hmpf: (best angst ever)
Farscape. John-centric. Vignette/ficlet (ca. 1000 words). Angst (naturally).

Dead Man's Jacket

Let me know if there are any language/style issues - I made some changes after I ran it past my wonderful beta beccatoria, so there *may* be problems that were introduced due to my meddling with it after the betaing.
hmpf: (Default)
the 2.08 survival fic to my Next Big Project after Back to the Future is done, I've just reread my half-written "Big Angst Meta" from several years ago. (Unposted due to unfinishedness.) Uncomfortable reading, but I'm still fascinated.
hmpf: (best angst ever)
The TBFC is still the coolest fan event I've experienced. (Yes, including my one and so far only Worldcon. Though that was pretty great, too.)

For some bizarre reason, there are few things more relaxing than falling asleep in a sleeping bag on an inflatable mattress in front of an ep of Farscape (or something else) that's being projected onto a wall at half past two a.m. Never mind that sleeping bags are never particularly comfortable, and neither are inflatable mattresses; never mind that in any other situation it would be impossible to sleep through the kind of noise produced by a subwoofer etc., not to mention the guy snoring merrily away two mattresses over from yours. Both nights I spent there I fell asleep with the most extraordinary feeling of peace and contentment.

Which is, probably, a slightly odd thing to feel while watching/falling asleep during the more angsty and dramatic eps of Farscape - but there it is. It's largely due to the company, I think.

Farscape is, of course, still *the* best at delivering 'my' kind of angst. Oh John. *hugs her astronut*

We fell asleep to Liars, Guns and Money yesterday, which is pretty much the apex of Scorpy-induced John!angst. John, pulling a gun on Stark. John, trying to put the explodey stuff on the cooling rod, talking to himself, swatting at the voices in his head. John confronting Scorpy, defying him with a desperate joke, shaking and contorted with the effort of even that much resistance, then crawling away singing. (Seeing a clip of that scene in English, back in 2000 or 2001, was what made me realise I really needed to see this show in its original language - there was no way the German dubbing could have captured the mix of despair and defiance in Ben Browder's voice.)

And that's just the first ep of the three-parter, of course. In the third part, we actually see the exact moment John breaks - in the middle of a firefight, after a last act of resistance, an inarticulate scream and some helpless gun-pointing. There's a point at which he just stops: stops screaming, lowers the gun, and just stands there, right in the line of fire - blood trickling from his nose, a terrifying sign that there is something very wrong indeed inside his brain... Aeryn has to bodily push him away to save his life, and for the rest of the firefight he sits by the side looking dazed and empty, the blood from his nose now copious, while gorgeous, deadly Aeryn defends him from Scorpius's peacekeepers with her big gun.

Oh, John.

(And no, the gender-bending symbols in that scene are not of my invention, they're in there all right. That's Farscape for you. The woman shoots; the man bleeds. And this is not an anime nosebleed.)


Jan. 5th, 2010 09:55 pm
hmpf: (Default)
I think I'm going to like this archive:

I'm somewhat baffled by the tininess of the 'slash' tag, though.

(Hey, everyone, sorry I haven't replied to comments yet, had a busy couple of days.)
hmpf: (best angst ever)
Instead, I went on a Farscape fic reading spree. For the first time in, what... seven years? *boggles*

I need, need, need to scape someone.

Also, if this continues, I may have to reinstate one of my old Farscape LJ icons...

Actually, why don't I do that right now? I'm not producing enough meta to justify the meta icon anyway; so begone, meta icon! And welcome back, Farscape angst icon!


Oct. 27th, 2009 02:23 am
hmpf: (angsty)
Oh, John. Oh, Farscape.

So many kinds of angst.

hmpf: (angsty)
... that I am a very sick individual:

I am currently having far too much fun with a comments conversation about making Sam die a horrible, horrible death.

(@ Everyone: please, go read Appearances etc., which I recced here a while ago. Ever since finding out that there will probably be a sequel, I've been going frelling batshit CRAZY with speculation bunnies, and I NEED someone I can blather to about this. At the moment I'm mostly spamming the author herself, which, aside from the fact that it keeps her from WRITING (much more important than listening to my blathering!!) also seems to have a disturbing, potentiating effect on our respective evilness; and that *can't* be good for the fic! (Or, well, not for the protagonists, anyway. *snerk*)
hmpf: (ears of love)
in a comment on a fic, that what I enjoy in angst (and some h/c) is not the breaking of a character but the character's fighting back against his or her breaking.

And realised, that makes me Methos in this fic.

*is creeped out by self*

ETA: Specifically, this describes how I choose my objects of obsession:

(s)he never chooses those who are broken easily
hmpf: (meta)
is about half done and clocking in at 3300 words now. If I produced fic at the pace I produce meta I'd be a novelist.

When I'm done with the first version of this I'm going to want to run it by some critical minds before posting it. Any takers? Topics covered include angst and h/c, the problem of the body (esp. in h/c), the problem of eroticising suffering, objectification and exploitation, squicks, the meaning of angst, its relation to sadism/masochism, etc...
hmpf: (angsty)
It's 1880 words in note/brainstorming form already. Arrgh.
hmpf: (angsty)
Irony? Where?

