare for me, why does it have to happen *now*?
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I've had a somewhat calmer week due to a lack of job offers. Then, a couple days ago, a whole bunch cropped up, all with the same due date, so I'm all busy now again. To prepare for one of the applications, I'm going to travel to the small town where my dad was born, tomorrow, to visit a museum there. This will be the first time I go there on my own since my grandparents died. Maybe I'll find time to visit the cemetery, too. I'm not sure I could find their graves on my own, though.

Thanks to the period of relative calm, I've managed to clear a little bit of space in my mind for fic writing. I've made some - modest - progress on the nuclear fic. Oddly, the latest part of the fic seems to be all about vegetables. I wish I could say I'll keep writing now, but with all the applications I have to send in the next few days, it's looking doubtful.

Which reminds me again of how much it sucks that to get a chance to survive financially, you have to basically stop doing everything you really want to do. Even after all these years of growing up and getting used to "the way things are", that still feels morally wrong to me. Maybe I'm not quite done growing up yet, after all.

And the other thing I still haven't figured out how to integrate into my life properly is, of course, activism. Getting a paying job in this field is as unlikely as ever, so I have to find a way to do it "on the side". And I've recently read a lot and thought a lot and come once more to the conclusion that there is no really effective course of action short of a complete remodelling of my life, and I still don't know how to even begin that.

Currently reading: Octavia Butler: Parable of the Talents. Just started, so I can't say much yet, except that this - along with Parable of the Sower, the first part of the series - really feels like it's the future we're heading towards.


Sep. 8th, 2010 09:55 pm
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So, yesterday night I bought all the ingredients to make an exotic pureed vegetable soup. And, OF COURSE, when I came home I found out that OUR HAND BLENDER HAD JUST BROKEN.

WTF, Life? You wanna frell with me, Life? You really wanna frell with me?


I have to write seven job applications in the next fourteen days. Joy. I mean, it's nice that there's actually such a lot of interesting job offers at the moment - that's not always the case. But, could they come at a *slightly* more manageable pace, maybe? Two days (with most of these 'days' being just the hours of the evening after I come home from work, i.e. maybe nine p.m. to one a.m.) per application just isn't enough. I'm not that quick yet.


I forgot to mention this in my whining post recently: finished "The Windup Girl"; still not completely thrilled but I did like it for the way it took our actual current situation (Climate Change, genetic manipulation, Peak Oil...) and fashioned a plausible near-future from that.

Now I'm reading "Litany of the Long Sun" by Gene Wolfe, which is an omnibus edition of "Nightside of the Long Sun" and "Lake of the Long Sun". I'm surprised to say it's compulsively readable, so far - and a very easy read. I love Wolfe even when he's difficult - perhaps particularly when he's difficult - but with stress levels in my life being what they are currently, it's nice to find this book so easy and fun.
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1.) Job interview preparation update:

Have: black suit trousers, black suit jacket, white shirt.
Need: Decent haircut; good answers to questions. And a train ticket to Nuremberg.

2.) The Yes Men would like you to download, watch, and then seed their latest film via bittorrent: (More info on the page.)

Consider it your (slightly) subversive deed of the day. ;-)

April 2016

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