hmpf: (Default)
There's no time, though.
hmpf: (Default)
at how my escalating Radiohead obsession stole away my energy for the LoM archive trawl I'd begun in February, actually. LoM is still the fandom I'm "writing" fic about in my mind all the time, so it's definitely still an active fandom for me. But my fannish reading, in the last few months, has been Citizen Insane - a mindbogglingly huge collection of twenty-odd years' worth of Radiohead media coverage, which I consume as obsessively as I ever consumed fic.

The good thing is, once I'm done with that, that'll be that. New Radiohead media coverage isn't generated at the same rate as new fic (not even fic in a slow and old fandom), so once I've read the entire archive, there won't be any new, large amounts of text about Radiohead that demand to be read. So, with that in mind, I try to basically get it over with as quickly as I can, so as to be able to then go back to more fannishly productive things such as fic archive trawls.

I'm still only in the mid-nineties with my Radiohead article reading endeavour, though, so there's still about seventeen years to go. Arrgh.
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The Sandman/LoM crossover thing has just grown to around 2,500 words - nearly four pages - and it feels barely started.

I've written another half of a scene, so the scene I talked about earlier this week is practically done now. And I'm just freaking out because a fic with *so many words* (and that's before anything even really started happening!) just feels like it must have far too much *padding*, to me. But that may very well be because I'm just not used to writing longer fic.

But I constantly think, "no, no, this can't be right; this thing *can't* just grow like this; this can't be good enough. This is probably all just weak, unnecessary filler, and I'll have to cut all this stuff in the next round of editing. Or at the very least replace large parts of it with something stronger.

(Which is probably true, really, as this current scene is largely dialogue and my dialogue always sucks on the first round, and needs a lot of refining before it feels natural and in character.)

Also, I really don't even have a clear idea where this story is going (other than that it's obviously all about Sam Being Dead, which is what most of my LoM fic tends to be about). So it feels weird to write any dialogue right now, because... how can I tell if it's even "on topic", if I don't know where I'm going?

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the beginning of my HP AU. It may be the purest distillation of 'my' kind of angst I've yet achieved. For some reason Sirius and Remus work incredibly well with that. (More precisely: a pre-2003 fanon idea of Sirius and Remus works incredibly well with my kind of angst. I don't actually know canon Sirius and Remus all that well. So there's another problem with this fic: it's barely based in canon at all - and that usually means it's a bad idea...)


I've worked on the Sam/Maya thing. As usual, it's shorter now, and better. But I'm still stuck. Arrgh.

My flat

Jul. 8th, 2011 01:17 pm
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Short update on the stink: it has lessened - maybe it had something to do with the heat. It seems somewhat correlated with days when the temperature in my flat reaches or exceeds 30 degrees Celsius.

But, because things just *can't* be easy even for five minutes here, it's now raining through the roof in my bathroom.

And my internet connection died two days ago and hasn't come back yet (I'm writing this from my computer at work). I'm still waiting for my internet provider's tech support department to call me back.

(Oh, also? My stereo's tape deck, my laptop's mouse, my desktop's power supply unit, and my headphones died - all within the last few weeks. I must be cursed.)
hmpf: (angsty)
It happens, especially when I'm so close to finishing something yet can't.

You know, one thing that's normal for other fic writers, and central to their writing process, from what I've heard, never happens to me: I don't hear the characters having conversations in my head. Never ever.

In fact, I have to fight hard for every line of dialogue from them. What comes to me is only images and emotions. Never dialogue. And if I want to write something entirely in a character's voice? That never comes easy to me, either. Normal was such a struggle... I've tended to stay away from first person POV since then.
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editing the beginning of The Man Who Fell to Earth, aka "the 2.08 survival fic", down to four pages. I think what I have left now is fairly solid, aside from the obvious problems I have with keeping dialogue in character, especially for the 1970s crowd. The main problem, though, the problem that has kept me from continuing this project since 2008, is that this *needs* some 1970s plot (as well as convincing character interaction in those parts of the story) to really work, and I can't for the life of me come up with one.