The current Sam Death Count in fic by Hmpf:

Starving on the Jump Down: all about Sam dying.

Round the Bend in Eighty Days: starts with Sam dying (and did so long before series two even began, I may add.)

Möglichkeitssinn: prospect of death on the horizon.

Back to the Future: ditto, though it's partly a utopia, so maybe I'll add a miracle cure.

Miracle: prospect of death on the horizon. Possibly.

Borderlands: starts out with Sam already dead.

How to Love a Madman: alive and well! Honest! (Just a bit insane, but that's par for the course.) *g*
hmpf: (angsty)
In my (glacier-slow) quest of catching up with fic in [ profile] lifein1973 (another thing I do when I'm at work *g*) I got to [ profile] amy_wolf's "No" today. It's an interesting fic that makes the argument that Joni actually raped Sam. I'm not sure I agree, but this is tricky terrain, so I don't think I should be too sure of my own responses. I do have some arguments for my - tentative - view that it probably wasn't rape, though:

Rape or no rape? )


Farscape and rape )


If it's true that shared pain is lessened, these two really need to meet... )
hmpf: (angsty)
(Sorry. I don't even watch Torchwood. But I sort of liked that ep title.)

But. Seriously. WTF is it with fic writers and killing Sam recently? Seems like it's the new big fad. Which is kind of odd - as well as kind of fitting - seeing as how the lad's *already* dead! I mean, is it even still possible for him to die in 1973? *g*

Bit of meta about deathfic, angst, h/c etc. )


Speaking of dead protagonists. To complement my writing that frelling useless essay/paper/thing about An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge recently (not really - it's just a coincidence, really) I just bought Flann O'Brien's The Third Policeman.

Any other texts with dead protagonists I should know? *g* (I know there are a few movies - Jacob's Ladder, Abre Los Ojos... anything else?)
hmpf: (meta)
This started as a reply to this post, which I found via [ profile] metafandom and which happened to partly address something I've been thinking about a bit recently. It quickly turned into this rambly essay thingie I really couldn't afford to write (I should have been doing university stuff). It's still very 'off the cuff', but realistically, I don't think I'll have the time to restructure and rewrite it; I need to get a move on with some uni stuff in the next couple of days, and that's unfortunately more important than meta. So I'll post it now, unfinished as it is.

This is interesting to me because I am currently writing - for the first time in all my years of writing fanfic - something I am intensely uncomfortable with, and my discomfort is largely related to what you address here:

Read more... )
hmpf: (angsty)
I openly, and even with some pride, admit that one of my purposes in life is making people uncomfortable and/or sad by writing fic that's heavy on the angst, and occasionally outright disturbing. So, after having a bit of a conversation today about that, I decided to have a look at my collected feedback (yes, folks, you read that right. I collect my feedback. It helps when the writing neurosis rears its head; nurturing an inflated sense of my own talent is one of the things that *sort of* helps against the neurosis, at least for a while, until someone or something takes me down a few pegs again.)

So here's an overview of feedback telling me how I succeeded at this purpose of mine (anonymised, naturally, and heavily abridged):

How to inflate my ego... )

(You may imagine my tongue lodged firmly in my cheek when I wrote the first sentence of this entry.)
hmpf: (angsty)
So, while looking for a picture for a discussion somewhere else today I went through my DVD screencaps folder and found the caps I made for my 'this is my angsty face' icon a while back, i.e. all kinds of caps of John Simm as Sam Tyler, looking angsty. Sam angsts a lot. Nearly non-stop, in fact. Ho-leeeee smokes, John Simm can do angst. It's almost scary how well he does it. What's also scary is realising how much of my attraction to Life on Mars is based on wanting to hug Sam, pat him on the head, and kiss it all better. Yikes. Helper's complex, much?

(Of course, there's also a strong element of indentification here, as always when I'm obsessing about a fictional character. On the one hand, they're all 'objects' - of my gaze, of my fantasies, of my desire to help/heal, of my lust, whatever. On the other hand, on another level maybe, they're all 'me'. Frodo, Methos, John Crichton, the Doctor, Sam Tyler... all me, in one way or another. Actually, mostly in the same way, namely: their failure to belong.

I still haven't figured out if that means that my attraction to them is primarily narcissistic in nature.)
hmpf: (angsty)
I really need to work on my iconing skills.

Actually, I really should be working for uni right now.

ETA: All my icons, most of them even crappier-looking than this one, can be found here: I'm really not very good at integrating text with pictures. Also, there's errors in the quotes in some of them (the 'normal' one and the 'tiny planet' one). Need to fix all that... someday. Anyway. *Should* you happen to like one, unlikely as it is, the usual applies: take it, and credit.
hmpf: (alien)
Because laughter is good for your health, and this made me laugh for a good solid five minutes or so. I don't know how I managed to overlook it so far - it's by cosmonusa of sf-community fame, and I know he posted a couple of those in the Doctor Who thread there, but I had no ideas he had continued with his mad scheme!

Dark Doctor - the comic:

April 2016

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