I need help. I think I need someone to read what I have - someone with a solid handle on the 1970s characters and the police setting and so on - and then I need that person to have a chat with me. At the very least. Possibly more than a chat. (Sometimes I think I need a co-author.)
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Just got an invitation for an interview for the three to six-year university position for which I made my Ph.D. proposal thingie in the last few weeks.


(Also, wtf am I doing right, now, that I apparently did wrong the 1.5 years before?)



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Has LJ been assimilated?

Okay... I guess that means I have to migrate my journal to Dreamwidth now. *sigh* One more task I don't really have the time for.

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This is good news, because since yesterday evening I've already found about half a dozen new bands I *need* to hear more from.

This is bad news, because I have neither the money to buy music, nor the space to store it, nor even a working CD player, really.


Why is there so much frelling awesome music out there?

Why am I so frelling poor?


The station (it's a webradio station):

The greatest programme I listened to yesterday:

My favourite three tracks from yesterday's listening session:

Phantogram: Bloody Palms

Phantogram: Mouthful of Diamonds

Oh No Ono: Swim


Anybody know where I can buy single mp3 tracks without having a credit card? Buying favourite tracks instead of entire albums seems like a good idea at the moment. There are some songs I simply *need*.
hmpf: (Default)
- Washed four big loads of dishes (I swear, if I had a dishwasher I'd save enough time, per week, to take up an entire new hobby. Or, maybe, actually devote some time to one of my current ones. Or actually reply to some e-mail...)
- Cooked lunch three times (pancakes; spaghetti with tomato sauce - the latter I made twice, because it's cheap and easy)
- Washed three loads of laundry
- Summed up a couple of chapters of a book about zines for my internship
- Spent some four hours at the workbench, working on an earring and some rings while listening to the last volume of the Thrawn Trilogy
- Knitted about ten centimeters of scarf
- Spent about three hours working on fic
- Started making sketches for a painting that I want to give to my cousin & his wife/my cousin's little son for his birthday
- Perused job offers
- Wrote and posted a [ profile] fs_10percent rec
- Made a new To Do List, as the old one was becoming a bit confusing, what with all the crossed-out and scribbled-in stuff
- Did a complete antivirus scan of my computer
- ETA: Forgot to mention the Massive Monstrous Grocery Shopping Trip From Hell, which took me through six (in numbers: 6) different supermarkets and the local Asian shop. Why does keeping yourself fed well take so much time? *sigh*

Things I also would have liked to fit in there somehow:

- Reply to mails
- Read some LJs (am I *ever* going to manage to get back into the groove???)
- Work more on fic
- Research green/ethical investment
- Continue reading SelfHTML
- Continue rebuilding my website
- Continue uploading stuff to AO3
- Do... *something*... for The Collators' Den
- Buy glasses

The list goes on...
hmpf: (angsty)
I spent most of today at the workbench, but maaaaan, what a day. Somehow it was only composed of the most annoying parts of goldsmith's work. And I ended up having to scrap a significant percentage of the day's work, just now. Gah.
hmpf: (Default)
had about 90 items on it.

About 50 of these are done now. A few more will get done tomorrow.

That's actually... both pretty frelling good, and still kind of depressing, because it's only slightly more than half of the list.


The good news, though, is that not a *great* many new things have been added to the list this week, so next week's is actually shorter than last week's. (60 items - yes, twenty new things to do is *not* a lot. There are weeks when the list grows far more than that.)


I wanna write fic, dammit.

So tired.

Mar. 9th, 2010 10:43 pm
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Why does the average item on my To Do List always result in something like this:

Item: Call organisation X to ask for certificate Y, and about the possibility of an internship


Day 1:

Call organisation X right after lunch, find out everyone's already gone home because they only work in the morning.

Day 2:

Call organisation X in the morning; be connected to person A who says that yes, of course they'll send you the certificate, and haven't they already done so? (It would be tempting to strike this item off the To Do List now, but of course, you can only do so once you actually *have* the certificate. So you need to wait, and keep that item on the list, and possibly call or write again, in a week or two.) - Next, have person A connect you to person B because that's the person who deals with internships. Find out that person B isn't in today because they only work three days a week.

Day 3:

Call person B again, find out they're home sick. Or something.

Day 4:

Call again...


Basically, very few things are ever really *done*. You constantly have to keep stuff on the list, and keep it in mind, sometimes for weeks. And if you're dealing with a list of 40 or so items, even having to keep just ten of those in mind for a prolonged period gets... a bit of a strain.

hmpf: (angsty)
So, after making great progress in a variety of areas recently, I was... afflicted with a creativity storm in the last few days. I can't really put it any other way; it's like the weather: it comes and goes as it pleases. And, like any proper storm, it causes a fair bit of chaos.

I fought it. To no avail, really - the only result was that I effectively managed to prevent myself from achieving anything on the creative front, either, while still not managing to get anything 'more important' done. Wrestling the muses down can be exhausting.

It also screwed up my sleeping again, because the nights were spent fighting with bunnies.

Lesson of the day: next time, just give in, and at least get something creative done - instead of trying to *not* give in to the urges but expending so much energy on that fight as to render myself incapable of doing anything real-lifey either.

(Well, there were *some* positive results: I have started a new, small Knytt Stories level, and I think I have solved the central plot conundrum of my LoM crossover - the one that had me stalled these past two and a half years.)
hmpf: (angsty)
in just making super-minor changes to my job applications and then checking and re-checking and re-checking everything again and again just to make sure that the latest minor change hasn't accidentally resulted in fucking up something somewhere else. ARRGH.

I honestly can't manage more than two applications per week, and that's a *good* week.

Stats so far (since finishing uni):

1 application for a proper job
4 applications for trainee spots
3 applications for internships
5 applications for un-/semi-qualified part-time jobs

Yeah, I know that's bad. It looks slightly better if you realise that more than half of these were done in the last few weeks, so clearly, I've been picking up the pace.

But I'm still too slow.

The worst thing about all this is that I suspect that being *fast* in reacting to a job advertisement is key.
hmpf: (Default)
oh, everything. Damn.

I just spent two full days working on jewellery, actually finishing or near-finishing four pieces, which reduces my To Do list in that area quite a bit. It feels good, but there's still so much old stuff I never finished... most frustratingly, a pair of earrings I promised my mother for Christmas... years ago. I gave her the design and promised I'd make two pairs of earrings from it, one pair from silver and one from gold. (I really liked that design, and she's always having trouble deciding what to wear with what, so I figured making two pairs, in different materials so she could wear them with everything, would be nifty.) Well, and I started on the silver pair, and they turned into a nightmare. And now, years later, they're still a nightmare, still far from finished - in fact, they're so ruined by now, from my repeated attempts to fix some problem or another, that I will have to start over from scratch. Only, the problem that caused them to turn into such a nightmare persists, and so the next attempt will probably end up a nightmare, too. Maybe I should start on the gold pair instead - gold is said to be easier to work with, especially in cases like this (pieces that require lots of very precise soldering), and I actually bought the gold back when I gave my mother the design for Christmas. Maybe I should give up on the silver pair altogether, and make something different from silver for her instead.

But I really *love* that design. Especially in silver!

I'm just not sure I have the patience and persistence to embark on that trip through hell once more. I just spent some twenty minutes just *looking* at the ruined pair, and arrrgh, so much frustration!


Here's one thing I need to push to the top of my To Do list for 2010:

*Really* get back in touch with people.


Oct. 7th, 2009 02:30 am
hmpf: (angsty)

Hey, how cool. All the things that are stressing me out a bit at the moment have exactly the same number of characters (if you count spaces, too ETA: Err, and if you don't count spaces, as well. *sheepish*)

But, yeah. Why is my life always *too full* of stuff to do? Why? WHY???

I'd like to have some time for writing, jewellery making, and friends, please.
hmpf: (Default)
Four hours, nearly no progress. Arrgh.

(In the last fifteen minutes of my shift today I figured out the history of the world I'm building for my Knytt Stories level, so the day wasn't all bad on the creativity front, after all. Now I just need to find a way to convey that history using nothing but talking cats.)
hmpf: (Default)
although I've allegedly been 'finishing it up' for days now.

This is mainly due to the following mental process:

Read more... )

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